I want to give up.

Parents Forum
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<p>I apologize ahead of time for this rather depressing thread. I understand that no one has the "perfect" life, yet most people make the best of theirs. I also understand that it's unlikely that I'll find the answer to all of my problems here. Having said that, I still need to communicate my feelings somehow.</p>

<p>Hello everyone. I am currently a college junior. My college experience has consisted of long train rides, long nights alone, and the experience of my parent's nasty separation.</p>

<p>When I lived on-campus during my freshman year, I had the feeling of excitement - I was involved in activities, an honors program, and I had a job. My boyfriend and I went to the same university together, and we even lived in the same dorm building. Life seemed so great, so full of possibilities. All of a sudden, my social life came to a sudden halt. </p>

<p>To make a long story short, my "friends" from high school stopped talking to me after a rumor spread about how I had mental problems. At the time, I had (and still have) a very difficult time handling my relationship with both my parents, and I sometimes did not want to go out with my friends. They didn't care. Just because I ignored my phone one night, I became the freak.
I lost all of my confidence. I gave up on getting to know the people in my dorm building because I was convinced that they would think I am weird. Obviously, I began to develop self-esteem issues. Heck, I even developed a stutter (which I still have).</p>

<p>I could no longer afford to live on campus, so I moved back home. Ever since my sophomore year, I have commuted by train. My university is 50 miles away, and I travel 4 days a week. </p>

<p>My luck with my family hasn't been too great either. My father was never around for me, my sister, or my mother. He finally decided to leave us to start "a new life". Oddly enough, he still comes back home to emotionally abuse both my mother and I. Although my mother and I try to live life as best as we can, we find ourselves stuck in a dangerous rut. I am constantly having to calm my mother as she experiences panic attacks. I cannot sleep or eat, and in result, I am extremely irritable and emotional.</p>

<p>I am still dating the same guy since the beginning of college. He is the reason why I am still alive. He is the only person in my life who makes me feel like I have some worth, and a reason for living. I hate the fact that he knows that I have no friends. We were having a conversation about how we each felt about college so far. He said he's had so much fun with the people in his major, and that he's happy. When I said that I hated college so far and felt that high school was better, he replied, "It might be because you don't have friends".</p>

<p>I go to class and I feel like I am invisible. When I talk to the people near me, I honestly feel like they automatically think I'm crazy, or weird, or boring.<br>
Every adult had told me that college would be the greatest experience of my life... so far, it has been an absolute nightmare. Never have I felt so depressed, so alone, so worthless.</p>

<p>People have suggested that I should join a sorority, or a club of some sort. When I had recently worked at a summer camp with people my age, I made no friends. I think I am cursed... I swear, I am always smiling and I love to joke around with others. I also ask a lot of questions because I love learning about the other person. It's just something about me that makes me unable to have friends...</p>

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<p>Is there anyone out there? Please help me.</p>

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<p>Every college has counseling services for students. Go there tomorrow.</p>

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<p>Read some books that talk about how to deal with your sufferings.Or just watch comedies and funny dramas every day,sometimes,the solutions you think useless may just work out for you.Just a little advice,hope it helps.</p>

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<p>Seeing a therapist is a great thing, especially with what you’re going though. Don’t feel alone or feel like you can’t talk to anyone. If you’re angry with your friends for what they did, then leave them be. But if you really want them back, you can explain how you’re feeling and they will hopefully be understanding. It sounds stupid, but sort of forcing yourself to have fun can make you have fun. My mantra when I’m down is “This too, shall pass”. Don’t know if I’m helping, but hey this post might be pathetic and maybe you’ll laugh. :)</p>

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<p>You are crying out for help and things will get better. What would help you immediately is to go to the counseling center at your college as soon as possible (tomorrow if you can) and someone will listen to you and help you. People care. We care. They’ll care. Your boyfriend cares. Your mom loves you. Reach out now for help with a counselor. Promise!</p>

