I’m caught between my mental health and going to an amazing college. ..

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

Hi guys,
This is my first discussion post and I only signed up here because I really need some advice on a decision that dramatically changes my life. Simply some advice on what you would do if you were in my shoes. Freshman year at 14 I went to boarding school, but ended up absolutely hating it.
All of my friends birthdays students so when they left I felt isolated and alone. The academics were challenging, however so challenging that I found myself cracking under the pressure of physics and geometry tests. I had awful homesickness the first couple months, and only wanted to do was give up and go home. I tried shadowing at the local school in the area however its not as prestigious and would probably not get me into the dream colleges that are achievable at boarding school. I don’t know what to do. I have already developed an anxiety disorder tried engaging in the community, and have basically done everything I can to make myself comfortable there. I simply can’t find myself connecting with any of the borders, since they are more social and I am more antisocial.

   Help! I am entering sophomore year and I’m dreading it.  I’m now taking AP physics and tough for math courses.  I also have PSATs coming up and I feel as if this year is going to be even worse than the other.  I just wish that I could cry to my parents.   Should I stick out at boarding school in risk my own mental health in order to get a great education or go back home and go to the local high school?  don’t worry, I won’t base my decision solely on your answers, but only to get a little bit more insight on what other people have to say.
2

Being at a boarding school is not a guarantee for dream college acceptance, especially if you are struggling. IMO, your mental well being is most important. Go home. Do well. Plenty of students get into T20s from public schools.

3

“Plenty of students get into T20s from public schools.”

The majority of students at T20s come from public schools. I agree with momofsenior1 - stay home. Save the tuition money for college, get your head cleared, and you will be just fine.

4

First, take a deep breath. Now another one.

Second, please discuss this with your parents or other adults you can trust, like your school’s counselor or a teacher. They can be more helpful than anyone here. They can discuss this with you in person, and will know your specific circumstances. Seeking help means you are strong and forward-looking, not weak. I promise that those around you care about you and want to be helpful.

Third, I’m guessing it’s not that you are anti-social, but much more likely introverted, which is very fine, and something you share with lots and lots of people. Simply put, extroverts get energy from social activity, introverts get it from quiet and solitude. Both are okay, we actually need both. Understanding that, and yourself, shows self-awareness, which is important to growth and development. I’ll add, I think it can be challenging to be introverted at a boarding high school. You are around people A LOT, so hard to find quiet time for reflection. Developmentally, high school students naturally pay a lot of attention to what others think, and give it priority over what they think. All that can be challenging, and finding some support, and ways to do it that work for you, can be very helpful.

Fourth, you may go to Harvard or Yale. That would be great. AND I can absolutely promise you that there are many, many, many excellent colleges and universities with truly inspiring faculty, staff, and students. I’m not suggesting you go to the University of Nebraska, but just consider the school for a minute. It is very affordable for Nebraska students and a high % of the state’s top, top high school students go there. It is a major national research university with lots of labs. When they have a faculty opening, they get lots and lots of applications (probably 100+) from professors and grad students from top grad schools. So faculty members are extremely qualified. A hard-working, diligent student can get a world-class education there. I know students who’ve had transformative experience at VCU in Richmond. The person I know who has the most money–and it is an absolute fortune by any standard–and has a great family and personal life–had a middle-class upbringing, attended a very mediocre public high school and then a third-tier public university in a state with a poor reputation for higher education. They went from there to a top grad school. Now think of all the schools rated higher than these schools. My point: there are many great schools out there. Bright, hard-working students can succeed at any of them. You’ll find one that works best for you. Trust that, and you can relax and enjoy high school and learn to be you.

Fifth, take care of the things that matter and things will generally turn out best. The most important thing for you is to go to high school, work hard, have fun, and learn about yourself. What do you enjoy? What inspires you? What motivates you? Who makes you your best person? If you can answer these questions authentically a few years from now, and can act on them, you will be set up for a great college experience, and a great life. And, if I might add, enjoy the gift of youth.

Good luck!

