I hate college... is it love or stress or something else?

College Life
1

<p>Hello! Registered for this site to whine about my life a little bit, and have already found two threads filled with people who share my thoughts. As much as I hate to duplicate a topic, I wanted to talk about my own experience and get some more personal feedback. </p>

<p>Basically, I'm a freshman at the University at Buffalo. I'm an out-of-state student, living about three hours away from home. Honors student, 3.5 GPA, great scholarship, etc...</p>

<p>My problem is that the only thing that I truly have fun with in college are the classes. I ADORE going to class: I enjoy writing papers and sitting in the library, and even the science classes that I struggle with, I love. When I'm at school, academics are the only thing that matter. I'm not lazy, is what I'm trying to say, so if you're going to flame, don't pick on my work ethic. </p>

<p>Everything else in college just seems empty, especially dorm life. I don't mind sharing a bathroom, I have awesome roommates, I eat way better than I did at home and my floor tends to be pretty quiet. (that, and I sleep through everything) It all still feels like a prison though and I hate it. </p>

<p>I think part of the problem is that at home, I basically took care of myself. My mom left when I was twelve and my dad has pretty much left me to my own devices since I was 15. Me and him have sort of an odd relationship. He doesn't know how to show me that he cares, so he just sort of... buys me things or gives me money. Example: he bought me an $8000 car... THAT I LOVE... but then we didn't have groceries for three or four months, and he didn't give me the money to go buy them. I tried to get a job (I ate almost nothing but school lunch during that time) but after applying to thirteen different places, I realized that the economy was just so bad even McDonald's wouldn't hire me. Other than finances, I was completely independent. I took care of the house, I filled out my applications, I got a bunch of scholarships... I did everything and more.</p>

<p>And now living in a dorm is just TOO easy. It is like I actually have less freedom than before, and I have no creative outlet either. Next semester, I'm trying to fix both problems: first, by getting a job and trying to save up for an apartment, and second, by adding a theater minor in order to get some hands-on-art classes. </p>

<p>I feel like I'm biting off more than I can chew, and I'll probably end up dropping classes if I get a job. But do you think more work is the solution to feeling so empty? Part of it is I feel really lonely. I had some really close friends in high school, and in college, the people I've meet just aren't the same. They're cool kids, I like them, but I don't feel connected to them. Over time it's gotten better, but lately, the only one who really makes me feel alive is... surprise... my boyfriend. We've been going out for... a year and a half? We're the same age, graduated together, but he took a semester off after high school and is enrolled at the local state university for the spring. The plan is for him to transfer to UB in the fall... but in the meantime, I miss him horribly. Could it be missing him that is keeping me from tasting the flavor in life? I've offered to break it off with him, but both of us seem content for the time being, and willing to work towards the goal of living together in the future. I think my favorite thing about him is that I was talking about whether to do study abroad or not, and he actually ENCOURAGED me to go for it... because he knew that it was something I've wanted to do since I was a kid. I can't just let a guy like that go, can I?</p>

<p>TL;DR? College feels fake, plastic, and not as spicy or interesting as the real world. I LIKE harsh realities- they're all I've ever known. It's sitting comfortably that I'm uncomfortable with.</p>

2

<p>I think it is great that you are trying to change it up next semester, with getting a job and adding on the theater minor. For me although I love classes as well, getting a job that was meaningful to me really helps fill up my day and has made me realize that working is very fulfilling…it could be the same for you. Also, adding on a club related to your academic interests could change things up a bit, and allow you to meet some different interesting people. </p>

<p>It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend is hindering your happiness, but as far as the distraction of missing him, it really depends on how much you call him or dwell on it. But it sounds like the best you can do is just get involved in work and different activities this year and then see where that leads you.</p>

3

<p>You sound like you’re taking some great steps. The only thing I might add is that perhaps you should join some sort of academic organization or study group. Or you could try to make friends from your classes. If you base your relationships on academics first, then you might feel a stronger connection with the people at school.</p>

4

<p>Just my personal opinion: I think you might be expecting too much out of college and need to give everything a bit more time, especially if the fall of 09 was your first semester. If you really enjoy classes why not trying to take six classes? I think that might keep you happy and busy =) In addition, I don’t think in the long-term your bf going to college with you is gonna work out unless you guys really love each other / have some special bond… but that’s all my opinion</p>

5

<p>Last semester I took seven classes, and this semester I have six. I’m pretty much over-loaded, but I think the distraction was nice. I did join the Outdoor Adventure Club and a rock-climbing club but the people were very… they weren’t my type of people. We had nothing in common.</p>

