I agree with all of the statements: that those of us who really have no bad intentions will pray out of love or concern for the person.
I also have noticed that we’ve been in situations where there is a lot of need of emotional support everywhere.
As a spiritual person, I know that people who are atheists may not feel comfortable if I say that I will pray for them. I quietly “think” a “silent thought” for them.
I don’t think anyone I know would be offended.
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I never say it but did over the past year to two friends who had cancer. I wasn’t sure how they felt about it, though.
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I’m an atheist and my family is fully aware of it. My stepmom and step sister have said this to me numerous times. I have no problem with it. I think it’s nice. I don’t pray, but I’ll tell people on social media that I’m sending them all my positive thoughts. So it’s the same thing.
My stepmom has also recently started saying “have a blessed day” to me. I think she’s trying it out. I am not wild about that one, tbh. It sounds artificial to me. But if she wants me to have a blessed day, I guess that’s fine.
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Well, I’m a southern atheist, so I hear it a lot in my environs (though not usually directed at me). I’m not offended by it, but it kinda rolls off like “have a blessed day” which I used to hear a lot when I was going out more back in the before times — from the cashier at the drug store or wherever. I’m kinda “okay, you do you,” about that to steal a phrase from my kids.
As for “I’ll pray for you”, I did think it was really weird and funny when I was in high school (back in my church going days) when I think I had a cold in gym class and a girl said she’d pray for me. I was like, “it’s just a cold”.
I do think asking if the person would like you to to put them on your prayer list could be another way around it.
It is a bit like “bless your heart” which despite what popular media would have you believe is not always snarky. My mom used to say that with genuine sympathy, “well, bless her heart, she sure has been having a hard time lately with the cancer scare, and Junior breaking his arm, and now the car repairs.” You can use it snarkily, “well bless his heart — he never was the brightest bulb”, but there are plenty of times it’s not snarky.
“I’ll pray for you because I care and am concerned about you and want things to work out for you” is different from “I’ll pray for you because you sure do need some prayers for your sinful ways.”
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FWIW, I don’t like this phrase if it’s directed toward me or my family.
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Do you know if I am religious? Actually I am religious, but my religion doesn’t believe in prayer. I know it’s meant well, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it directed at me. But to answer your question, I’d find it mildly irritating, but at the same time I know that it will make you feel better and that is important too.
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For me it’s something I would say to someone that I know enough about to know their religious stance.
I guess I would say it to only people of the Christian faith that I know practice their religion.
I guess I don’t know if people who aren’t Christian use and practice prayer. If they were struggling my prayers would be with them but I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling them something that I’m not sure they do or practice.
I definitely never push my spirituality. It’s personal to me but if I know that is something you practice then I will share.
The bottom line is that I try and be respectful to everyone.
This has been an interesting conversation
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I have a relative going through a stressful time. I know he’s not particularly religious. I say to him that he’s in my thoughts.
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“My prayers are with you” is how I would say it. I say it to people who are in my religious community and tradition. I wouldn’t say it to anyone else, even if I actually am praying for them.
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There are undoubtedly some who are offended by offering your good thoughts, or best wishes, or sympathies to them. I would rather live in a world where people freely offered such positive empathetic remarks than one in which we all refrained from saying anything human because we might offend one another
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It’s not about offering good thoughts, best wishes, or sympathies and nobody thinks we all must refrain from saying anything human.
I remember co workers saying they would pray for me when going through a divorce, and appreciating the sentiment and effort as no one else could do much of anything, me included. In my very liberal community, those words are not often heard. But I say them, to those for whom it would mean they are being cared for. It means a great deal to some and I honor that.
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I used to participate on a high risk pregnancy forum where it was common for posters to say that they were praying for someone. Then one day there was a discussion where many of the posters admitted it was just something they said and they weren’t really praying. So now I don’t believe it when people say it unless I know them personally to be the praying kind of person.
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Well, actually, that is what people are trying to say when they indicate they will pray for someone-they may not be in a position to do anything else, but they are trying to be emotionally supportive. And on this thread, there are posters who don’t like that and would prefer people not say it.
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How about “is there anything specific I can do to help you right now”, or “Can I bring over a meal for the family on Sunday night” or “Is there a meal train/shopping train I can participate in” and if the answer is “No, we’re good, but thank you” you can come back with “Would you feel supported if I prayed for you?”
I think the prayer stuff feels empty if the person really needs a friend or neighbor to go the store, bring back bananas, milk, cheese, cheerios and a few cans of tuna. Or show up with a fully cooked dinner and a huge salad which will last two days. But if someone is already set with the basics, then the prayer offer is sweet.
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I think for people who are religious it can mean a lot. Didn’t the OP say she only said it to those who were religious?
I am not so when someone says it to me it doesn’t do much for me but I don’t find it offensive. I don’t feel supported either though.
I would feel more supported by someone who knew about whatever I was going through getting back touch with me later in person or via text or a phone call with something like, “ I’ve been thinking about you and just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”
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I had a relative say “I’ll pray for you” when I responded “no” to a pointed question about whether I take Jesus Christ as my personal savior. In this context it’s very offensive and passive aggressive.
I have no issue with people saying “I’ll pray for you” in response to illness or other struggles. In that context it’s their way of saying that they care.
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Sort of like when there is a tragedy and people respond with “thoughts and prayers” but do little else to remedy the situation. The words then become empty.
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Right, this is what I was alluding to previously - that for some people - or to some people - it’s a canned response without follow through - “I’ll pray for you” is sort of a sub in for “I’m sorry to hear this”.
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I think saying “I’ll pray for you” to an atheist (not the original situation, I realize) is a little like saying “Happy Hanukkah” to a Christian. It’s well-intentioned, but if you don’t celebrate Hanukkah it might be like, “okay, but I don’t do that?” and it’s just gonna seem a little weird. If you say “Happy Hanukkah” to your Jewish friends they are likely to be pleased.
So I think y’all are on the right track to keep the prayers to those who would appreciate them.
I am friends with people with a variety of spiritual backgrounds and occasionally someone will post online something like, “Going in for minor surgery tomorrow. Would appreciate your prayers or good vibes or whatever you do.” I always send the good vibes/thoughts in those situations.
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