I really regret it

College Essays
1

<p>Just submitted an application to UMD an hour ago. I don't particularly want to go there, its certainly not my number one choice, but it is a college I was very sure I could get in.</p>

<p>Because my gpa is pretty awful (around 3.0/3.1) and my SAT isn't all that amazing (2020), i realized that my essay had to really be something unique. I took a big risk with the one i sent, but now i'm thinking it was too much. And i may have completely missed the ball with this one. My english teacher loved it, most other people did not.</p>

<p>The topic was open, so I just made up a question. Let me know what you guys think.</p>

<p>
[quote]
What do you most look forward to in college?</p>

<p>In this essay, I will write about why I look forward to college. There are several reasons, and I will write them here. </p>

<p>The first reason is freedom. I will have freedom to do what I want, not what I am told. I will live my life how I want, not how I am told. I am really looking forward to this in college. </p>

<p>The second reason is freedom. I will have the freedom to learn what I choose to learn, and not what is set in front of me. I will make my own decisions. </p>

<p>But the real reason is far bigger, far more important than these. It does not require this horrible archaic essay structure either.</p>

<p>It is freedom.</p>

<p>It is not the simple ideas described above; it is the ultimate freedom: being an individual.</p>

<p>For years, we are told how to learn. We are given graphic organizers to record our learning in the "correct" form. We are told how to format our essays; how to style each paragraph. Everything must be how others want it. </p>

<p>I understand that this is necessary in the early years. One needs an example to understand an abstract concept, and we, as newcomers to the learning world, had to start somewhere. But I do not need to fill in a chart about why "war is bad" when I am a senior in high school. It is not the same. </p>

<p>Not everyone benefits from taking precise Cornell notes. Not everyone learns the purpose of historical events by making a collage. What everyone does have is their own way of taking in information, and in college, we will be free to explore them-to learn what we want in our own way. I will not be forced to fill in graphic organizers. I will not be told to make flash cards overnight and study them. I won't be babied into education. </p>

<p>I will learn how I learn best.</p>

<p>I will take risks, such as this essay.</p>

<p>I will not fear "doing it wrong." </p>

<p>I will educate myself in the most efficient way I have:
My own.</p>

<p>And this I very much look forward to.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I was planning on using it as the primary essay for other colleges, alot of which are definitely "reach", but now im having second thoughts on it all.</p>

<p>Any advice?</p>

2

<p>It’s not the standard essay, but it’s kind of cool how the structure itself explains your message. So don’t worry. What’s done is done. Who knows, it might be refreshing to read an essay like this for a tired admissions officer who is up at 3 am going through hundreds of essays about their trip to Canada.</p>

3

<p>I really like it! I think that it’s very unique and will really set you apart from other applicants. This is exactly what a college essay should be - an insight into the applicant in ways other than their stats and ECs. If I was an admission officer I would be blown away and would definitely admit you. But, that is just my two cents…</p>

4

<p>"In this essay, I will write about why I look forward to college. There are several reasons, and I will write them here. "</p>

<p>I know the two other people here love that, but I personally can’t stand it. I hate it when kids say EXACTLY WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO SAY in the essay. It’s better to just start with your essay. The structure is just kind of… blah for me. </p>

<p>I like what you say though. It’s a good thing. :P</p>

5

<p>The plan for the “intro” was pure satire. I’m making fun of how (even now) we’re being told to write our essays. With the whole 5 paragraph structure, restating the question, having intro/conclusion sentences etc..</p>

<p>I tried to make that as clear as I could without outright saying it.</p>

6

<p>I don’t think it reads as much of a satire as it does an elementary essay.</p>

<p>But whatever, it doesn’t matter what I think, just what the adcoms think. Since you’ve already submitted your essay, why bother worrying about it? What’s done is done.</p>

7

<p>As much as you even said that in your essay, it still irks me. I really don’t care about the fact that it was “satire,” it’s just one of my pet peeves. LOL. </p>

<p>A college officer would probably say, “This person is interesting” though.</p>

8

<p>I’ve got to agree with atrophicwhisper- that first part needs to go. (The “in this essay I will write about…”)</p>

<p>I come from a family of wise-arses, all with a dry sense of humor (of which I’ve inherited), and I couldn’t detect the sarcasm/satire. If I couldn’t, I don’t think it will be obvious to quite a lot of people.
It seemed as if you were really shaky in the beginning, like an actor in a school play who reads their lines terribly.</p>

9

<p>I like your essay because it was interesting & different. Yes it was risky. My son also sent a very risky essay to UMD. We’ll see how it turns out.</p>

<p>However, your GPA is quite low for their standards, so if you do not get in, don’t assume it was because of the essay.</p>

10

<p>I like that essay! Its very creative and unique. The only risk is if they don’t understand it and they think you’re just a horrible writer lol.</p>

