<p>NSM- My daughter said, “It’s kids playing on the playground. Sometimes things get rough. I don’t regret what I did at all! I know things are different now in schools, but things used to get very physical.”</p>
<p>Amb3r,
In middle school, DS2 was repeatedly harassed by a student in PE class, reported it to the PE teacher, who did nothing. Went to the teacher three times over the course of the class repeating the problem. Finally got a ball forcefully kicked at his face. DS2 called out, “Get the hell away from me,” went to the teacher yet again, and was given a six-hour detention for <em>profanity</em>. Everyone agreed DS2 said nothing more than “hell.” DS2 was 6’2", 225 lbs. at the time. Coulda easily pummeled this kid. He didn’t. Instead, DS2 wound up with a reduced sentence after we intervened – a lunch detention, where he sat doing his HW while other kids used profanity at the teacher supervising them far worse than what he was cited for.</p>
<p>Then there was the kid who was so eager to bully my other son that he decked a teacher who got in the way. </p>
<p>I don’t get this raging testosterone thing as an excuse for uncivilized behavior. Sorry.</p>
<p>OH MY GOD. citygirlsmom, are you slow? I said VIOLENCE WAS NOT THE ANSWER. The guy also got physical with me a couple of times by slightly slapping me while I just fended them off. And when did I ever say that I did what I did to “protect my image”? I have not once stated that it was for my image. I said that it was for MY SELF-RESPECT. I would not be able to respect myself and would feel like absolute dirt if I let someone that hurt me that badly be let off so easily. I know reacting violently in the future will get me in more trouble, so I have to learn how to react in different, non-violent ways that will still let me keep my self-respect. I also said that my reaction should be understandable, given all the circumstances. </p>
<p>And where in the world did you grow up from? In which world are you living in now? Violence is all around us, if you haven’t noticed. It would be RARE for another boy my age to react differently given ALL the circumstances that I had.</p>
<p>All of your comments have been ridiculous so far. You have no right to say comments like that. You are NOT me. You did not even see what happened. Stop acting so high and mighty, cause you’re not. </p>
<p>You know what? I would really appreciate it if you would just stop posting in my thread. I can’t take your worthless comments any more.</p>
<p>
Trying to get out of it this way and that way, nothing but own up your mistake; seems like you have learned nothing from this incident. Adcom has reason to be weary. By the way they will find out when they received your final transcript from your high school.</p>
<p>Should’ve punched him in the kidneys.</p>
<p>strawberrymayo: I’m just waiting for one little phrase from you… do you think you can do it?:</p>
<p>“I am sorry I hit the kid.”</p>
<p>by the OP:</p>
<p>“just sit there and look like a helpless idiot?”</p>
<p>that IS about image</p>
<p>and if you are this angry at me, some anonymous stranger who isn’t saying what you want to hear…</p>
<p>and NO, most males I know wouldn’t break a nose because they got hit with a ball…you wanted to hurt and punish this kid, not protect yourself- two very different concepts</p>
<p>LOL this post is hilarious</p>
<p>^^ and sad</p>
<p>DunninLA, I will never be sorry for actually hitting the guy. I am really sorry for breaking his nose, but not for actually hitting the guy.</p>
<p>This guy border-line bullied me a couple of times. I once told him “Watch those hands of yours” after he slightly slapped me in the face. I’m not going to be sorry for something that he had coming to him (a hit from me), which was a reaction. Why should I feel sorry for a reaction? I’m not going to say this anymore.</p>
<p>Citygirlsmom does not get the concept of developing (or not) impulse control. It is NOT something that comes naturally to teenage males in particular. This is a fact. The OP may have some maturity issues- didn’t we all at that age? You seem to hold everyone to a ridiculously high standard.</p>
<p>I am glad to see that at least one adult understands me. I couldn’t have been the only one that believed that cgm had unbelievable standards for human behavior. There has to be something wrong with her.</p>
<p>Does anyone else like to grab a bowl of peanuts and kick back while reading this thread</p>
<p>It started out kind of petty and stupid, but now it’s just LOL. I hope this never ends.</p>
<p>^ oh yeah. More like grabbing a bowl of sour cream and onion chips.</p>
<p>
CGM, I honestly think you don’t have a good perspective of the world. You probably live in some privleged neighborhood where all the guys are nice. That’s not how the world works. From the OP’s description, I think a lot of males here would hit back (I saw these things happen). Look around and see how high up you are in society before wanting everyone else to act accordingly.</p>