<p>After reading through the threads, though, I agree: college is WAY too built up to be amazing. LIFE is amazing, and college is not life. I’m hoping that a job will help out… I’m not sure why I even posted… I guess I got caught up in the moment when I discovered that there are other people in the world who aren’t living it up at school.</p>

<p>As for my boyfriend, I don’t know about “special bonds” …I certainly don’t feel sparks and butterflies like I have in the past with other boys. We started dating because we were both lonely, and were both the rejected half of our previous relationships, so why not? And since our respective ex’s ended up together, we had something to ***** about in common. Personally, I never expected it to work out as long as it did. We planned to break it off when I left, but we both just… didn’t see a reason to. I found that I could function on my own without him, but I WANTED him there. I missed the time we spent together, even the times when we weren’t doing anything fantastic. What I feel for him is closer to friendship, I think, but then… beneath it all… there is something. A bond? I dunno. But our motto has always been, “Even if we have to walk separate paths eventually, thank you for the great memories we’ve had so far. I hope we get to make more.” </p>

<p>Basically… college isn’t what I thought it was going to be, love isn’t either.</p>

6

<p>Hey,</p>

<p>Regarding your bf situation all I’d like to say is good for you! I hope everything keeps going well and it’s good that you guys have a great “friendship.”</p>

<p>Yup, you’re right. College isn’t life. However, it’s four (or less/more) years of your life when you experience something different and a lot of people hype it up way too much or expect too much out of college. </p>

<p>My advice: since you already overload classes and have tried clubs/organizations…
-Try spending more time with roommates
-Try another club or two? It can’t hurt</p>

<p>If you really feel like crap, consider a transfer… but whatever you do, do what makes you happy</p>

<p>Sorry for the disorganization</p>

7

<p>College can certainly be amazing if you surround yourself with the right people. I absolutely despise being home for Christmas break, as I like my college friends a lot more than my high school friends. But it’s true that you can’t expect too much from college, or you’ll be disappointed. I put in a lot of time getting to know people beyond their surface values to decide whom I liked and whom I didn’t.</p>

8

<p>I would say there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be more independent, but you really should contemplate trying to make some more friends or at least branch out a little. I’ve found college to be one of the few places where truly smart, good, genuine people are all concentrated in one little cluster, so at least from my experience I’ve been able to meet some amazing people.</p>

<p>You have your whole life to live independently, without friends if you don’t want them, and it sounds like making friends might “spice things up a little.”</p>

<p>That said, it’s awesome that your boyfriend’s so supportive and that he’s transferring. However, when he gets there, make sure that you both aren’t holding each other back from developing new relationships of your own. I can’t tell you how many students I’ve known who were in serious long-term relationships who ended up not doing too well socially because they devoted all their time/energy to only one other person. Try and see if you and your bf can make friends together and see how things go from there =]</p>

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<p>The funny thing is, I’m really a huge people person. I love to talk, but lately its like the people I’m talking to aren’t genuine at all. The people I meet at home… the housewives, the addicts, the washed out mafia-wannabes, the teen moms, the ghetto kids… they are so interesting to talk to. They each developed in a different way, each have their own personality, their own view. At school, most people have the same viewpoints. I took a religion course, and everyone was an atheist or atheist sympathizer. That’s fine, but it didn’t make for interesting conversation. It’s not really a far-fetched observation either- we all CHOSE to be there, so we all automatically have something in common. </p>

<p>Actually, I sort of feel lied to in a way. When I went to UB, they told me that it was near a city, which is where I REALLY wanted to go. And it’s not- not at all. I DID bring my car up, which helps a whole lot because I can just go driving whenever I want to and sometimes I do drive to the city, but even with a car it’s not the same as actually being in the center of chaos. I like my school, I won’t leave now, but I’m a tiny bit bored.</p>

<p>See, that’s the other thing too… I want to get out and do exciting things like I’ve always planned, but now that I’m growing up, I find myself wanting less interesting option as well. I want a job, an apartment… like all the spirit is being sucked out of me.</p>

<p>Perhaps I should add that I don’t drink or smoke? It seems irrelevant, but I’ve never been to a party before. Yeah, I’m a nerd, bite me.</p>

10

<p>Midori211, I’m in the same situation. I’ve recently changed schools and I hate it there. I have so much trouble making friends there, plus all the classes and majors suck. Everyone there seems to absorbed in trying to learn rather than talking with each other. Now I want out so I can go to a school that actually has a major I’m interested in. I feel like my current school is a huge mistake and I’ve been feeling lonlier than ever. All my other friends are always busy and I’ve barely had time to call the ones whos numbers I haven’t lost. When I’m in this school, I feel like all I want to do is escape from it. I feel like a prisoner there.</p>