I just got suspended

Applying to College
181

<p>Teenagers are physiologically more prone to act on impulse; people who routinely deal with adolescents are typically aware of that fact.</p>

<p>If the OP doesn't have a pattern of fighting, a single punch in response to an assault shouldn't raise any serious red flags in the eyes of a reasonable admissions officer. (I can't guarantee that all of them would be reasonable under these circumstances.)</p>

<p>I hardly consider myself to be a violent person, but I got into three fights when I was an adolescent. I haven't come close to a physical fight since then.</p>

<p>It's overly simplistic to say that fighting is illegal, by the way. Under some circumstances, one has a legal right to self defense.</p>

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<p>strawberry, seriously just relax. listen to me and u will be good. ok, here's what u do, u need to talk to ur counselor and talk to him.her bout it. ask her flat out if she is going to mention the suspention, if she.he is, tell her the whole story and tell her to please include that in the note. </p>

<p>now if she is, or if the schools will find out, then u need to include a letter of explanation to the schools. write a very good letter, don't talk about guilty or not guilty, fair or not fair. explain the situation as u would to a judge of court. </p>

<p>make sure you say that is was a lapse in judgment but don't make any excuses. just say how sorry you wee and how you didn't know how the situation got out of control.</p>

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<p>I would've done the exact same thing (gotta love impulse), but I would be SORRY for it.</p>

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<p>ps i broke a guys nose for being racist, i threatened god knows how many skanks and prep hillbillies with broken bones and kicked asses, i had a stare down with the principal, got into a challenge with a "big bad oh look at me" stupid substitute guy teacher, i got into a legal fight with the board of education.</p>

<p>and i had every right in each incident, i never started anything. my school was pretty racist. but i still got into U of Rochester, a top notch school.</p>

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<p>mom2three, i just want to say, u think it's such a great thing that ur kids never got into a fight? it's called luck.</p>

<p>and by the way, ur kids are not the angels u think they are haha it's always the squeaky clean kids who are the worst. i bet they sneak out of teh house at night, drink and drive, bang skanks left and right. trust me. i was one of those "nice kids" check their room, look under teh floorboard, u will find weed and a pipe. 99% guarenteed</p>

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<p>In a way, Citygirlsmom has a point. If you make a mistake like this, you may put your life in the hands of a bunch of crazy adults who will blow it out of proportion. This reminds me of a discussion about a 14-year-old that threw an egg at a car and teepeed a house. The kid didn't realize the egg would damage the car. The kid's parent found out and told the owner of the car, who was a neighbor, and offered to pay for the damage. The neighbor went to the police, and now the kid has a police record and got in trouble with school. When the kid applied to college, she had to explain the whole thing. Some of the same people railing against you as a thug were doing the same thing on that thread. One person even compared throwing an egg at the car to someone scrawling racist graffiti on a garage door. To me, the egg was a harmless prank and the graffiti was horrendous. </p>

<p>Don't worry about this. What you should be doing now is trying to contact your counselor to take care of this mess. And involve your parents. You should definitely find out if they have contacted the colleges. And like Fred said, you should be completely contrite when talking with these people.</p>

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<p>"You should have continued reading, mom2three. I do have remorse for the broken nose, but none for the act of hitting him in return. The thing is that I just did not expect him to get hurt that badly. All I wanted was a slight mark on his face. You really can't blame me for wanting the same thing that happened to me to happen to him. Why should I get hurt really badly while he only gets a detention? But I obviously know that reacting with violence is the worst mistake one could make.</p>

<p>And I'm not a freaking moron. I'm not going to do the exact same thing again if something like this happened again. I made a mistake in this situation by not calming down beforehand. Don't jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts."</p>

<p>Strawberry,
I did go back and read the same thread. You still feel that your violent response was justified.
You said "You really can't blame me for wanting the same thing that happened to me to happen to him." Wanting him hurt and HURTING HIM are two completely different things.</p>

<p>Like I said, I work with teens. Your attitude isn't surprising. But that doesn't make it acceptable in a civilized society. </p>

<p>You got hurt, he got a detention.... hmmm. Would that have been the WORST thing? You got off easy. You could have been arrested for assault. </p>

<p>And to the other poster... my kids aren't angels. Didn't say they were. But there are LOTS of kids who are able to get through high school without violent confrontations. I have three of them. There were some posts implying that males+high school = fights. I disagree. Apparently, so does society, or the squad cars wouldn't be driving off with kids who had to respond violently to their peers.</p>

<p>OK, back to the parents forum for me, now... I get to have these conversations all day long at work, where it's my job to try and help kids learn to make better choices.</p>

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<p>Strawberry, your story is starting to change. You may be getting angry at the responses on this thread, and now you're trying to bolster your argument (I don't know). However, when you talk to your guidance counselor, you need to be sure you stay honest and consistent. Also, if there is a chance this other boy will still back up your story, you certainly don't want to change it, to make him out the aggressor. A honest and mature attitude about the situation is your best defense, imo.</p>

<p>post 176

[quote]
The throw was not from some random person - it was from someone who tried to annoy me a couple of times **in the past and **who specifically threw it at my face to provoke me. This guy even slightly slapped me in the face before, but I let it go then.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>post 20

[quote]
I really think it was intentional, but he accidently hit my face.

