well I feel like I hit rock bottom today. to start with, there’s this one class that’s been rlly rlly difficult to me for dumb reasons. I just don’t enjoy it all but I have to take it anyways as its part of the program. one of the day’s the first project was due I stayed up working on it realizing I would never finish, so I went to sleep and didn’t go to class. come next week, I find myself again staying up because I left it till the last minute again. I feel horrible and show up saying I simply forgot to bring it, and the teacher didn’t bother hearing more about saying to bring it next time and it would be graded lower. and now I did the exact same thing, except this time I had to bring two things finished, which I couldn’t bother to finish either. I don’t know why I do this to myself. I can’t believe I am this stupid to fall for the same mistake three times in a row. I couldn’t bring myself to show up today. I think I’ll just make up some excuse saying I couldn’t leave my apartment and ask if I could see my teacher sometime this week to finally show my projects. but really I ended up staying up till five, until realizing my brain wasn’t allowing me to do my best and I just gave up. I feel so ashamed and terrible. something is seriously wrong and I can’t even see how I’ll manage to make myself feel better again. I kept putting it off believing I would really try my hardest and manage my time correctly but I failed again. the truth is I’ve been dealing with my depression because it’s worsening, and the stress of school isn’t helping. but I don’t even understand why. I have three hour classes six days a week, they do give out a lot of work, but it’s something anyone could deal with. so I don’t get why I can’t. and it’s stressing me out. I just don’t feel like doing things sometimes and I only try because I have to, but this time I feel like I really messed up and I feel incredibly horrible. I had a week to do these two things but I kept putting it off and I could’ve even pulled it off if I had started them earlier in the day but I didn’t. I can’t just show up and say to my teacher “well you know, I just didn’t feel like doing it because I really dislike your class and I’m dealing with mental illness.” but I don’t get it, am I really that lazy or is it just my lack of motivation?? can I get out of this hole I feel like I keep getting deeper into?? i guess what I really want someone to tell me is that it’ll be ok and that it’s possible for me to get out of this, if you’ve ever reached a low point, how did you get back up??
Will your school allow you to drop the class? Maybe you could try it again when you’re in a better headspace.
I have a feeling your prof has seen many things in his/her career and this is not the first instance of a student having similar difficulties. Email the prof and make an appointment to go in and talk. Be honest. Tell them everything you’ve said here. This is advice I’ve given my own kids and it always works out! You’re going to be OK, just be honest.
What are you spending all your time doing? I am assuming it is something that is not productive? Do you need help with time managment , or is there a bigger issue…ie partying too much?
Get yourself to the counseling center and the academic support center NOW. You need some help ASAP to stop digging yourself into a hole. You have half a semester to repair this. Don’t throw away your money (or your parent’s money) and this opportunity for an education if there are resources you can access to help you.
I’d really like to but I’d also like to also kind of let my parents into it, but I’m not sure how they’d react. I’ve tried talking to my mom about mental issues and she shuts me off saying I don’t know what I’m talking about. And I’ve been trying really hard to just deal with it but there’s also a lot going on and I’m afraid of just being another problem to add to the list of problems to my parents. But I know I can do this and I also know I need help, I just really fear what will happen when I finally open up.
Start with the resources at your college. They are there to help you.
Maybe first go to your college’s Counseling Center. Tell them what you told us and ask for guidance.
They can refer you to a psychiatrist, perhaps, if you need medication for depression.
Talk to your professor…let them know you are having issues adn you are addressing them. They may be more forgiving if they know what is going on vs. just thinking you are slacking. Is there a way to catch up? Can you get a tutor?
Talk to your adviser…should you withdraw from the class? Will that keep you full time?
Then talk to your parents about your plan if you don’t think they are supportive.