I'm giving up on college...

Parents Forum
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<p>It’s funny you mention the military as an option.</p>

<p>I actually did seriously consider that - and if you knew me, you’d know how desperate I would’ve had to have been to even think it! </p>

<p>Joining the military is an amazing option for many (I have seen it change quite a few people for the better, including a favorite boss of mine and many HS classmates), but for a fiscally conservative pacifist vegetarian out-and-proud homosexual…I think the whole square peg/round hole would be an understatement. </p>

<p>But I feel like your son and I have definitely felt the same things. That whole thing about not-being-sure-if-I’ll-get-what-I-need-out-of-my-classes-because-I’m-not-sure-what-I-need-to-get…yeah. I know all about that. And the GPA hurting my internship chances? Tell me about it. I’ve seen the recruiters’ faces fall at about 4 career fairs…</p>

<p>I talked to my teacher and she’s more than willing to let me turn in the papers - for a reduced grade, of course - but I just wish it didn’t have to keep going on like this. I wish there was something I could do to stop the cycle in its tracks. I guess the counseling center is the next stop, though I went last year and am ADD free according to their testing…</p>

<p>Every semester I go into this thinking, don’t worry about the past, focus on now, do what you have to do. And it just doesn’t work. I feel paralyzed :(.</p>

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<p>Go to the Disabled Student Office and ask for a referral to someone who can do a psycho-educational assessment to see if you have any learning disabilities. Sometimes, the school or school insurance will pay for all or most of this assessment. Extremely bright kids with LD’s are often diagnosed in college for the first time. Also, make an appointment with a counselor at the health center. Do not wait until any later in the semester… appointments are harder to get the closer you get to midterms and/or finals. The counselor can help you pinpoint your goals and why you are having trouble meeting them. The counselor will be an objective person who will guide you to a better understanding of yourself. If procrastination turns out to be your problem, then she may give you some practical skills you can use to overcome the dread you feel when sitting down to write papers. Also, the stress you feel may be having a cumulative effect on you that could lead to depression. You do not want to go there if you can avoid it. Lastly, you might want to take a leave of absence, wither now or at the end of the current semester. W’s are not the equivalent of an F, although if you leave now, try to get incompletes instead of W’s. The Dean of students has experience with hundreds of students who have problems like the ones you are experiencing. If you go in and have a talk with the Dean, you may discover other paths to success that have not yet occurred to you. You are not alone. This is very common. Help is available. The college cares about helping you graduate.</p>

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<p>I didn’t want to suggest the military per se, but I had it in mind when I posted earlier, as I personally took the route I suggested and joined the Air Force. Numerous positives and negatives to that decision, but all-in-all, a very good decision for me.</p>

<p>In your case, though, until “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” goes away, I’d strongly recommend you NOT to join. I saw people drummed out for their sexual preference, and while I don’t know the specifics of each case, in general, these people were discreet enough that I usually had no clue that they were gay. It would be very stressful for you to have to live a lie for your term of enlistment - not any way to live.</p>

<p>While this is an awful economy to find other alternatives, they are out there - it just won’t be as easy to find them (or possibly be as lucrative). I hope you can figure out what’s going on and stay in school, but if not, taking a step back and following a less linear path won’t be the end of the world.</p>

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<p>umcp11–I’m glad you’re being proactive about seeking some help. Keep your chin up.</p>

<p>May I ask–do you like your school? Or, do you feel like a square peg there?</p>

<p>You briefly mentioned a former boss so, when you were working at a job did you ever feel unable to focus there? Or, is this strictly school-related–specifically this school?</p>

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<p>umcp11, it’s not unusual for kids (and most people) to struggle with writing. Remember those horrid college application essays? It’s a dreadful feeling to look at a blank sheet of paper and know it needs to be filled with SENsational, in-depth writing when you don’t even know how to begin. There are many, many tricks to get you out-of-that groove. But recognizing the issue is the biggest hurdle.</p>

<p>Have you reread your posts? That may underscore the core issue for you (ADD? depression? school? subject? sexual orientation? All these could be a factor (or not), but only you can find the right thread. Good luck!</p>

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<p>You sound just like me many years ago! I was totally an English+history person. Could get A’s with no problem sometimes, could not even manage to get to class other times… and it wasn’t the class itself. It was not that I was depressed but that the way college was going was depressing.</p>