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<p>I don’t really know too much about the family problems but as far as friends go, don’t worry about it too much. If your friends treat you wrongly it’s because they aren’t really your friends. If your boyfriend tells you that you have no friends knowing that you are having all of these problems confront him about it and let him know that you are sensitive towards the subject. From my own experience, things always get better, no matter how bad they are. When you are done with all the pain you feel like it wasn’t that bad before and you realize how big of a deal you made it seem to the point where it started to dominate your life. Just relax, be yourself however makes you happy and people will become your friend. It might take a while but it will happen.</p>

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<p>don’t worry about joining a club or sorority…lose the boyfriend if he’s not giving you the support you need and…get to the counseling service TODAY. you owe it to yourself to feel better.</p>

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<p>Cp2010:</p>

<p>Don’t think of yourself as being worthless, it’s just that you are now going through some really difficult times and it’s hard on you. It would be hard for anyone. You need to talk to a counselor at your college. They are professionals and are there to HELP you through this. It’s confidential and they can advise you what’s best for you. Regarding your friends, true friends are there for you in good times and especially in BAD times. What’s the point in having “so-called friends”, if the friendship is only superficial? You seem like a wonderfully caring person with a lot to offer. Go to your college counselor with your head held high because there’s nothing at all wrong with you. You just need a little guidance to help you cope. Tomorrow things will look a lot brighter, we’re all human.</p>

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<p>Both you and your mom need counseling. Your dad should not be allowed back into the house to further abuse you two. How awful! Why does your mom let him back in? Does she think they’re going to reconcile each time he comes?</p>

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<p>I never lived in a college dorm, myself, and know the feeling of being invisible in classes. Is there any way you can apply for financial aid and be able to live on campus again?</p>

<p>My daughter is a dancer and did a similar commute to dance classes in the city last year. She felt incredibly isolated, just from spending that much time alone on the train.</p>

<p>Your feelings are valid, but could be addressed by making some changes so that you are on campus, or close to campus.</p>

<p>It is not unusual for high school friends to lose touch. Maybe concentrate on new friends, not old ones. And your boyfriend is still with you.</p>

<p>These are all issues in reality, and solutions in reality. But the biggest problem you have is how you feel about yourself, and these feelings of low worth are making it hard to make new friends. Please, please, do what everyone here has said, and go to the counseling center.</p>

<p>I strongly recommend that you consider a period, however short, on antidepressants, to kind of jump start your life. These medications will make you feel better enough to start meeting people again, and remember how to function socially. Once things are rolling again, you can consider going off. A one year period of meds is often suggested.</p>

<p>So focus on addressing those feelings of low self-esteem, which are not valid, and addressing the other problems, such as commuting and lack of connection on campus, which are very valid.</p>

<p>Be patient, and get some sleep (I noticed your post was around 3 am!). It may take awhile, but I promise, things will work out.</p>

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<p>THINGS WILL GET BETTER. There is no shame in reaching out and getting help. PLEASE go see a counselor (most campuses have walk-in ones) who will help you see things in better perspective. Getting help does not mean you are “weird” or “have mental problems” and I’m sorry that some immature and probably very insecure people made you feel bad by suggesting that. Everyone goes through tough times in their lives. One of the bravest things you can do is to reach out, not just to your boyfriend or your mom (who sounds like she colud benefit from some support as well), but to someone who can help you take charge of your life, leave behind the bad feelings, and feel happy again. It will happen. I promise you things do get better.</p>

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<p>I hated college too and I went to a big school. I never found my “tribe” for some reason, it was oos & pretty far away at the time. Trust me living in the dorm is worse if you have no female friends, so don’t feel like you are missing out there. I made a really good friend and she dropped out over fall break. I had a couple of guy friends and I even married one for awhile - ha ha (I don’t recommend that). The positive was that I had really good grades.</p>

<p>It’s hard being an introvert, particularly when most people think you are an extrovert. Join a club or get a job. I have never failed to meet people however random or ill suited at various jobs. Volunteer. Get out of the house. I third the recommendation about counseling and/or medication. It could change your outlook. If you want to keep your relationship with your bf healthy, you need to get some other people in your life.</p>

