<p>I'm a Junior at a large public state university, and up until now my college experience has been miserable. I started college with poor social skills, and was overall not ready for college. I've only scraped by barely academically, and made very few friends. However I've made some fairly significant changes to myself inside and out in the last year, and I'm a much more confident person all around. The problem is that I don't actually know how to make friends in college. I had some "friends" from my dorm freshman year but that was because we saw each other every day. But now that I live in an apartment, I'm at a lost as to how to actually go out and find friends in college, especially being a junior already. I've been told to join clubs, meet people in class, etc, and I'm sure that's sound advice but I just don't know how to actually take the step from meeting people in those settings and turning them into friendships. I know, pathetic, but I'm at a point of desperation, and I would greatly appreciate people sharing their experiences and advice on this. Thank you.</p>
<p>My story is just the same almost. But only I just transferred to a large public university in spring. Joining a club/fraternity/sorority is a good way, around this time they really start trying to recruit new members. I’m rushing for a community-oriented coed fraternity and not only will that look on your resum</p>
<p>I agree with corysmit, try to join some clubs. It might be difficult if you’re shy (believe me I know that feeling badly).</p>
<p>One last thing … be sure you act like you’re happy to see the people you want to be friends with. That helped me loads.</p>
<p>I started a club and made like four friends almost instantly, and it seems more are coming. They took an instant liking to me for starting a club that interested them, and when they started planning social events for the club it was simply assumed I was included because I was the president! I wish I had thought of this before now. These are the first friends I have made in like ten years. No matter how socially inept you may feel you are, trust me, there is something you could be doing to fix that. “I don’t know how to X” is not an excuse to stop attempting X. Get out there and keep trying!</p>
<p>Be proactive</p>
<p>BE a friend to others</p>
<p>dont make gay excuses</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Join some clubs you’re interested in, even if you’re barely interested in them, see if you like the people.</p></li>
<li><p>Talk to people randomly in class, especially discussions. This will suck a lot of the time, but sometimes you’ll hit it off with someone. Then find them in class and sit with them, make small chat, and go from there.</p></li>
<li><p>Friends of friends. Go to activities, whether that be parties, social events, club events, or so on. You’ll often see people you know and that’s an opportunity to connect. The more people you know the better this will work, so maybe don’t try it in the beginning.</p></li>
<li><p>Once you have met some people you like and you’ve talked several times, suggest getting lunch or something.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Mostly it’s just throwing a lot of stuff at the wall and see what sticks. A lot of times nothing will come of it and you’ll be disappointed. The most important part is not to let it get you down and keep trying.</p>
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<p>Your first problem is you think this is pathetic. Your “problem” is definitely not pathetic. You should be proud that you have acknowledged a problem within your self that you wish to change. Plenty of people go throughout their whole like thinking they are the best thing since sliced bread… you are not one of these people, and the world thanks you for that.</p>
<p>I’ve had my own problems connecting with people, or letting people in, for most of my life. So I feel ya on this one…
I think collegeboss said it clear enough. You have to open up to people and be their friend. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and put yourself in a position where you COULD be rejected. Sounds weird, but you gotta pour your heart out a little to connect with people.
Also don’t make lame excuses. I use to do this all the time: “Well its their fault”, “Not that interesting of a person anyways”, etc. Don’t just be willynilly searching for anyone, be selective, but don’t make an excuses for every situation.</p>
<p>Also. Relax. Be yourself… friends that have the same interests will come to you.</p>
<p>I can relate. I’ve been pretty much alone for the 4 years i was in college. By the time of my graduation all my close friends has either changed majors or moved and being the only Asian in most of my classes didn’t help either. </p>
<p>My advice to you is, try to occupy yourself with a hobby, i mainly focused on Gym/jogged/running you’ll be surprsed how good it makes you feel. I also put the rest of my attention more on my acadamics. That is what college is to GET A GOOD EDUCATION. </p>
<p>And do not worry, you have your family you can lean on when you are lonely, or feeling down. This is a life experiment, a way to help you be INDEPENDENT in your future. </p>
<p>Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>I can relate Asian86. I spent my previous (sophomore) year mostly going to the gym and self-study, along with videogames. I wasn’t really trying to avoid people, it just seems like if you’re not already in their “circle” they want nothing to do with you. I’m going to try harder this year though.</p>
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<p>Omg this is such an awesome success story. Helpful for people to hear. I’m happy for you! :).</p>