5

Go home. Mental health is important. Plenty of kids can get into “top” colleges from public schools. Boarding school is not for everyone. Besides how can you be good to yourself and successful in life if you are in a bad situation and dreas returning to BS. Be true to yourself. Spend the year at home, work hard and figure out what makes you tick. Then go after it and work hard some more

6

Mental health is way more important than education. Period. Your teen years are formative years, you just begin the process of getting to know yourself, and try to relax a bit (there will be plenty of stressful years as an adult, lol), do put your health in the first place. You will have a good education and you can have it in many places, don’t pay too much attention to the “prestige” of colleges, esp don’t exchange the chance of going to tippy top schools with your own health. It. Does. Not. Worth. It.
People develop differently, someone may adjust easily into a new environment and thrive, others might need more time and you might just belong to the latter. Going to a boarding school at 14 is pretty challenging for most kids, so don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling homesick and/or not connecting with others.
Making sure that you sleep well, eat well, exercise, then you may find that it is a bit easier to focus on your school work and you may have more energy to interact with others. Having a good night of sleep is so important yet so undervalued.
Talk to your parents and best of luck.

7

You can get into a very good college or university without going to a very stressful or “big name” high school. You can get into famous “big name” universities from pretty much any high school. I went to a lousy public high school and went to one of the top universities in the world for what I was studying.

You can do very well in life going to a good college which is not one of the famous big name schools. I see people every day who graduated from pretty good in-state public universities (sometimes not even the top public school in their state) working alongside MIT and Stanford graduates, and no one cares where any person went to university.

You are learning an important lesson: Just because a school is fancy or someone thinks that it has a big name, doesn’t mean that it is a good fit for you.

Now you need to learn another lesson: You need to seek out help when you need it. You need to talk to a counselor at your school. Then you need to get help from the counselor to tell your parents what is going on. Then you need to transfer to a high school that is a good fit for you.

This might mean going to a public high school in your home town. It might mean going to an Waldorf or Montessori high school or a different “lower pressure” high school if there are any in your area. The Waldorf and Montessori high schools are very good schools, but have lower stress than many suburban high schools and many other private high schools.

The US puts way too much pressure on our high school students. There are a lot of high school students in this country who are suffering the same way that you are. Many of the very smartest students do not handle crazy amounts of pressure well. You need to find a way to take the pressure off for you, because what you are doing right now is just too much and is not working.

By the way, I know some students who did go to a lower pressure high school. Most transferred from higher pressure schools. One (who I barely know) just graduated Cum Laude from one of the top LACs in the US. Three others are attending very good very well known small universities or LACs. You don’t need to attend your current high school to do very well in life.

8

Mental Health…because if you don’t have good mental health, you won’t do well enough to get into a top college.
There are 3000+ colleges in the USA…you will still succeed if you don’t get into the top 1% of those colleges.

9

What’s your proposed schedule at boarding school?

Could your stress come from an overloaded schedule?

Are you there on scholarship? Or are your arebts full pay/nearly full pay?

Does your public school offer classes appropriate to your academic development?
Do you have friends at boarding school?

How about talking about your doubts with your parents - does your relationship allow that?

10

Just fyi - my nephew graduated from a local public high school that unless you happen to live in the area most likely no one has heard of. It is just your typical non competitive high school. The highest math offered was ap calculus AB for example. Guess what - he followed the school curriculum, did typical ec’s, scored in the 2300s on his SAT’s but no perfect score - he still got into and graduated from an ivy league. He just started work this month in a cs job and had his pick of jobs - not going to a super competitive high school did not hurt him in the least. He loved high school and college.

11

Having two kids almost through both boarding school and now college, I can safely say, you may be better off going to your local high school. You are competing against students in your own school/community. There are a lot of competitive kids in elite boarding schools. My students both got Cum Laude (top 15%) and were founders/presidents of Ecs/clubs, and 3 and 4 year Varsity athletes, but as ORMs still faced significant competition for top college spots. I think they both would have been happier if they had stayed local. Good Luck OP.

12

Please talk to your parents about this. They love you and they need to know. And your mental health is ALWAYS first priority.

As far as your social anxiety goes, there are wonderful therapists that can help you.