I think I’m being ghosted by my Professor and I am freaking out. I had a good relationship with a professor when I was at Trinity Washington University and I contacted her to request a letter of Recommendation from her. I had to go to Hawaii for family issues and I kept in contact with her. She reassured me that she would submit the recommendation letter next week on April 6, but it is April 18 now.
I emailed a few times during this week and she is not answering at all. I feel like everything I worked hard for is crumbling down now because of her. I’m far away in Hawaii, so I can’t personally talk to her. The due date is May 3 and I’m freaking out. What should I do?
Did you provide her with a “cheat sheet” of your EC’s, courses, leadership, passions, commitment to causes, etc. ? You should definitely do this if you haven’t already. Also resending it would be an excuse for another “ping” to get a response.
Also the tone if any emails should be 100% gratitude at her taking the time to do you this favor. As far as that goes, you can “grateful her to death” until she has told you that she sent off the LOR.
Stop freaking out. The due date is May 3. She’ll get it done. Just send her a polite reminder email. She probably just got busy. A polite reminder is in order, nothing more.
Agree with the other posts. Do take a deep breath. She may be juggling other recommendation letters, on spring break, have the flu… who knows.
I hope that when you emailed her “a few times during this week,” you kept a grateful tone and ratcheted down your panic level. That said – yikes. It’s only Thursday, and you’ve emailed her multiple times this week? Stop.
A final gratitude-filled reminder email NEXT week should include everything listed by @damon30 plus the dates in which you took courses with this professor and the grades you earned. You can also write a brief paragraph about what you gained from her class(es) and how you will apply these skills in the future.
That is a minimum of what you should provide any professor tasked with writing a recommendation letter for you. And the deadline is the deadline – don’t insult your professor by demanding some earlier deadline because you’d feel better about things.
Just to be clear, I’m speaking from 20 years of experience as a professor who regularly writes letters of recommendation for current/prior students.
Thanks for the advice. I should clarify that I have been wholeheartedly thankful to her. Every message I have sent was polite and brief. I’m not emailing her like nine times a day. I’m stressed out, not crazy. When I say a few times, I mean two emails. I’m stressed out because I worked extremely hard on this. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into my work and now there is the possibility of all of my hard work being ruined, I’m a sea away, so I can’t physically and directly speak to her face to face. I asked her for the request March 19, giving her many weeks to develop the letter. I have many things is going on in my life, that require my full attention. From school, work, family, and other projects, so I don’t even have the time to email her excessively. So when one of my hard work projects is threatened to be ruined because of someone else I have chosen to trust, it stresses me out. What frustrates me honestly is that she told me that she would submit it the week AFTER April 6. I took her by her word and I waited patiently for weeks after that. But now that it is April 18-19, I am stressed over the possibilities of everything crumbling down.
I have nothing but respect for this professor, hence why I chose to ask her as a recommender. She knows me well enough and all of my successes.
As of now, I am waiting for her to respond or better yet submit the letter. ALL of my messages were full of nothing but gratitude, but everyone has patient limits and I’m leaning over mine.
I hear you, D had one teacher who didn’t submit his letter till the very end. Even when it was a resubmission to another college via email was last minute, stressed me out. Just have to trust that they are adults, know the deadline and will get it done if they said so.
The week after April 6 is the time period from April 13-20. If the professor has not emailed you saying they won’t be able to do it, then trust them to be professional and get it done on time. I am a professor who writes letters of rec frequently. I calendar them and get them done. A single polite reminder from a student is appreciated, more than that, and I get irritated that a student thinks I’m not going to be professional.
How about you read my full post? You talk about me not being grateful, but at the same time complaining about me not giving likes or agrees. I’m looking at these comments for advising and taking them to heart. If I didn’t want help, I wouldn’t be on this site. I’ve been endlessly grateful and now my patience is wearing thin. Everyone has their limits. I take people by their word and it frustrates me when they break it.
When I’m sick, I work.
When I’m on break, I work.
I’m a detailed oriented and a goal oriented person, I don’t take or make mistakes and errors.
But if someone asks me to do something for them and I AGREE to do so, I will find the time to do it. That’s my belief and values. If I can’t do something, I will not agree to it. I will tell that person I can’t and why I can’t. Unless you learn how it feels to work extremely hard on something only for it to ruined by someone else, think before you post.
I would have a back up plan and ask another prof for an LOR.
I’m just waiting for her to message me back. I have no reassurances from her at all. I need to know that I can trust her, I am very used to doing everything myself. I’m self-sufficient because I had moments in my life where people backed out of promises for me, ruining everything. Now I have someone I have to trust to keep my hard work in balance. If she backs out without warning, it ruins the entire thing. That is what stressing me out.
I didn’t give you any guarantees. You are an anonymous person on the Internet. I hang out on this site to offer advice, and that is what I think I am doing. You made a mistake, which was to insinuate that a person who was doing you a very big favor didn’t have the best intentions. Notice that I am not qualifying myself, as I feel confident that this is the situation. That your professor is annoyed is almost certain. If what you report here is accurate, then she is likely only mildly annoyed. If there is more that you are not saying, then perhaps you should take the advice in posts #1 and #9 and try of find someone else to write your LOR. Otherwise try whatever you know how to do to calm yourself, because the situation is now out of your control. FWIW, I still think the advice in post #2 is your best gambit. Nothing in life is guaranteed and sometimes you have to trust other people to do the right thing.
Hey sometimes things do happen and for whatever reason a teacher or prof does not do it. So the prof in question should be equally polite with an acknowledgement. Hence, I would have a backup for a recommendation.