<p>I ended up leaving after a couple of years with a middlin’ GPA, lots of W’s. I went back a couple years later and did very well. Not perfect, but good enough to get the magna cum laude designation. I realize now that college was just not for me at that time in my life. Instead I traveled, worked, moved from here to there, and just lived life. When I went back I can’t say I was 100% into it, but my focus was a lot clearer and I approached it as a task to get done and do well.</p>

<p>So, I’m not one who goes first to getting diagnosed with one thing or another. It may be you’re just not doing what you want to do right now. You can always go back to college when it feels more like something you want to do. Life is long.</p>

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<p>If your only two modes of writing papers are whipping one up in the hour before it’s due or not writing one at all, that says to me that you’re not practicing good organizational or research skills and maybe it’s because you never really learned how or aren’t in the habit of doing that. </p>

<p>Perhaps, like a lot of kids who are naturally more talented writers than their peers, you’ve been getting by on your talent alone. You were probably good enough in high school, and your teachers knew it, that you didn’t really need to work on your essays much. You could do one the night before and get by on your strong vocabulary and ability to whip together a decent argument, and since all your friends had the same assignment and you had your parents checking up on you there weren’t as many distractions. </p>

<p>But now you’re in college where frankly, talent with discipline isn’t going to cut it.There’s a lot of distractions, and it’s easy to procrastinate. You’ve got to start imposing discipline on yourself when it comes to writing papers and that isn’t something you can do on your own, you need support for it. </p>

<p>Does your college have a writing center? If so, I would go there and start getting some basic lessons in how to outline a paper, or mind map it, how to take detailed notes as you read and how to organize your notes into an outline. This may seem tedious or like something you know but just don’t use, but it could be a game changer for you. By outlining, you break your paper down into small, manageable chunks. So instead of being paralyzed by having to tackle a huge paper (using what is probably an open ended prompt), you can see the logical steps you have to take, where you have to fill in the blanks, and you know that you are arguing X, using Y and Z. Practice this at the writing center with a tutor, or if you don’t have a writing center, meet with your prof AS SOON AS THE PROMPT IS AVAILABLE and have the prof go over your outline with you and help you find a specific angle to argue from an open ended question. </p>

<p>You have to discipline and systemize your writing. Once you learn to do that, then you can start getting more creative. But practice being disciplined first, even if it means being stilted. </p>

<p>And always remember: Done is better than good. Late is better than never.</p>

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<p>You sound (mildly) depressed. Please, please, make an appointment to get the opinion of a medical specialist. If he/she concludes that you are mildly depressed, he/she will prescribe medication that is usually effective after a couple of weeks. Do not worry too much about the long term consequences. Taking this type of medicine during a year or so generally does the trick. Depression covers a very wide area and unfortunately too many people still think that you have to experience the worst before getting such a diagnose. Counseling should happen as well, but it may take a while before counseling leads to results while medication is usually effective in 1 tot 3 months. </p>

<p>Been There, Done That, Got a T-shirt!</p>

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<p>There are a lot of practical solutions to procrastination, avoidance, all the things you are doing but you need help in figuring out WHY you are doing these things. You don’t want to spend your life doing something you don’t enjoy just because it was all you could make yourself do in college, do you?</p>

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<p>agree with advice to go see a mental health professional! Please, there is no shame in this.</p>

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<p>You sound like me - not only when I was in college, but throughout life in general. (It’s also my daughter, my brother and my nephew)</p>

<p>I agree that you should go to the students disability office and ask for an assessment. Your lack of persistence and inconsistent grades STRONGLY suggest ADD to me - probably inattentive type. You do not have to be hyperactive to have ADHD and often what happens is that the lack of success leads to slight depression that wears on your self esteem. As someone who knows very well what it feels like, it is not just a matter of “trying harder.” Then what happens is people look at the depression instead of the underlying causes behind it.</p>

<p>In fact, my issues came to a head at exactly the same time yours seem to have. I strongly encourage you to not give up. My own oldest D had similar issues and was even diagnosed as ADD back as a sophomore in HS, but just didn’t want to take medication or be proactive in what she had to do. However, now at 24 she has gone back to school and is racking in the A’s because she is committed to taking her medication and staying on top of all of her assignments. Some people think that it’s just a matter of procrastination or organization when really it’s a matter of just starting and people with ADD have a real issue with this, especially when the subjects are less than engaging for them. But then, as you say, you can sit down and knock out a huge project before it’s due. People WITHOUT ADD would have a really really hard time maintaining that type of HYPERfocus.</p>

