The reasons we had our kids regularly perform chores, despite having paid household domestic help, were for them to:
have a sense of pride & ownership in the condition of their family's living environment
acquire super-basic living skills
have apppeciation for the people who perform the chores for them
learn to suck it up when faced with an unpleasant task
We live in the city and don’t have a lawn, but I was proud of teenage S2 for mowing his grandparents lawn when he visited them this summer. S2 is very considerate and takes the initiative to ask if we need help if he sees us working on a household task.
S1 is working a grunt job this summer before freshman year of college, bussing restaurant tables. He says the work is hard & his boss is a rude jerk, but he takes great pride in earning a paycheck.
Mowing the lawn is practically a family legend. My husbands parents didn’t have do chores because the focus was on academics but the one time they did it was summer and they had him Mow the lawn. He ended up in the hospital because he has a grass allergy and it set off an asthma attack. Our kids have that allergy too. We have a lawn service and he always tells them ’ til you can afford a lawn service you can’t afford to live someplace with a lawn!"
@DrGoogle I hardly think taking 10-15 minutes to load a dishwasher takes away the focus on academics!
I used to have a cleaning service before I quit my job and became a SAHM and I admit it was GREAT! However, our budget didn’t allow it after I left my job (but ironically that’s when you need it most, I think–with the kids underfoot and not much time to clean, organize etc). Both my Ds had chores growing up–no allowance for the chores though. Things like vacuuming, dusting, garbage, dog duties, dishwasher and cleaning their rooms. Not too much to ask IMHO.
Sad to admit it, but we’ve done a worse job in the financial, and more broadly real life education we’ve given our kids. Our mantra has been along the lines of “you focus on education and we’ll worry about everything else till you’re done”. I now feel that teaching them to budget their time to different types of education, book- and real-life, and similarly play-time and toys funded by them and us, would have been better. But Newton’s first law is very strong and status quo will continue.
“I doubt that $90K will cover 4 years even for state school.”
4 years at my son’s college cost us approx $80K. He got need based aid. 4 years at any SUNY (room board & tuition) would have cost about the same with no aid at all. I believe in the article I read her bill for her senior year is $20K and she doesn’t have the money to pay for that. She obviously used $60K of the $90K to pay for the first 3 years of tuition. So she really only blew $30K.
There will always be people who squander opportunities and fall on their face, unfortunately some need that smash up to learn, they have to do it the hard way. To some extent her parents are responsible and in other ways it is now this young woman’s responsibility.
Our own daughter has only had “duties as assigned,” for chores. Being an accomplished musician starting very young and eventually playing several instruments over and above doing very well in school requires hours of daily practice. We told her we support you, with instruments and music and whatnot, if you quit practicing, you will not gain “free time” but rather chores that we presently don’t expect you to do. She decided that time on her flute, piano, or saxophone was way more fun than scrubbing bathrooms.
Now that she is about to go to school, I have been reminding her how to do this and that so that she doesn’t drive her roommates crazy not doing simple chores because she has never been required to on a regular basis.
Post #42, it was not required. But I meant to say the main focus was on academics, not just academics. Of course they have ECs and what’s not. My husband has his way of loading dishes and unloading dishes. When I helped out he didn’t like the way I loaded them. So I only do the unloading if he asks for help.
But as far as money. My kid goes to state school so it costs roughly about $25k per year. For 4 years, it’s $100k. Add in study abroad in one summer, it’s about $15k for one summer. So total would be about $115k. $90k wouldn’t be enough.
"So total would be about $115k. $90k wouldn’t be enough. "
Yes, some state schools are more expensive then others, so in your case $90K wouldn’t be enough. However, if we sent our son to a state school in New York, $90K would be more than enough.
My son went to a college with a COA of approx $240K for 4 years but because of FA the total cost was only $80K.
The girl said in her interview her bill for senior year is $20K.
“Kim has one year left of school and no way to cover her remaining $20,000 tuition balance.”
Now it may be that her parents are paying for her room and board but she obviously was able to pay her share the first 3 years she was in college since she is going into her senior year.
My kids didn’t have a lot of chores growing up, but if I asked them to do something they did it - trash, dishwasher, bring in the groceries. They did their own laundry since they were 11 or so. One didn’t like the way I unloaded the dishwasher (I don’t sort the silverware to her satisfaction) so I told her to do it herself. Often I’d hear her in the kitchen sorting it the way she liked.
But they both work. One is currently painting her grandmother’s living and dining room. Last week she let the dog in on the newly finished wood floors, got yelled at, and cut the grass out of guilt. They’ll haul rocks for the garden, help my brother set up fields for his teams. Rarely would you see one wash windows just for the fun of it or notice that the bathroom needs to be cleaned, but sometimes they surprise you.
One daughter used to surprise me by making my bed (perfectly) when I washed my sheets. I’d go upstairs expecting to have to put the clean sheets on and find she’d done it. That’s when I felt really loved.
There are schools where $20K will cover room/board, etc. If she is in state in GA there are schools that are affordable, especially if she has the HOPE scholarship. Look at the number of schools that offer guaranteed scholarships for certain SAT/ACT and GPA combos. This girl may not be stupid, she just seems so, LOL, because she is fiscally irresponsible. This story is being discussed on another thread too.
Insistence that a task be done a certain way can turn into a trap for the picky person-- he/she ends up stuck w the responsibility. .
I’ve learned to “let go”. As long as the dishes get clean or the socks get folded, I don’t interfere. There are many ways to skin a cat. This philosophy also applies to how I supervise my staff at work.