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<p>post 8

[quote]
The thing is, we don't hate each other, we're actually cool with each other, and we both know that it was a mistake on both of our parts. He even kept telling the vice principal not to suspend me.

[/quote]
</p>

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<p>My sweet, beautiful daughter, who never broke a rule, hauled off and slapped the face of a 5th grade classmate who was the son of a Dallas Cowboy football player. He had been bothering her for weeks- pushing, pinching etc. She got a "red slip" or something like that, which was sort of a warning. The boy got nothing. I called the school and they thought I was upset at what she had done and that she had been punished. I assured them that I was only upset that she had slapped instead of punched, and that we would be working on that! Yes, it was 5th grade and not senior year, but there are times when you do what you gotta do! However, that DOES put you at the mercy of the system.</p>

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<p>"My sweet, beautiful daughter, who never broke a rule, hauled off and slapped the face of a 5th grade classmate who was the son of a Dallas Cowboy football player. He had been bothering her for weeks- pushing, pinching etc. "</p>

<p>Clearly, the boy was in the wrong, too. Had your D told you or a teacher about how he had been harassing her? </p>

<p>"I assured them that I was only upset that she had slapped instead of punched, and that we would be working on that"</p>

<p>I really disagree with you. </p>

<p>What I would have been working on would be making sure that my kid knew how to speak up -- at school and with me and with the legal system if necessary -- if they were being harassed. I'd also be making sure that the school system realized that harassment is against the law, and they put in place some kind of system to prevent bullying.</p>

<p>I am not speaking as an uninformed/uninvolved parent. I actually paid for my son and me to become certified nonviolence facilitator after 5 kids were arrested in a fight at S's school. Although that S was not involved and has never been involved in any fight, both of us decided to do what we could to stop those kind of problems. We got certification and since then have trained more than 100 people in the program. We don't charge even though others who are certified in the same program charge up to $1,000 a day.</p>

<p>We also are not rich.</p>

<p>Anyway, my way of dealing with this kind of situation is to do whatever I can to end the problem. Since I don't think that violence begets anything but more violence, I don't view telling a kid to punch as being a solution.</p>

<p>That being said, if I were in your situation, I also would have enrolled my kid in a self defense course. From what I've read, most people who take such courses never use them. Perhaps the most important things that the courses teach are self confidence and how to avoid being in violent situations. I'm not blaming your D for being harassed. No one deserves harassment. I am saying, though, that self defense courses can lessen the chances of being victimized.</p>

<p>Come to think of it, brief instruction in karate when he was in elementary school may have helped S avoid being victimized. He is a nice, quiet, sensitive kid -- who seems to have an uncanny knack of avoiding being targeted. It's like he has a sixth sense. Perhaps that's what the class taught him.</p>

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<p>NSM- it wasn't that big a deal. It was the FIFTH GRADE (maybe even 4th, I forget). I had NO problem teaching my daughter how to fight back. The boy was very ADD and a tease, but not a mean, violent kid. Especially at the time, I was far from a perfect parent. I had a job that involved way too much travel and stress, I probably didn't do very many of the right things. But I have no regrets about how I handled THIS one! D didn't grow up to be a bully. In fact, she is an Aspirant for the Episcopal priesthood!</p>

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<p>MOWC: Just letting you know, I never assumed that your D grew up to be a bully. :)</p>

<p>Interesting about her and the priesthood. I'd be interested in hearing her thoughts now about what she thinks were her options when she was in that 5th grade situation</p>

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<p>You all now it is the SECOND person in class who gets busted- If someone says, psst, hey, and you say something back, the teacher will catch the second person....</p>

<p>my Ds copped onto that real quick, and just wouldn't react....</p>

<p>The main argument that I saw that the OP made was that he couldn't live with himself if he didn't strike back, that he didn't want to look bad, and that he didn'[t want to look bad in front of others</p>

<p>The same mentallity and justification is used by people that display road rage, by people that fight at sporting events etc.</p>

<p>Its the follwup to that that also matters- if oyu don't feel bad about why you did it, then you will do it again</p>

<p>I am soooo tired of hearing, well teens act on impulse, blah blah blah, so if they do that, it shouldn't be regarded as serious</p>

<p>We don't let our little kids hit each other, why is it okay somehow for a big teen, who by his own admission had height, pounds and strength on the person he hit?</p>

<p>Here is the point: The OP ONLY thinks he did something wrong by drawing blood....that is it...and sometimes, it doesn't matter that you didn't "mean" to hurt them so much</p>

<p>If I ram a car because they cut me off, if they go off the road,,,doesn't matter if I didn't mean to push them off the road, it was a direct result of my actions</p>

<p>The OP, who "didn't do anything wrong" is suspended and now is in fear of his acceptances to some colleges...the colleges may care, they may not, but what kids reading this post need to take away from it is this:</p>

