I don’t know if I’m posting in the right place. I just need to talk to somebody because I can’t in real life. I’m currently in my senior year of college. (I should have graduated last semester if I wasn’t awful). I am still close to 40 credits away from graduating. I don’t know whats wrong with me. I have no motivation to do anything. I put everything off until the last minute until I put myself in a situtation like this. I am not graduating any time soon.
I haven’t taken a class that has to do with my major in 2 semesters. Last semester I took 1 class. I have withdrawn from 4-5 classes in my career at school. This current semester may be worse. I am taking 4 classes, all online. I am about 6 weeks behind in ALL of these classes. I’m suprised I haven’t been dropped by the professors yet. As I type this, I should be doing school work. I have missed many quizes, tests, etc. so about 8 weeks in, I doubt I can even pass. Part of me wants to just keep going until they eventually fail me out again, (Yup, again) so that at least the letter that gets sent home can tell my parents instead of me having to go to them. I’ve never been more depressed in my 22 years of life than I am right now. Every time I go to open my laptop and log into the school’s system, I have a mini heart attack. It’s my own fault and nobody else’s. I don’t do anything. I lay in bed all day. I don’t have many friends. I work 3 days a week. I literally have no excuse to be this worthless of a person. I feel the worst I’ve ever felt.
I feel like I just want to drop everything and quit school. I know I’ll go back some day, but my parents would never believe that. I can’t talk to them about stuff like this. My dad gets irrationally angry and my mom just goes with the flow.
I guess there really is no advice for me. Thank you for taking the time to read my pathetic story if you did. Means a lot.
Go to student health, your primary care doctor - even your old pediatrician or a walk in clinic - and tell them all of this.
Please go see a counselor ASAP - like tomorrow. It sounds like you have depression. You need to see someone right away and take care of yourself. School can wait.
i hope you will please do whatever you have to do to seek out professional help. I know that can be scary but it sounds like you really need someone to help you sort things out. Most schools have counseling you may be able to access through the health center. Best wishes!
@RandyManzella Hang in there! Go see a counselor to get you on track. Your health (physical and mental) is of
primary importance. Please act right away
Ditto -you aren’t well -just like if you had diabetes or something. Get some help
I don’t know how to get help. I don’t even know where to start. I’ll just look like another dumb lazy kid who’s sick of school. I know it’s not right to feel this way at 22 but I feel like I’m going to lose no matter what I do.
No, @RandyManzella, you are not a loser or a dumb lazy kid. You are a young adult struggling with issues, possibly mental health related, perhaps health wise. When my second son was 22, we had a sense something was wrong but he wouldn’t talk to us. One weekend, my D, who had graduated from the same school he was at, drove up to see him. He was able to tell her about his struggles and we were able to effectuate a mental health withdrawal for the semester and a leave of absence. That was 2 years ago. Up until a couple of months ago, he just basically sat around at home, refusing to go for counseling or get a job. My H and I fought about it because I am more tough love than him, but he convinced me our boy was fragile and we had to give him time. About 2 months ago, he went to H and said he was ready for therapy. He knows that I know he is going, but we don’t discuss it. He talks to H. He doesn’t want his siblings to know so they don’t. Anyway, he is now talking to his therapist about a plan for finishing his education.
What you should do is call, text or email your parents or the one you feel closer to or a sibling you trust or another relative or family friend. Tell them what you told us here and ask for help getting a medical withdrawal and leave of absence. Then, don’t wait like my son did - get into therapy asap and figure out what’s at the root of your issues.
Good luck, you are SO young and you have SO much to look forward to. As a parent, I wish you would reach out to your parents instead of other people’s parents in the internet.
@RandyManzella please go to or call your campus health center, or your RA if you live in a dorm, or your adviser or your dean. Explain what is going on and they will know what services are available on your particular campus. The people who work in those services will be able to tell the difference between someone with depression and “another dumb lazy kid who’s sick of school.” You don’t sound like the latter to me. Hang in there!
@RandyManzella please walk right down to your RA now. Talk to him/her. They can get you the help you need. They can also put you in touch with a professional at school who can help. It is solvable. Don’t talk badly about yourself, please just reach out and get the help you need.
I don’t know how to talk about it. This is the closest I’ve ever come to talking openly about my feelings. Pathetic I know. Everything I have talked about is just the tip of the ice berg. I don’t eat. I’m up until 5 am every night. I sleep until 2 pm. There’s a million things wrong with me. I’m embarrassed of who I’ve become. I’m embarrassed that I’m on a forum instead of manning up and just getting my work done. I’m embarrassed that I can’t even call a counselor because I’m afraid of when they ask me “Why are you calling?”
Thanks for everyone who has answered. It may not seem like it but it has helped. Counseling never even entered my mind, but now I am looking into it.
@RandyManzella You say, “I need help” they will help you!
I am going to call the school’s counseling number tomorrow. I have work tomorrow, but hopefully someone can help me the next day. I just don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t really talk, especially about personal stuff, so I’m really out of my wheelhouse.
If you don’t know what to say show them the posts you have put on here. Please don’t be embarrassed, please don’t feel the need to man up as you put it.
You need counseling, that’s all. This is nothing a therapist hasn’t seen, and they are trained to help without judging. Go to the counseling center on campus, or ask your primary care doctor for a referral. This can be dealt with. If you seek help now, you might be able to salvage your grades, or consider withdrawing for the semester (with a diagnosis, and a medical withdrawal, you may be able to have the classes completely removed from your transcript rather than failing. This is something that can be overcome, with a bit of help, and once you get that help you will have a completely different perspective. If you find the will to do anything in the next 24 hours, it should be to find a therapist to talk to.
Thank you all. Your kindness for me as a complete stranger is like nothing I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if I’ll ever be normal, or if I’ll ever get out of this slump, but you have all been so kind.
Thinking of you Randy. You can also text the crisis line at 741741 should u want someone to chat with.
So sorry you’re going through this.
You are not alone. Things can get better. Remember, you can’t have the rainbow without the rain.
It feels like you are the only one–but you are not. You have no idea how many people struggle with depression. Depression isn’t something we choose. It’s an illness. A dark night of the soul–but there is help for you, dear one. At any time, any one of us, young or old, could be in your shoes. Depression is not something “losers” get. It;s universal, like the flu. You think your parents will be mad–they could be, but that is not your fault, nor your problem. Now is the time for you to be the adult. If they are upset–it’s only to mask their fear–fear that you are hurting and they don’t know what to do. Fear that they caused you to be depressed, by their own perceived failures as parents. Fear that maybe they passed a "depression gene " your way. I have been in their shoes. When my kid was depressed–I felt like such a failure. At first. Then I realized that I wanted to be part of the solution–not part of the problem.
You have only one job now, and that is to “man up” to the truth–that all of us need help now and then, old and young, and right now is your time. Get to your health center asap and don’t leave until they direct you to a counselor for depression. Send an email to your parents if you can’t talk to them on the phone or in person. Tell them you love them, and that you need their support to figure out why you feel so bad. They may or may not be strong enough to help you, and you will have to be ok with that. Try to forgive them if they are upset. Someday you will be helping someone younger, and in more pain than you. You will be strong enough to pass along what you have learned. You are going to be ok–better than ok, because you have taken the first and very hardest step already. Blessings on your path to recovery and a full and vibrant life ahead. It’s going to be so much better than you think.