My mil and I were talking about this today. She thinks it’s a passive aggressive statement.
I will say this a lot to my relatives who are going through a hardship. I do put them on my prayer list and they want me to pray for them.
I don’t say it to someone who’s not religious.
I never ever thought that praying for someone was at all controversial. Am I making a faux pas?
I’m a prayerful person as well and handle things as you do. It’s never my intent to make anyone uncomfortable and I’ve actually had an atheist acquaintance ask me for prayers during a stressful time in their life.
I don’t think it’s a faux pas. I also say it to those who I know will appreciate me telling them so. I don’t say it to those I am not certain would want to hear it (even if I do pray for them).
I don’t think it’s rude maybe because I do pray for a lot of people. Sadly I have a long list these days…
The phrase “I’ll pray for you” may be used as a way to show disapproval of someone or their behavior. This is obviously not how you use the phrase.
If you know for a fact someone would appreciate your prayers, then it seems fine to let them know.
If you’re pretty sure someone would appreciate it, but you’re not sure, it’s probably best to ask “Would you like me to put you on my prayer list?”
I’ve had people “pray for me” knowing full well that I am either not religious or a different religion from them (Christians telling me, a non-religous Jewish person, that they would pray for me). Sometimes it’s passive aggressive.
It depends. If you tell someone you are praying for them to see the error of their ways, or because you think their soul is in need of saving, or because they aren’t living up to your standards, that’s passive aggressive.
But that doesn’t sound like what you are doing.
Ditto, and I always try to gauge the reception. Pretty much everyone who knows me IRL knows my faith and that I don’t push it on others, so even though we might not agree they know it’s meant for good. Those who disagree have often said, “I’ll take all the help I can get!”
This reminds me of the southern, “Well bless your heart…”
I don’t use that.
A few years back I was very sick with stage 4 colon cancer. I had many many people telling me that they would pray for me even though I’m not a religious person and most of them probably knew that. I was still comforted by their kind words and took the prayers gratefully.
Speaking for someone who doesn’t pray, I make a conscious effort of act “gracious” about it, as I do realize it’s meant to be a caring expression.
So, I’m not offended, but in the back of my head, I can’t shake the little nagging feeling that it forces me to subdue my true feelings about religion, just not to affront the other person (after all, I already have to deal with whatever the primary “issue” is, so have no energy to enter into theological discussions).
To relate to it in a different way:
If for a moment we leave out the mainstream religions (whichever that might be), imagine someone who follows a more “fringe” believe with “unsettling” (but legal) practices/spells, would you like to be on the uninvited receiving end, no matter who well-meaning?
The only time I find it bothersome is when people say it in lieu of saying anything that takes more thought or sincerity. For example, the way overused “our thoughts and prayers are with you.” It sounds so canned, rote, trite.
But when I feel someone is truly being sincere, I appreciate it. Sometimes words do fail us, though, so we well may fall back on the auto response. If I know the person well, I can usually distinguish those differences. With total strangers, it’s impossible to know for sure. I suppose one could just give the benefit of the doubt.
Yes, I would be grateful no matter what. If they are sending good intentions via magic incantations, smoke signals, witchcraft chants-the intention is positive, and they are trying to help. Maybe not in a manner that does any good, but they get credit for trying.
I have an extended family member who is intensely atheist and has been having a really rough time the last year or so. I literally pray for them every single day, but I never ever would tell them that. Major offense would happen, I think.
I really like get what you said “would you like me to put you on my prayer list”. It sounds sincere and respectful.
I’m one of those people who doesn’t like someone saying they will post for me, unless I know they are deeply religious. I guess it does sound trite or passive aggressive,
That’s why I like that statement above, or even “I’d like to put you on my prayer list, if that’s ok”. That would mean a lot to me.
So I shouldn’t have said it to my very religious friend after she told me she was not getting the vaccine?
That made me chuckle! And I don’t blame you!
My mil thought it was made as a dig because of the situation. More like bless your heart.
I say I’ll pray for people in an honest way. I really wish for them an answer even if it’s not the answer they were hoping for. Meaning a illness or difficult situation in their lives.
My relatives are very Catholic and regular church goers. It was something I never thought about because I’ve been praying a lot lately. And it’s an expression of love from me.
Some people are just looking to be offended. I ignore those people. Life is too short.
I agree, intention & context is everything. I mostly tell folks I will keep them in my thoughts, as I’m not religious and most who know me know that. If I believe it will bring comfort, I say I will pray for them. It’s just another way of saying you care—however it’s said it tends to be well received when genuine.
I agree that most will take it as a grateful, caring gesture.
I will say “I’ll pray for you or you’re in my prayers” but if I’m not sure about a persons feeling about religion i say “I’ll be thinking about you” “I’ll be thinking good thoughts or sending positive vibes “ or something like that.
I imagine a lot of people say “I’ll pray for you” - but then don’t really do that. What they really MIGHT mean is “my thoughts are with you”.
I kind of have the opposite problem. I am not religious at all, but sometimes the most appropriate thing to say to someone is “I’ll pray [you] or [him].” I really try to avoid that because it’s a falsehood and I won’t. Instead I’ll say something like “My thoughts are with you” or “I’ll be thinking of you.”