<p>Check your impulses, if you know at age 8 you don't assualt people, you should know it at 18...</p>

<p>That if you are doing something because you couldn't live with yourself unless you didn't, ie punching someone in the face, then you should take a look inside</p>

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<p>and PS- part of impulse control is controlling the impulse...that is how the brain works!!! you feel the impulse to hit, but you hold back....and the VAST majority of teens control that impulse to hit...sure some don't but most do</p>

<p>I have wanted to slug someone...so I get the Feeling, but I never ever would</p>

<p>If we didn't teach how to control impulses, then you would have a bunch of 30 yo's smacking each other all the time, but starting out young, we as parents work on impusle control with ourselves and with our children, and as we grow up, teens NEED to work on themselves...that is how the brain is trained....sure people mess up, but its what happens AFTERWARDS that is important, and not feeling bad about what you did, just the getting caught part, well....</p>

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<p>I know I've contradicted myself a couple of times, but I have had time to think this whole thing over.</p>

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<p>Ooo, here's an interesting little tidbit: the guy has a case manager, one who was appointed to him way before this incident. I'm going to find out if what I have told about him to school officials matches the information the case manager has about him.</p>

<p>And hopefully I'll get a letter from a school official and from the guy's family that I will send in addition to my own.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
and PS- part of impulse control is controlling the impulse...that is how the brain works!!! you feel the impulse to hit, but you hold back....and the VAST majority of teens control that impulse to hit...sure some don't but most do</p>

<p>I have wanted to slug someone...so I get the Feeling, but I never ever would</p>

<p>If we didn't teach how to control impulses, then you would have a bunch of 30 yo's smacking each other all the time, but starting out young, we as parents work on impusle control with ourselves and with our children, and as we grow up, teens NEED to work on themselves...that is how the brain is trained....sure people mess up, but its what happens AFTERWARDS that is important, and not feeling bad about what you did, just the getting caught part, well....

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Not acting on certain impulses can mean a boring life sometimes (it depends on what you value). In school you control two things: image and grades. Some people may rank them differently on a scale of importance.</p>

<p>I see your perspective, but try to see it from Strawberry's point. He can stand up for himself or he can stand down, basically saying "OK, I give up, throwing a big rubber ball at my face has no consequences". And seeing yourself as "physically" equal to other people is usually important for teenager coughguyscough and can tip the risk for the reward balance. However, if his future is much more important than self-esteem or dignity, then go ahead and do nothing. If infact there was a teacher close by watching him then, yes, he shouldn't have done anything. </p>

<p>I know from a parent's perspective, any kind of fighting/drugs/sex/alcohol is no-questions-asked-looked-down-upon. And it most likely will influence the admissions committees. Just know that kids have different perspectives. It may not seem justifiable to you, but was to him at the time. And now that he knows that it might affect college and feels semi-guilty about drawing blood, he's probably learned his lesson.</p>

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<p>Um, hello Prothero, strawberry didn't need to choose between breaking somebody's bones and sitting there looking like a wimp. He could have gone over and cussed the heck out of him. I know kids who can swear like a sailor.. a minute of that and nobody will look at you like you're anything close to a wimp. And yes, swearing up a storm is a better solution than breaking somebody's nose. You can't get suspended for cussing. If you can't see more than two possible outcomes to strawberry's scenario, you must be a typical, all-action male. btw, I'm a kid, not a parent.</p>

<p>Yeah, I understand that strawberry just lost control for a moment and didn't mean to break a nose. BUT those of you who say you "have" to hit the guy back to show you're not a wimp are wrong. Verbal abuse can be a lot more hard-hitting and vicious than physical abuse, but WON'T get you in trouble. I'm not advocating it, but if you have to let off steam, which sometimes people do, it's a better alternative.</p>

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<p>Hello Amb3r, well for most "typical" males it is hard to revert to a completely non-physical situation once the other party has used physical force. I'm not trying to say there aren't other alternatives but that his actions are somewhat justifiable. Just depends whose eyes you are looking through.</p>

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<p>Most males to NOT use physical force, and thank goodness for that</p>

<p>and even if the kid was a verbal jerk who the OP admittedly tossled with MUTUALLY before, after him throwing a ball at you and then SMILING about it, doesn't mean you haul off and punch him in the face</p>

<p>There is a whole area in between doing nothing and breaking faces....I have seen big guys step up, get in the jerks face and then Walk Away....and they still feel like men without throwing a punch</p>

<p>As well, the OP himself has said he is a bigger guy, who trains and is strong, while the ball throwing is kind of physically wimpy....</p>

<p>And he only learned his leason because he got suspened, he still thinks violence was the answer</p>

<p>And I know "image" is important in HS, does the new image this kid have as a hothead who takes someone else down for throwing a ball and get suspended the image he wants? Because that is very likely how he is seen, seeing the suspension, not going to grad party, etc</p>

<p>Sometimes the image you think you might get for Protecting your image ends up being worse</p>