If you were a 9th grader's Parent, where would you start in planning?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Not hypothetical, as I'm sure you inferred.</p>

<p>It's been 33 years since I applied to UCLA, Yale, Harvard, Stanford. Nobody helped me in any way that I can recall. Things were so different then, from what I gather. I was rejected by Harvard, wait listed by Yale, and accepted to UCLA and Stanford. I was 11/150 in my class, 1310 SAT, and got into Stanford, I believe, primarily because my 10-12th grade years were abroad, in Mexico City. It helped I was student body president, Varsity lettered in wrestling freshman year, was on debate and oratory teams, and attended the Harvard Model UN back when it was in its infancy.</p>

<p>Now I find myself wondering just this weekend what I should be doing to help my 9th grade daughter keep as many options available as possible. I plan to speak with her suburban public school's academic counselor sometime in the next couple of months. I also plan to spend some time with my brother on this topic, who's daughter is a scholarship athlete at Northwestern, and whose son started this summer at the Naval Academy.</p>

<p>She is a straight A student, and tested in the 90-96th percentile range in the California standardized testing she took in 7th and 8th grades. In other words she's smart but not brilliant. She does ot appear to have any intellectual passions - yet. She started softball two years ago and is very, very good for her level of experience. She has been dancing (ballet, hip hop, modern, lyrical, jazz) 10-15 hours per week for the past six years. About this she is passionate, however she is at best just below the middle of her peer group in talent.</p>

<p>My newbie question to you is this: What steps in either research or activity would you recommend I take now so that I can assist in helping her plan for college? Websites? Books?</p>

<p>thanks in advance.</p>

2

<p>...96th percentile isn't brilliant?</p>

3

<p>not when the n is all students enrolled in school. Remember we're talking California here. I edited my post to say smart but not brilliant.</p>

4

<p>I would say just encourage her to continue to challenge herself in school by taking difficult classes in topics she enjoys, pursue extra-curricular and athletic interests, and have fun. I wouldn't worry much about college yet at this stage. Just make sure she keeps her grades up and takes hard classes, but you don't need to push her too hard.</p>

5

<p>I'd say as an interviewer/recruiter for one of the HYP colleges, the best thing you can do for your child is to continue to stimulate them to LOVE learning -- in whatever facets interest her. This will serve her well throughout HS and will be apparent to readers of her college applications.</p>

6

<p>9th grade is for the student to begin to explore. She can join various school clubs and activities to get a taste of what suits her nature. Through 9th grade she will take courses in the sciences, in English, history etc. By the end of the year she will begin to get a feeling for what she likes, what she's drawn to. Then by sophmore she may feel an attraction to particular fields in which she may concentrate. She may love history, she may want to participate in MUN or debate or Mock Trial as activities. Or she may lean towards the sciences or math and be drawn to science fairs etc.
It's a process of self discovery, finding what one's interests are and choosing ECs and more advanced courses accordingly.</p>

<p>Just let her find out at this early stage what she likes, what track she may eventually take, without being too concerned for the future other than instilling a good work ethic and a love for learning, getting good grades, and exploring options in her activities.</p>

<p>My D, in 8th grade was a good student but didn't have a clue what direction she'd eventually take. By 10th grade she showed an absolute passion for life sciences, unexpectedly in a way since she's been raised in a highly artistic household,. She loved those particuar courses, and was less interested in History etc. So that's the track she took, and now as she embarks on the next stage of education, has a resume that's super strong in science and research, which she feels will be her future.</p>

<p>A mistake I think would be to push a child into excelling at it all, or to "package" them for future admissions. The most successful are those whose passions develop naturally and the parent's job is give them every opportunity to nurture those passions.</p>

7

<p>Make sure she works hard, challenges herself, gets involved, explores/develops interests - both academic and not academic, doesn't stress too much, and has a healthy social life. Everything else will fall into place as long as you treat college as the next logical step in her life and not the goal of everything she does in high school.</p>

8

<p>SHE IS IN 9TH GRADE!!</p>

<p>Her life should not revolve around colleges that in the grand scheme of things will have zero impact on her future life. She scores well on tests, knows the text, and clearly has reasonable interests.</p>

<p>I'll tell ya one thing: It's those families who devote years in painting their angel for [insert prestigious school here] that end up being screwed. Don't condition your daughter into that kind of mentality. I've seen really really really smart kids crash and burn because they got into Pepperdine instead of Stanford, and UCSB instead of UCLA.</p>

