<p>People who are not owed the truth are not owed the truth. Period.</p>
<p>They don’t really know how much money you have at the moment. You can pay off the $600 you put on your credit card. You can pre-pay your study abroad program, etc.</p>
<p>My brother’s wife’s family was like this. They assumed that if you had the money, that you were under some obligation to SHARE it…even tho they weren’t working, but going to Bingo, etc. </p>
<p>You have to say that you don’t have the money to give away.</p>
<p>And, yes, if you tell these people the truth (such as: I just spent $30k on a car), they’ll get mad because they’ll think you should have given them some of that money. It’s none of their business.</p>
<p>I once saw a Judge Judy episode where the parents kept wanting their college student to give them her financial aid money. The girl was in court suing her step-dad because he “borrowed” her aid to buy new fancy rims for his car.</p>
<p>There are people out there like this. You can’t let them know what you have.</p>
<p>When thieves come into your home and ask where you keep all of your valuables, you’re under no obligation to provide them the truth.</p>
<p>These parents are acting like thieves. Plain and simple. They’re using fear and intimidation.</p>
<p>OP, it’s illegal to use FA money for anything other than the expenses you incur with attending college. Period.</p>
<p>Agree with others to get your name off that lease asap. Get a copy of it and check when it renews – there is a period of time (usually 30 or 60 days) before the lease ends by which point you have to give notice that you won’t renew the lease. Before that date, send a CERTIFIED letter to the landlord telling him/her that you will not be renewing as a co-signer. f your college has a law school, you might go by the legal aid clinic there and run this by a law student (a lot of legal aid work in law school is landlord-tenant stuff).</p>
<p>Lying will backfire. The best strategy is to tell them nothing and change the subject. Their prying questions do not deserve a response. NO response. None of their business. Do not disclose anything. Don’t lie.</p>
<p>Totally agree with poetgrl (as usual). There is a clear role reversal going on and the OP is finding herself parenting her parents. So, the right thing to do is model healthy behavior. Set a limit. Do not disclose what you have. Its none of their business. But. Do. Not.Lie.</p>
<p>I repeat that the OP should seek counseling–not just financial counseling but emotional counseling to deal with the fact that her parents are blackmailing her. This is not the way parents are supposed to behave to 17- or 18- or 19-year-olds, and she should seek help to deal with the psychological issues it raises. As I said before, we can tell her this or that, but these are her PARENTS and she’s barely out of high school. Not easy. And she has two younger siblings that her parents can use to try to manipulate her further.</p>
<p>Again, best of luck, OP, and know that a bunch of strangers on a blog are worried about you!</p>
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<p>I second the suggestion to seek financial counseling. Based on the posts here and the previous threads, it is obvious that you are on full financial aid. Accordingly, it is highly doubtful that you have enough money to cover everything, including income taxes on your financial aid and grants. If you have outside scholarships, chances are that they are not correctly disclosed to your school. Summer earnings also might lower the amount of grants you are receiving. The only way I can see you “banking” some money after paying all your expenses and income taxes is from living at home and collecting the financial aid associated withyour room and board. </p>
<p>People who have suggested to sever all ties between your school financial aid and your parents are correct. Make sure that all deposits are made directly to a new account, and start telling your parents that things have changed, and that you have either less finaid or are responsible for income taxes. I can almost guarantee that you your situation with the IRS might not be as clear as you might think. A student on full financial aid typically is looking at a taxable income around 15,000. Even with claiming an independent status (which you should be able to demonstrate as long as you spend more than your parents) you will not reduce that income to zero. </p>
<p>It is not an easy situation but it could get even worse. I would also highly recommend to order a credit report, and make sure no other credits have been opened in your name.</p>
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<p>I was wondering about this too OP.</p>
<p>Counseling. And this from jym:</p>
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<p>This is a great life lesson…</p>
<p>Good point that the student may owe taxes on some of this money, so a tax bill may be coming.</p>
<p>Sounds like some of the money is from summer earnings, not just from FA, so that wouldn’t fall under the rules of “for school-related purposes only”.</p>
<p>the student could prepay rent or even next semester’s school expenses to “spend down” her acct.</p>
<p>The problem is that the parents claim that the money is a “loan”, so if they know she HAS the money, but needs it later, they’ll lie and claim that they’ll pay her back by then. If she prepays as much as she can, there won’t be any money to lend.</p>
<p>Thank you, amarylandmom and scout59. This is such a tough position to be in for a young adult. </p>
<p>xiggi’s post about the tax ramification is also an important issue to consider.
When your parents bring it up again and try to manipulate with guilt, try saying "the subject is closed. I will not discuss it. Please do not bring it up again. " Good luck!</p>
<p>*Once my grandfather asked my mother for $250, and she told me to give her $250 so she could loan out to him. *</p>
<p>Hmmm…I wonder if grandpa paid the mom back and the mom kept the money?</p>
<p>“As I said before, we can tell her this or that, but these are her PARENTS and she’s barely out of high school. Not easy.”</p>
<p>I agree with this statement, but there comes a time in every young person’s life where they realize that their parents are imperfect. Unfortunately, sometimes the realization comes very young. Ask most children of divorce. </p>
<p>The reality is that the sooner the OP recognizes the need to set clear and firm boundaries with her parents, the better off she will be. There’s really no easy approach here. It requires great strength on the part of the OP. From her post, I feel confident that she realizes she needs to make a change in the family relationship dynamic regardless of how her parents react. </p>
<p>Absolutely not easy, but very, very necessary. Probably the first step is realizing that the OP is in the right . . .even though they are the “parents” and no matter what they say.</p>
<p>The mom probably kept the $250 and never gave it to the grandfather. But its irrelevant. This is one dysfunctional family.</p>
<p>The OP sounds like a very smart young lady (going to UChicago) and will likely have a bright career in front of her.</p>
<p>If this isn’t handled now, it’s just going to turn into a life-long problem of Mom and Dad mooching off their successful D. :(</p>
<p>The parents seem to think that because they “raised her” (and she’s smart), that she will owe them support for the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>It would be one thing if the parents were hard workers, but just can’t earn enough or very ill. But these are able-bodied people. Sounds like the mom is earning $30k and dad is being lazy and earning nothing.</p>
<p>Yes, thats been pretty obvious.</p>
<p>OP - I don’t mean to scare you, nor imply this has happened in your situation, but I strongly urge you to check your credit score (easy to do, and you’re ‘owed’ one free check a year, online – I suggest one of the “big three” - Experian, Equifax, or Transunion) and if need be, put a block on any new credit being issued under your name.</p>
<p>There has been a trend for a few years now of parents taking out loans, unbeknownst to their children, in their kids’ names. Your parents know all of your information (SSN, parents’ names and maiden name information, DOB, place of birth, etc). Be careful!</p>
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<p>^^^</p>
<p>Oh wow…yes, this is likely to happen if it hasn’t already. The student may need to get LifeLock or similar so she’s notified if anyone tries to use her identity.</p>
<p>Can anyone recommend which would be best for this young lady?</p>
<p>^
Heavens, no…not LifeLock!
You can protect yourself from identity theft in legitimate ways that are completely free.</p>
<p>I’m not saying that LifeLock is a scam, but just google “LifeLock scam” and decide for yourself.</p>