<p>Do you end up feeing overwhelmed and then just shut down to avoid everything? This might suggest a certain degree of anxiety (which certainly makes it difficult to concentrate etc). </p>

<p>There are some really great things about ADD, especially later in life when you’re doing what you really like, but the way school works it’s hard to see that forest through the trees. When you add in the fact that you’ve been struggling to do it for two years now, it’s easy to see how that would beat a person down. So… just walk into the office. Your insurance should cover the testing. You could also talk to your regular doctor, even if that’s still your pediatrician.</p>

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<p>Modadunn: That’s lovely, supportive advice. My S has ADD and it is NEVER NOT a factor in his life, but he CAN compensate – it just takes a lot of work. You’ve said it perfectly. I am so pleased for you that things appear more manageable now and your daughter is succeeding so well. That’s great news.</p>

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<p>Thanks Mythmom… My diagnosis actually came after my daughters. I was given a book by Ned Hallowell entitled: Driven to Distraction and I had one of those Oprah moments when I felt like he was talking about me a lot of the time. I’ve now heard him speak several times and one of the many things that stuck with me about the POSITIVE things is that he has four children, 3 of whom have ADHD and one that wishes he did!</p>

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<p>That’s so cute. H has ADD, S definitely does, I think D has a bit (she disagrees), and I don’t.</p>

<p>Everyone is quite functional. </p>

<p>DS is the most fun, IMO.</p>

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<p>Went to the counseling center at my school but it is backed up until February…:frowning: </p>

<p>At the one “intake” session counselor gave no recommendations of resources on campus/if I should get tested for ADD/depression/etc. Just said well, can’t get you in for a few months unless you are an immediate danger to yourself or others…but I’ll stick ya on the waitlist. </p>

<p>Not really sure where to go or what to do. :frowning: Still can’t bring myself to do my hw…feel very sad a lot because it’s just getting to me that it’s been like this for so long. And on top of everything, it feels like now I have wasted 2.5 years and college is almost over and it won’t even matter now if I pick up my grades…:(</p>

<p>It just sucks so much because I was always one of those “if you’re still alive, there’s nothing to regret” types (hey who knows, maybe if you went to that awesome party you would have been hit by a car on the way back or something, etc. so no regrets, is how I always thought). But now my life feels filled with regret…regret that I have wasted my college years, there is no going back, no starting over, and it seems like nowhere to go from here :(</p>

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<p>Keep calling and dropping by the counseling center. They are very likely to have openings before the date that you’re scheduled. Persistence can get you in sooner. If someone cancels an appointment, it’s easier to call the person who one knows is eager to come in than to start calling people in order on the waitlist, many of whom will no longer be interested in an appointment.</p>

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<p>They are quite strict about that actually…the waitlist is the waitlist. It wouldn’t be fair to take someone over someone else just because they are more vocal. I mean personally I am very shy and quiet. And the shy/quiet people are not the ones with less problems necessarily. Plus it just wouldn’t be fair. What if someone above me needed it more?</p>

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<p>Can you go to your doctor at home?</p>

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<p>If you are still covered under your parents health insurance (if they have it), kids are usually covered until age 23. Many plans will cover mental health issues. You definitely need to follow this up, talk to your parents or someone you can count on.</p>

<p>Why do you think you are less important than someone else? You are not! You sound as if you are in despair, so be an advocate for yourself and get the help you need. Just starting this thread and asking for advice is a great first step. </p>

<p>I had a roomate for awhile who was always depressed. No matter what she did, what she achieved, she was always bummed out. After she started taking depression meds, she said that she finally realized that most people go through their lives being at least mildly happy. And she had never experienced that, until she got the treatment she needed. I’m not saying you need meds, I have no idea. But you deserve to get some help.</p>

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<p>Do you have to have the test results of a counseling center before being allowed to consult a doctor? If so, ignore it! You may have to pay for medical help yourself, but at least you will be getting help. It would be ‘penny wise pound foolish’ to wait. Your happiness is what really matters (education does not come cheap either). As I’ve mentioned before: you need to make an appointment with a medical doctor first. He or she needs to check a few things first before you enter the world of counseling.</p>