11

<p>You shouldn’t post your essay directly on the forum… <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/255610-posting-essays-other-sensitive-information.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/255610-posting-essays-other-sensitive-information.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

12

<p>I saw. I’m not worried if someone uses it. In fact, I hightly doubt they will use one of this… risk. =P</p>

13

<p>I am going to be totally frank here. I think that you should not use this essay for any other applications, unless you are majoring in the arts. </p>

<p>Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for challenging the status quo. Attorneys, for example, have to be creative and be willing to defend unpopular opinions. BUT, they still have to go to college and pass a bar exam to get their foot in the door. </p>

<p>I have a lot of experience with students who receive special education. Looking at you objectively (on the limited info that I have), you have an SAT score that shows above average intelligence, a GPA that does not reflect that intelligence, and combined with your essay, I smell BEHAVIOR PROBLEM. </p>

<p>There is a way to do it differently. Perhaps by stating that as a child, you felt that your ability to learn was confined by the methods or topics imposed upon you. And that you welcome the opportunity to finally spread your wings and fly towards uncharted territory of your own choosing, while charting your own course towards that territory. Something along those lines. Because, like it or not, you are a part of the system. You had to take that SAT to get into to college, you very likely have to follow some core curriculum, etc.. You can be a revolutionary, within reason.</p>

14

<p>At first when I read it, the repetition of “freedom” and the first sentence were a little worrisome. But the final message of your essay is pretty profound, and like other people said, I like how your essay is a reflection of your message. </p>

<p>On the other hand, the poster above me seems like s/he also knows what s/he’s talking about. Consider his/her advice as well.</p>

15

<p>Thanks for that advice everyone.</p>

<p>whatapain, you bring up some good points.</p>

<p>Funny, I’m actually probably one of the most well behaved people in my grade. I always do what I’m supposed to do, have never had disciplinary action etc.. and maybe because of that, this annoyance has been building inside and got me to write this essay =P</p>

<p>Another thing I forgot to mention. I dunno if it gives me anymore reason to write this essay, but I am completely undecided in my major. I honestly have no clue and I am not afraid to admit that (i did later on for the short answer portion). That kinda gives more reason to what I wrote here, because there is so much out there, and while i’ve got no clue what I’m going to be doing in life, it will all be open to me once i get the opportunity to look.</p>

<p>The gpa certainly needs explanation. I am in the highest classes my school offers, and have been so all four years (right now, 6 AP classes out of 6). I got 4’s and 5’s on AP’s from last year, even when my actual grades were not that good. But I think this essay could actually explain it. It is not the grades afterall that matter, it is the final grade, in this case the AP test. So the way grades measure what I’ve learned do not matter (perhaps that learning style did not fit mine like i said), the final result matters. The AP tests show that I learned the material, despite the grades.</p>

<p>I hope some of that makes sense. Thanks again for reading.</p>

16

<p>Unlike Whatapain, I do not see behavior problem as much as I see ADD or simply a bright kid who is disenchanted with the way most secondary schools structure every part of the learning process. The idea of the essay os good, but I would refine it by improving the writing style. The satire is hard to catch… perhaps you could simply describe the freedom you would find in a more flexible learning environment. Good luck. My kids both felt/feel high school is stifling and both enjoy the freedom college provides for them to learn the way they want to learn.</p>

17

<p>Perhaps you should have used some of those examples in your essay. I say, if you’re going to take a risk, your essay better be outstanding. You do have a good essay that shows your personality, but it didn’t blow me away. I’m not the most clever person so I took a more conservative route, but I think your essay will get you noticed. That’s the idea, right?</p>

18

<p>Stating what you are going to write about is a big no-no, even in essays that don’t follow conventional rules. Consider this; you go to a restaurant and request waiter be brought to your table. When the servant arrives, you say, “This is what I am going to eat: Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato. I would like to order a BLT.”</p>

<p>In a nutshell, not only is the intro unnecessary, it’s distracting, and a tab bit juvenile. However, I think the concept is great and I sincerely doubt an admissions officer is going to knock you out for such an original attempt. </p>

<p>Good luck, and if you don’t get in it’s their loss!</p>

19

<p>Unfortunately after reading the first short paragraph my reaction was, oh no, this isn’t good, it better get better fast. I agree with HSisoverrated: it (first paragraph) sounds elementary, but worse, unnecessary (redundant actually). Puts you behind the 8 ball for the rest of the essay. </p>

<p>Also I’m not sure how “risky” it is. Don’t most hs seniors think like this? That they waste a lot of time following rules, taking courses that don’t interest them? Don’t most seniors look forward to the freedom college will hopefully afford them?</p>

<p>There are parts I liked though. Just needs some fine tuning. Good luck!</p>

20

<p>To the poster above:
Most high school students might think like that, but most high school students do not necessarily write it down on a college application. That’s the risk.</p>