<p>Ballerina - Nothing’s better or smarter or more fulling than being true to yourself. You’re following a wise course. I’m sure that you’ll do great.</p>
<p>I have to place another vote for GMT’s second piece of advice. It is really important to apply only to schools you are willing to attend. There are so many great schools that with the right approach you should always be able to find 1-2 reach schools, 1-2 target schools and 1-2 safety schools that you can really love and in which you could see yourself thriving.</p>
<p>My piece of advice would be to get to know the schools as well as you possibly can. Look far beyond numbers. There are real differences in the unmeasurable aspects of the school relating to personality, fit, social climate, etc. If you are a boarder, it is these aspects that can have a huge effect on your happiness.</p>
<p>Try your best to set aside the pull toward name brands and honestly access what you need, what you want, and why. Be very clear what you are looking for. Don’t rely on ‘the crowd’ to do your research for you…no one knows your particular situation and no one can select a school for you.</p>
<p>Realize that there are many great boarding schools that can give you a superb education and equip you very well for college. Hopefully your sole reason for attending boarding school is not just chasing after a certain set of colleges, but realize that there are a broad swath of boarding schools who do send kids on to these.</p>
<p>ChoatieMom said: </p>
<h2>"… I imagine what amazing thing he might be doing or learning at the moment, as Im sure many of you do, too. But in those moments, Im also thinking about how soon Ill see him again; Im never thinking about the permanence of this pattern. To me, its a subtle but devastating distinction that I did not clearly understand…"</h2>
<p>In the relatively brief time I’ve spent reading and even posting on these forums, I’ve been truly amazed by the generosity of spirit that lives here. The willingness to help one another for no other reason than to make things a little less tough for the next guy headed down this road…Well, I just wasn’t expecting it to be so easy to become a part of. the conversation-at least to this extent, and especially online. </p>
<p>For many of the reasons mentioned by other posters, I realized that speaking with other school parents, friends (and even family members) probably wouldn’t be a viable option where this subject was concerned, so I admit that our family was feeling rather isolated in this decision. Finding this forum has allowed me to question and comment freely without judgment, given me a broad panel of experts from which to choose, provided a sounding board and included academic advisement and emotional counseling all rolled into one. The term “saving grace” comes to mind. And despite the fact that I have no idea who any of you are outside of what I read on this screen, the quality of your advice has often rivaled that which I’d expect from my oldest and dearest friends. I keep asking myself how that’s possible from an online community full of strangers. However, the more familiar I’ve become with this forum, the clearer it’s become that you all have aligned yourselves to be a support sytem for one another. No strangers here- at least not for very long. Even with the rivalries between schools and the distinct preferences each parent has for their family’s chosen school, the authentic desire to help one another cannot be denied. I’ve been given so much wonderful advice from so many of you and I’m always left feeling humbled.</p>
<p>But this particular post did more than that. This one literally stopped me dead in my tracks.
Thank you, ChoatieMom for your beautiful words and your honesty. I’m certain that seeing your post tonight was meant to be. I cannot imagine a more spot on way of articulating exactly how I feel about our one (and only) child. And like many others who’d read it and already commented, I pictured myself in every word you wrote. The craziest thing about that is that when it came to our child, I was ALREADY feeling that sense of loss and sense of urgency to make every moment count. Something that I never expected to be so emotional about at this stage but something which has come over me this year nonetheless: this reminder of the loss to come. Long before considering this route of boarding school, just knowing that “there are only 4 more Christmas’ until going away to college” has made me an emotional wreck at times! Of course, I thought this sudden wave of emotion would fade as the year got rolling and we got busy with school and work and everything else life throws at us. But instead it’s made me want to stop and slow down that much more because each second feels more fleeting than the last.</p>
<p>I’ve felt beyond blessed that we continue to enjoy eachother’s company as much as we do- even as we’ve rolled into these usually unpredictable teen years. Our family of 3 has somehow managed to remain closer than ever with our soon to be 14 year old, opening up to us more and more everyday. This maturity and independance we see growing every day is frankly what sent us down this path in the first place.</p>
<p>So what can I honestly tell myself I now know for sure?