<p>I find this thread so funny; Most people here don’t understand the real world – not even these adults. This guy did what he had to do. Go live in large urban areas with ghettos and the like, and trust me, a lot of you guys would not be saying the same ridiculous and funny c<em>r</em>a<em>p</em> I’m hearing. What the guy did was commendable, even. Shoot, yeah, I said commendable.</p>
<p>“I honestly think you don’t have a good perspective of the world. You probably live in some privleged neighborhood where all the guys are nice.”</p>
<p>To the various people who have made such comments: The bottom line is that college administrators want their campuses to be like the part of the world in which “all the guys are nice,” so may be wary about admitting someone who broke someone’s nose because of being deliberately hit in the face with a ball.</p>
<p>As someone who has been a college professor and is also married to one, I think the real world of people who are college professors, admissions officers, etc. tends to be places in which “all of the guys are nice” so to speak even if that means they send their kids to private school to accomplish that. </p>
<p>I have lived in D.C., Atlanta, and Detroit when each of those cities was the murder capital of the country. I still didn’t hang around people who thought that the kind of thing that the OP did was acceptable (though admittedly there were plenty of people in such areas that did think such things were acceptable, but they weren’t my co-workers or fellow students). When my older S went to school in Detroit, it was a private school and the “to respect myself, I need to retaliate” attitude was frowned upon by administration and parents. </p>
<p>As for the impulse control of teen boys: It is true that teens’ brains are still maturing, but I believe that most high school males have the impulse control not to punch someone who throws a dodgeball into their face. </p>
<p>When it comes to those who haven’t yet developed that impulse control, colleges can choose not to admit them just as colleges can choose not to admit students who haven’t yet developed the discipline and maturity to study to get good grades.</p>
<p>As the mother of 2 sons, I am well aware of maturity issues involving males. While both of my sons had the impulse control and wisdom to be able to avoid fights (incidentally, they went to a magnet high school in the hood, and there were frequent fights in that school), both were immature when it came to developing the discipline to study. Older S went immediately off to college and got failing grades. Younger S delayed entrance for a year, and now is away in college with honors grades.</p>
<p>How do you think the control happens…by NOT doing what you want to do in the moment</p>
<p>When you have a little kid, they don’t have much impulse control either, so do you let them keep hitting? No, you teach them and work with them, and they generally stop and Learn NOT to just lash out and their brains are way less developed than a big 18 year old</p>
<p>Again, if impulse contol was so hard for teen age boys, there would be fights all the time, everywhere, but there are not- most boys don’t lash out physically, most boys have pretty good control</p>
<p>If we went with the premise that teen boys 'can’t help it" then why have punishments at all? Seriouslly, if you say, well, it is their brains, so eh, they can’t stop themselves, lets just let it slide…is that how it should be?</p>
<p>And the poster wanted to cause pain, serious pain…that doesnt’ sound like “just reacting” to me</p>
<p>The real world is not the ghetto because the majority of Americans don’t live in ghettos. Ghettos are the worst reality that America knows, extreme breeding grounds for violence. And I don’t think all of you ‘hardcore punks’ live in the real ghetto either. Why would a kid from the ghetto get on a site like CC in the first place? I live in new york city and I see a lot of fights at my school, and occasional broken noses and broken jaws, but they’re never over something stupid like somebody getting bopped on the head with a ball.</p>
<p>I have spent some time reading and rereading the many posts here before chiming in. What is clear is that there is a lack of perspective and proportionality on both sides of the issue of whether the OP should or should not have hit the kid. On one hand, you have one set of posters who are convinced that the OP engaged in a horrific act of violence that if left unchecked in our society will lead to chaos and the disintegration of our societal fabric and therefore he deserves what he gets. On the other side, are a bunch of posters who trivialize what occurred and appear to feel that the OP was fully justified in what he did and that those who protest to the contrary are just naive and sheltered. Neither side is willing to stop and reflect for a moment that there is merit to each sides perception. Like so many aspects of our society today, this debate is fraught with absolutism and a refusal to acknowledge the legitimacy of different points of view. And I say this as someone who over the years has come in intimate contact with a broad spectrum of violence ranging from school yard horseplay to potentially lethal situations, who has worked commercial construction in a cultural environment where disputes were often resolved with fists, who served for 12 years as an officer of PTO’s and Parent Councils justifiably concerned about violence in the schools, who along the way picked up degrees in psychology and law and who has raised both a son and daughter. I think my experience and background gives me a pretty balanced perspective.</p>
