I’m about to start my junior year at a 4 year university. My freshman year, I made a bunch of good friends and had a really good time. I lived with one of them my sophomore year. But during my sophomore year, I drifted apart from all of those friends I made my freshman year. They all moved on from our freshman group and found new cliques. As a result, I was left with pretty much no close friends, outside of my boyfriend. I have friendly acquaintances, sure, but I’m not part of any particular clique and don’t have any “best friends.”
At my school, everyone looks for housing for the next year starting in the fall, which means that soon I’ll have to find housing for my senior year. The problem is that I have no idea who to live with. The girls I’m living with this year have already made plans to move in with their other friends for our senior year, and to be honest, I don’t really want to live with them again anyway. I thought that maybe my boyfriend and I would move in together since we’ve been dating for two years, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea given that we’re still young, and I don’t want to pressure him into it. The friend I feel the closest to right now is a guy in a frat, so living with him is not really an option, and I don’t feel close enough to my girl friends to ask if I can live with them (not to mention that that’d make me look super desperate…which I am).
I’ve thought about getting a one-bedroom apartment alone, but I feel like it’d be such a bummer to live in alone during my senior year of college when I’m supposed to be having the time of my life. I’m frustrated that I’m in this situation right now-- I’m shy, but I’ve made a lot of effort to get out of my shell and mitigate my social anxiety and make new friends. I’m the president of a sports club, on a varsity team, and a pretty good student. I had really close friends in high school, so I don’t think I’m incapable of making close friends. I just feel really stuck right now. Advice on what I should do?
Are you planning on trying to find a room in someone else’s existing apartment, or are you planning on using the dorms? If the dorms are an option for seniors, is there a Facebook group you can join to connect you with possible roommates? The best experience my boyfriend and I had (our school had co-ed rooms in upperclass dorms) was when I posted in a housing FB group that we were a couple looking for two other roommates. We didn’t really interact with them but everyone was pretty quiet and neat and we stayed out of each others’ way.
I hear you that it’s hard when you are planning a whole year in advance. Hard to predict who you will click with!
FWIW, I would go for a single over living with the BF. (My D is planning on having a single for junior and senior year. Seems more of the norm at her school for upperclassmen to get singles so it doesn’t sound too unusual to me.)
I’d go for a single room. Do NOT plan to move in with your boyfriend; I don’t have enough space to explain why that’s a bad idea. Just trust me.
The only other thing I can think of would be to contact your campus housing and see if they have some kind of roommate finder service/ message boards/ whatever.
If you get a single he can stay over, but if you break up you can’t easily move out.
It sounds like you’re more worried about being seen as alone senior year than who you’re living with. Are you in clubs or on a team that gets a house together? Maybe consider joining a couple organizations this fall to broaden your circle.
And do post your name on the lists of people looking for roommates. People decide to go abroad, decide not to, take an internship that’ll cost an extra semester, move out of their boyfriend’s appt, etc. My daughter changed her senior year housing option about three times at the last minute. There are always people to room with, everyone has to end up somewhere, and the housing people can usually put you in touch with someone.
Contact Res Life or Housing to see what your options are. IMO, you are a smart girl for not wanting to live with your boyfriend. Two years is a long time, but it’s not long enough, as a college student, to set up house with someone you can’t escape from if it doesn’t work out.
I don’t recommend a one bedroom apartment. It’s lonely. Look on your college’s Class of 2021 page, or bulletin boards, etc…and see if anyone is looking for a roommate for next year. (My D found a summer sublease by looking at the U’s Buy and Sell page on facebook.) Better yet, create your own posting/listing, saying you want to be in a 2 or 3 bed apartment and you’re looking for roommates for the next year. I am sure you will get some responses, and even better, you might meet some people you really like, who you can get to know over the year.
I also think you might want to branch out from your boyfriend during this school year. There’s nothing to stop you from getting to know people better. If you like someone, ask if they want to get a coffee, or whatever. Is it possible your relationship is unintentionally limiting you?