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<p>In high school and college, a lot of kids are still immature and self-focused. By virtue of what is happening with your family, you have needed to address adult-sized concerns. Doing so has probably contributed to your feeling different and alienated. Frankly, it’s going to be hard for you to relate to girls whose worst problem is a broken fingernail and whose biggest worry is what to wear to the frat party that evening. They in turn, will have trouble relating to you for the same reason.</p>

<p>But you are a wonderful person and there is nothing wrong with you that can’t be fixed with time, healing, and counseling.</p>

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<p>I am so sorry for how tough things are right now – and they are tough – your mom is leaning on you, emotionally, your dad is verbally abusive, and you’re on your own. I will echo others and say: Please see a therapist. Friends can’t help you with this. Family can’t either. You need an objective professional who won’t try to “cheer you up” or “fix your problems.” You need someone who will listen to how you feel right now. And someone who will help you find ways to cope with the real-life stress you are experiencing. And maybe do some role-playing to get ideas about how you can support your mom but protect yourself, emotionally. I’m glad you have a boyfriend. Don’t believe it when people tell you “college is the best time of your life.” It isn’t necessarily, automatically so – not at all. Please don’t give up. Please.</p>

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<p>I agree with all the previous posters, they’re giving wonderful advice and support. I come from a family where my parents had (have) a truly toxic relationship. They’re still married but live in separate rooms in the assisted living facility because they adversely effect each other’s health, and they’re in their 90’s!!!. My brother and I grew up in that atmosphere and we’ve both spent a long time getting over it. I had a terrible time in college and I dealt with it by using alcohol, I don’t recommend that. Lots of therapy worked wonders.</p>

<p>We know so much more about depression now than we used to, a good therapist can really help. A therapist can give you a great sounding board and good direction. It may mean taking antidepressants temporarily to alter your brain chemistry. Exercise can also make a huge difference because it also alters the brain chemistry. I have returned to low emotional places over the years but I now have tools to deal with it. Go to your college counseling office today.</p>

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<p>Step 1: look for counseling through your school - they will connect you to therapists very familiar with the problems of college-age patients going through all kinds of turmoil. </p>

<p>Step 2: I agree with the poster who suggested you should look for ways to live on/near the campus. You need some distance from your parents’ problems and you need to regain the optimism of your freshman year.</p>

<p>Step 3: The high school friends who won’t talk to you now are probably too immature to be able to someone going through such a tough time that she’s developed a stutter (therapy will help with that too.) Don’t torment yourself over their behavior: refocus your energies on getting help through school and forging a life away from the troubles at home. </p>

<p>Best, best of luck. Be good to yourself. Be patient with yoursef. And don’t give up.</p>

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<p>The long commute, emotional abuse, position of caretaker, going to college…these are a heavy burden to bear. Life does not have to be perfect, and rarely is, however the position you are currently in is setting you up for unimaginable stress. Most other students can not relate. There is a disconnect because your priorities, by necessity, are different. </p>

<p>As others, I urge you to follow up with campus counseling. Find out if there is any avenue that fin-aid would be available to you, putting you back on campus. Even if you didn’t have many friends you would eliminate the commute, remove yourself from an unhealthy living environment, and be on campus an additional three days a week where you would be available for impromptu lunches or coffee runs. These are less formal and can often allow you to meet people. I wouldn’t worry about a sorority, however study groups or clubs in you major may be worthwhile WHEN you are feeling stronger. You don’t have to do everything at once. I would offer your BF may be suggesting you’make friends’ because he sees something you don’t…the sweet, smart girl he loves. Just a guess. </p>

<p>First order of business would be counseling and fin-aid. I wish you healing and peace. If you don’t take care of yourself now your will be addressing the issues years from now.</p>

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<p>If you feel sad and don’t want to a counselor or something, you can send me an e-mail anytime. <a href="mailto:dkost28@gmail.com">dkost28@gmail.com</a>
I just found out the research I did for years got absolutely nothing in the Siemens competition. I now feel worthless.</p>

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<p>cyberhugs to you too, seoulsk! You must have learned a lot from your research and the hard work and discipline that was required. That was not wasted, and you can still talk about it on your college apps!</p>