<p>Let her develop. Academics are an acquired taste, but ability must be refined and practiced. My entire family has gone through the Ivy League laundry, and all of them are doctors and lawyers and dentists and businessman and astronauts and politicians. But in the end, they're just like everybody else. </p>

<p>Stanford, Harvard, UCLA, and all the other schools you mentioned will not provide more opportunities or give her more of a chance to succeed at life than UCSD, USC, Chapman, or even the CS system. Undergraduate education is virtually the same no matter how you color it.</p>

<p>Okay, I'm done ranting. Just don't stress over it. I see parents at my school STALKING the teachers and hushing their children too and fro from soccer practice, ballet, clubs, etc. </p>

<p>CHILL!! Feel lucky you have the time, finances, and energy to worry about your daughters future (and clearly you have more options than most). My mom is too pre-occupied in divorce papers and grocery money. </p>

<p>Education is not a means to an end.</p>

9

<p>You can educate yourself as much as you want...privately. The one recommendation I have is to read a couple of books:
On Becoming an Educated Person
Virginia Voeks
and
Looking Beyond the Ivy League: Finding the College That's Right for You
Loren Pope</p>

<p>The first is somewhat dated but very good in terms of how an education fits into one's life. I read it years ago and still find it great.</p>

<p>(9th 10th grades)
What I'm thinking your initial role should be is to be somewhat "philosophical" in nature and allow some conversations to just come along with your kid. The idea is to "investigate" and stimulate" the whole basic ideas of education. Start slow on this as you learn as well. Talk about other kids and what they're thinking about. Learn about how going off to college isn't the only alternative and if so, how academics plays only part of the total experience. Consider, through casual conversation, what those other experiences might just be???</p>

<p>(9th, 10th, 11th, 12th grades)
While you're doing all that....very slowly for a year or so....consider volunteering at a High School career center where you can be right there in the "thick" of things....talking and working with students as they make their choices.</p>

<p>(10th, 11th, 12th grades)
Then, start collecting information and knowledge on college testing, college finances and all the logistics of college applications and choice.........still communicating this through the "channels" you've now built up.</p>

<p>The final stage should be to inspire, delegate and trust your kid to explore and do the same you've done.</p>

10

<p>Oh my god, I'm so sorry for your kid.</p>

<p>She's in 9th Grade! </p>

<p>Just make sure she keeps her grades up and support her, this is ultimately NOT your decision, remember that. Too much pressure is exactly what she doesn't need.</p>

11

<p>Well, I agree that she IS in 9th grade, but IMHO, it's never to early to plan (Go Planners! =])
But my advice would be:</p>

<p>ALL FOUR YEARS:
--Make sure she takes tough classes. No slacker stuff. If she insists, then just one or two per year. And if that happens, no study halls. I really think a rigorous curriculum is the biggest deal. Colleges look at that. Maybe I'm overly cautious, but whatever.
--Grades should always be improving. If they slip 11/12 grade, colleges will wonder if they're going to continue downhill after high school.
--Stay involved in two or three key activities (this could be dance and softball, and maybe one academic club?) and become a leader (captain of the team, first place in a dance event, president of something or other...)
--I would highly suggest summer programs. I never did anything but work and lay out at the pool during my vacations and I really, really regret it. Find a cool internship! Go to a dance or softball camp! Attend a National Convention of some sort. The opportunities are endless. It's fun. And hey, it looks great on college apps.</p>

<p>10TH GRADE
I'd start asking her what she's thinking for college. Big? Small? Private? Will she play softball or dance? Far or close to home? Majors or programs? You know, just to get an idea so you can let your mommy instincts do some research. BUT BY NO MEANS NAG. PLEASE. I'm a senior and I cannot tell you how much I don't want to do things when my parents nag. Just support her and get the gears going in her brain.</p>

<p>11TH GRADE
--Start on scholarships (actually, you can do this earlier, if possible) unless you're insanely rich and don't need the money. If that's the case, give me some because I'll need it! :)
--Make a list of about 10 or 15 colleges during her first semester. When summer hits (and she has that awesome internship!) narrow it down to a solid 10. Who knows, she may apply to all of them, she may apply to none of them. Chances are, she'll find a few more she likes over the summer, add them to the list, delete others...but the point is to EXPLORE (another thing I waited to do until about October of my senior year <em>facepalm</em>).
--Oh, and take the SATs/SAT IIs/ACTs sometime in there. For practice.</p>