(Besides the fact that this has been the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make concerning our child)?
Well…
- I know that the passion surrounding finding a great education is alive and well and that the feeling is very contagious the more time spent here.
- I know that anyone quick to stereotype or judge a family choosing to go this route for their child’s education, need only spend 5 minutes on this site, reading about the sacrifices and selflessness that goes hand in hand with the (often agonizing) decision to let their kids thrive in such an unbelievable environment.
- I know that somewhere within the treasure trove of ACRONYMS, gems and other “once in a lifetime” finds, there lies the school that may one day be the perfect fit for us. </p>
<p>The thing about fit though, is that sometimes one has to grow a bit more in order to get that fit just right. And it’s okay to admit that “that” day just isn’t going to be today or even this year. After reading ChoatieMom’s post, with tears in my eyes and an enormous lump in my throat, it hit me that our family’s been dancing around the subject like it’s not real if we don’t think about it. But the fact of the matter is that the three of us really aren’t ready to let go just yet. And as much as I cannot imagine a more exciting learning environment than one of these schools, there’s an even stronger feeling telling me that, for now, our dogs need their boy in his own bed. And so do we.</p>
<p>Aww, what a nice post, goforprep! I’m glad you found this board. I too have been impressed by the parental wisdom here. </p>
<p>Your decision seems carefully thought out and well reasoned. Remind me, what year is your child in school? If I remember, DC is in 7th grade, perhaps even younger? Things do change (especially kids in puberty!!). This decision is NOT irrevocable, and some kids choose to board in their soph year or later. But if that isn’t right for your family, then your DC surely will thrive no matter what, with such a loving family.</p>
<p>Talk to other parents.</p>
<p>Thanks. Going into 9th next year. And you’re right: we can always change our minds later. I just didn’t see it being quite so flexible the other way around. :)</p>
<p>If only one visit to each school is feasible, then make it during the accepted student days. The information shared is as valuable as is meeting possible future classmates & their parents.
Additionally, visits when school is not in session can be misleading.</p>
<p>@ChoatieMom hit the nail on the head (to excuse an oft used cliche). I had no idea how hard this process was on my parents (one sibling also attended boarding school) and on the sibling that remained home until we went through the process. Buried in coursework and the daily whirlwind, I didn’t feel the time slip away on campus the way my parents did as home.</p>
<p>This past Thanksgiving break the time that passed faster than the speed of light. After we dropped her off at the airport and she shooed us away after clearing security, I looked at my husband and said “she really isn’t coming back to live is she?” (no good local college options even though she has a full ride at one of them already). </p>
<p>So we’re resigned to maintaining an airfare budget to visit when she lands in college. But what we are getting is so much more powerful than I could have imagined. She’s stronger, independent, and more worldly than I was at her age. She’s more equipped to seize opportunities and she’s made friends from all over the globe. Her entire view of life has transformed for the better. She stresses about classes and grades, but her Facebook page is filled with photos from friends showing her constantly smiling during activities and free time.</p>
<p>And isn’t that what we want for our children? That they’ll be safe, happy and well equipped when they finally go out into the world? </p>
<p>Yep - I’ll be crying with everyone else next summer when we take that next step. Until then, I’m back in the post traumatic stress syndrome as we wait for the March college letters to come in. Sigh.</p>
<p>If you haven’t already - go on dates with your significant other and take up or renew a hobby. It helps a lot to mirror them in our own lives.</p>
<p>The best advice I’d give is to be true to yourself. Balerina 22’s story is very similar to mine. Do what you love to do, and do it with people you love. If you haven’t figured out what you love to do yet, don’t panic. Just keep 110% in all you do and you’ll find something. </p>
<p>This advice isn’t just for the application process, but also for high school in general. A lot of kids in high school try to be people they aren’t–they’ll follow around the “cool” kids, they’ll do certain sports or activities so people will think they’re tough or smart, they’ll hang out with people they think will boost their social status. Don’t do that. Do what you love to do with people you love. Find real friends. Find real passions. If you do all this, who cares if you go to a prep school? You’ll be happier than most people are in their whole lieves.</p>