What about starting a common app essay with “CALL 911! Someone stole your attention! However, talking about someone, let me introduce myself.”
Seems a bit childish to me but I guess that would depend on the tone of the rest of the essay.
I’m not taking the risk, but I’m really curious and looking for opinions.
No.
It’s cringy man, I’m sorry.
Sorry, it comes off as a cheap trick.
You already have their attention; they’re reading your essay.
Use an intro that is part of what you want to say in your essay.
It’s better than “It was a dark and stormy night…”.