<p>SUMMER AFTER JUNIOR YEAR
--MORE SCHOLARSHIPS!
--ACT PREP! Buy her the books, subscribe to the Online Prep, get a tutor, whatever you need to do. You know what she needs to improve on from the practice round junior year. GET GOING! Especially if you plan on applying early. You'll need to take the October ACTs (I'm not sure on SATs) for that plan.
--Also, make sure she has a good curriculum senior year. I'd suggest at least a semester of math (but duh, a year would be better), a science semester, a year of English, and if applicable, foreign language. Any college prep classes, go for it all.
--Narrow down the college list to somewhere around 5-7. I have/am applying to 10 schools though. It's all in preference.</p>

<p>12TH GRADE
--KEEP FILLING OUT SCHOLARSHIPS (yes, she'll say, "But mom/dad, they SUCK"...in which case you'll smile sweetly and say, "Money's money, honey."
--Nail the SATs/SAT IIs/ACTs. If she doesn't score well in October, and you're applying RD, take them again in December, and really truly study in November. She'll thank you later for being on her ass now. =]
--KEEP THE GRADES UP. Senioritis WILL set in. I have it, it sucks, but you have to keep going. Again, DON'T DON'T DON'T NAG. Just support her, and if she needs a little push, maybe say "Hey, don't forget that (really exciting and awesome college she wants more than anything) is watching!" or something funny.
--Apply to at least one or two schools before November 1st (obviously before then if ED). It's just nice to get it off your chest, especially if rolling admissions are the case. I'm in at 3 schools already.
--When she needs you to check something online, run to the post office for extra stamps, call SAT because her scores didn't send--do it if at all possible. This is her future. Nothing hurts more than when you ask your parents to help and they act like it's no big deal.
--And lastly...when she gets into the college of her dreams, give her a huge hug and know that she succeeded not only because she's smart and talented but because she's got a great supportive parent like you!</p>

12

<p>Just encourage her to work hard in school and to get involved in extracurricular and community activities that really appeal to her. There's not much more to be done in 9th grade...I really think there's no point in scoping out specific colleges. My freshman year of high school I was SURE I wanted to study chemistry and become a physician or researcher. I was thinking I would apply to MIT, Princeton, Johns Hopkins, etc. By junior/senior year, my interests and goals had done a 180...I am now a history major at Yale hoping to pursue a career in nonprofit law, or maybe academia. Just encourage her to pursue what she enjoys (and of course to do well in school) and her college choices will begin to become clear a bit later on in high school (start looking specifically the summer between sophomore and junior years, I think...)</p>

13

<p>"Stanford, Harvard, UCLA, and all the other schools you mentioned will not provide more opportunities or give her more of a chance to succeed at life than UCSD, USC, Chapman, or even the CS system. Undergraduate education is virtually the same no matter how you color it."</p>

<p>First, off, that's not true. Not to sound that college is the end all, but Stanford, Harvard, and UCLA will provide educations that are often more challenging and demanding. And the college alone will provide you job opportunities that are much harder to attain from a state school. (Look at Goldman Sachs--they go straight to Harvard, UPenn Wharton, and Yale to start their recruiting). With all that said, working hard at any undergraduate college will allow you to go as far as you would like (albeit being summa cum laude at Harvard would be better than at UCSB)</p>

<p>Something I wished that I did was read the book: "A for Admission" by the former admissions director of Dartmouth, as a freshman. Very, very HELPFUL. Buy some books and get informed. THEN, decide which is best for your daughter.</p>

14

<p>Stay involved here on College Confidential.</p>

15

<p>9th grade:
We found it useful to develop a four-year plan of classes. It's not cast in stone, but it was a road map. If one kid wants to take AP XX in 11th grade, then we could figure out that X and Y must happen freshman and sophomore year. Also served as a means to stay focused on one's goals.</p>

<p>ECs: Both my kids found 9th and 10th grade a great time to try on new activities and roles. Didn't worry about leadership positions. When they found their interests, the leadership followed -- and leadership doesn't necessarily mean "president of X."</p>

<p>Not much discussion of colleges before the end of sophomore year. Never focused on getting into one college -- it was always creating a nice range of schools that met said kid's criteria.</p>

<p>Stick around CC. You'll find lots of people with experience and wisdom.</p>

16

<p>She's most likely 14, I'm guessing, right? Fourteen year olds are still very much children-- their minds are absorbing, they are learning, discovering and enjoying life for the sheer thrill of it. Do not suck the joy out of the high school experience by trying to package her for admissions offices. Often times, the 9th grade year is really not <em>as</em> important as the tenth and 11th grades. Truly, she should be taking this time to test the waters with clubs, she what she LIKES to do. No, she should not be cramming to increase her percentile for standardized tests (because scoring better than 96 percent of the students is poor??), or forcing a passion to appear like a perfect college applicant. As a ninth grader, I did some of everything, a lot of nothing, and I made it into a top college.</p>