<p>Lets look at what the facts are. The OP was minding his own business, sitting on the sidelines, when he was struck in the face by a ball thrown at him with force, with the intent to strike him, by a kid who in the past had made it a practice to attempt to provoke the OP by putting his hands in his face. The kid, rather than expressing regret, simply grinned at the results of his actions. The OP reacted with anger and upset and smacked the kid in the face. One punch, thrown in the heat of the moment. The OP did not stand over the kid he struck and continue to pummel him, kick him or continue the violence. His reaction was understandable, justifiable and entirely proportionate - given that it ended where it did. Those that feel to the contrary are ignoring the culpability of the kid who threw the ball. Any way you cut it, it was an assault. The kid who threw the ball thought he could get away with the assault without consequences. The OP’s response was a natural and proportionate consequence - one punch.</p>
<p>The problem is that there was an unintended consequence of the punch - a broken nose. That elevated the situation to a whole different level in which the OP has culpability. The OP was horrified at that result but must accept culpability for it even though he never intended to inflict that level of damage. But this is where both sides in this debate go off the deep end. </p>
<p>Those who would condemn the OP for his lack of remorse about throwing the punch and dismiss his remorse about the consequences seem to be unable to evaluate his actions in context. Their world is one of absolutisms born out of our modern “Zero Tolerance” reaction of fear that seems to render so many elements of our society incapable of differentiated thinking and the exercise of sound discretionary proportion in dealing with life events. </p>
<p>Those who would trivialize the OP’s actions seem not to have a realistic understanding of just how easy it is to have violence spin out of control with consequences that are far reaching. Perhaps they have never experienced it. Perhaps they have never observed, delivered or have been on the receiving end of blows that break bones or cause internal damage so that it is easy for them to shrug off a “single punch” as “boys will be boys”. Perhaps it is they who are naive and sheltered and not those who are aghast at the OP’s actions. Simply put, there is nothing good that comes of violence - sometimes necessary - but never good. </p>
<p>(Interestingly, I once participated in a college level Mens Studies Course where violence and males was one of the topics. Some of the class participants were of the same view that throwing a punch was just a natural part of being “male” and why take it so seriously. It appeared that they had not been exposed to the real impact of violence. It seems that those who extol the virtues of “harmless” violence often are not. So I took 6 1" pine boards, stacked them up and put my fist through them and asked the class to consider the sound and force of such a blow applied in a moment of anger to the frailty of a persons face and whether they still thought throwing a punch was no big deal.)</p>
<p>So to the OP, do I think you are “evil” for throwing the punch - no, I think your response was understandable and proportionate under the circumstances. However, it obviously did not reflect good judgement and you didn’t think about the potential immediate, let alone long term, consequences. In that respect it was wrong. But I think you know that. Do I think that it should cause your acceptances to be rescinded, no but there is a risk of that. We all live in a different world today post Columbine than when I was growing up.</p>
<p>So here’s what I would suggest. Talk to your guidance counselor and assistant principal about whether the suspension and incident are noted on your permanent school record. Will it show up on your final transcript. Different schools have different policies in this regard. Ask your guidance counselor whether the incident will be reported to the colleges in some other form. The responses you get will guide you on whether you should take appropriate measures to explain the circumstances in a letter to the colleges. As others have said, however, if you do need to explain it, remember that we live in a world today where the “rules” are inflexible, simplistic and often devoid of rational discretionary thought processes. Anything less than total remorse will put you in a very negative light.</p>
<p>Thankyou^ Couldn’t have said it better</p>