<p>While the intent it good, planning for college should not be the sole purpose of high school. Those years, in and of themselves, are vital, formative time to mature socially and intellectually. They are not a segway into college. My best advice to you is this-- encourage her in whatever she likes to do. Let her live, learn, and enjoy high school before she becomes bogged down with test scores, GPAs and application fees</p>

<p>As her junior year approaches, begin look at some colleges that she seems to like: those that have a program she likes, a population she is comfortable with, and a location she enjoys. You can go from there. As the year/months go on, you will find some naturally stand out, and others are automatically removed from your list. Towards the end of her junior year, ask her to start formulating a resume, and brainstorming for an essay to write. Just encourage her gently, but most of all, ensure that the college process is really about <em>her</em> and her work, interests and goals, rather than a brand name or artificiality. </p>

<p>But now, take a deep breath-- I can assure you that one day you will look back with fondness on the easygoing freshman days ;-)</p>

<p>-M</p>

17

<p>Make sure she doesn't give up dancing. If she does it all four years, 10 years of dancing experience is going to help out a lot for top schools.</p>

18

<p>Thank you all for your well considered and well felt replies. Sometimes an inititial post by a new member is like a Rorschalk ... revealing more about the respondents than the OP :).</p>

<p>I found value in all the posts. I'll open the kimono just a little to reveal that I'm not sure my Stanford education or UCLA MBA has been directly responsible for any of my business success. Rather the qualities that led me there, and that gained me entrance, are by and large innate. I recognize the difference between being a financial success and being a well educated person. At least half of the now wealthy business owners with whom I work did not attend college. A different generation, I know. Nonetheless, had they, I don't believe most would have been in the top half of their classes, or even survived what to them may have been an oppressive structure, to graduate.</p>

<p>Having a few days during these holidays to focus on the family, I posted to see if there were any hard tracks or sequentially linked activities that she should engage in now so as not to remove desirable options later in high school, and into college. I had suspected not, and your posts confirm this for me.</p>

<p>Now, let's get to that Passion part. Congruent with most of you have posted, my accomplishments in youth, and probably the great majority of anyone's accomplishments, were driven by enthusiasm, passion, and curiosity. And a an abundance of youthful energy I no longer possess!</p>

<p>I will be attentive to discern her passions and encourage her to follow those instincts.</p>

19

<p>My daughter is in 10th grade so we are only 1 year ahead and maybe not qualified to give advice, but here are some assorted tips...</p>

<ol>
<li> Make a 4-yr plan but be ready to adapt..scheduling conflicts are inevitable.</li>
<li> Nurture the extracurricular passions. As long as they are true passions.<br></li>
<li> Since she is a legacy at Stanford you may want to know that Stanford doesn't look at Freshman year grades while most other colleges do.</li>
<li> Volunteer work will be valued.</li>
<li> Tell her to keep the GPA up but prepare her psychologically for tough courses ahead. If she is used to an A+ in every course then tell her to be ready for some A's and A- grades.</li>
<li> Tell her not to ignore subjects that seem easy but provide an important foundation.</li>
<li> Tell her not to ignore subjects that are taught by uninspiring or bad teachers.</li>
<li> And while you the parent are allowed to worry about college (or can't help it), make sure you do not transmit your anxieties to her. She will encounter college anxiety at school soon enough.</li>
<li> Seek out meetings with individual teachers. Teachers sometimes neglect the straight-A students and their needs.</li>
<li>I agree, stick around CC.</li>
</ol>

20

<p>Let her do as she pleases
Let her have fun
Don't make a four year plan of classes she will feel she must take
Set general guidelines, sure
Tell her if she gets all A's she will get a car when she is 17
regardless of whether its a lie or not
because at that point, it will be too late for her to mess up
Have her do clubs she wants to do
not force her
hell, it all worked for me! (the car thing at least, gdamn my dad told me when I was like 12, and then When i did it I was like... o, so this 9 year old expedition is my new car... But at that point i didnt care, didnt deserve it, and loved the expedition!)</p>

<p>then again... I didnt get into stanford early... I guess that makes me a failure (heck I got Rejected!)</p>

<p>But the nights snowboarding, and days at the desert on dirtbikes were more enjoyable than Mathletes and whatnot!</p>