I'm in despair and no 1 wants 2 hear me cry. I don't know what to do. Help?

Parents Forum
1

<p>I've been accepted to University of Minnesota- Twin cities as a 2012 Spring Transfer Student.</p>

<p>I live in Florida, but my dad lives in MN.</p>

<p>I'm going through so much trouble at home here in FL. We're losing our home, my mom has an verbally&physically abusive boyfriend who is a gambling addict (who she refuses to leave), she has support a family of 5 which includes, my grandmother who is in critical condition...we are also poor..poor as in our Estimated Family Contribution was=0. </p>

<p>I worked my behind off at my community college to get into the UofM. </p>

<p>My dad promised to take out any loans for me, but for some reason, a small instinct is telling me he'd do a total U on my when I get up there. My dad has always been obsessed with my mom, and he's ALWAYS bringing up stuff that happened over 18 years ago when they were together since he's still drooling over her. He continuously talks about his past and how he has a criminal record because of my mother's side of the family, how he can't move in the cities with me because of his record...</p>

<p>For instance, after 18 years I made the effort to contact him and we promised to rekindle our relationship...when 2010 came and it was time for my graduation, he decided to not associate with me because of the past (NOTHING I HAD CONTROL OVER!)...I was surprised that he'd leave back out of my life, because I thought our relationship was so strong after I flew up to meet him, etc...6 months later...I get a call from him. After that, I flew up to MN to meet with him AGAIN, we agreed that he'd pay for my school since his credit is good. He's always bringing up the past, though. It gets so annoying. But for some reason, I kinda believe that he'd do it..idk weird mixed emotions. He's in the process of booking the plane ticket. </p>

<p>My mom has 3 other kids besides me: 2yr old, 7 yr old, 13 yr old
My dad has 4: 2, 5, 11, 14.</p>

<p>Well, my Financial Aid package just came in:</p>

<p>Federal Pell Grant<br>
$2,775.00</p>

<p>Ford Federal Subsidized Loan<br>
$3,500.00</p>

<p>Ford Federal Unsubsidized Loan<br>
$2,000.00</p>

<p>Ford Federal PARENT Loan<br>
$6,216.00</p>

<p>Totals:<br>
$14,491.00</p>

<p>WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS? MY EFC=0! I'm so depressed. I'm a minority, 3.5GPA, first one to go to college in my family, the school population only consists of 4% African-American. I'm a sophomore in college. Is there anyway that I can call and ask them for money?? I heard people do this and it actually works. Is this true? I'm in tears for days. I'm so soft-spoken, and don't even know how to ask...idk how I should, too!? :( </p>

<p>I really can't afford to take out any loans, if my father bails out on me. I don't know what I should do...do you think it's worth it?
I mean I HAVE to get out of FL! There's no way that I can do another semester here.</p>

<p>And I love the UofM since it's a good school, too...</p>

<p>My father thinks I am majoring in pharmacy..I'm not. changed it to Economics but he doesn't know...yet.</p>

<p>And don't suggest I move out of my family's home, get a job & my own place, because if that's the case, I should just go to UMN, right? And NO I WON'T JOIN THE ARMY.</p>

<p>My mom is going to think I'm "dumb, stupid" for taking out a loan..which she is in a way right, because I don't want to be in debt because I want to move on to Grad. school, and I heard you shouldn't take out any loans for undergrad degree, since grad is expensive. The horror stories I heard with people who took out loans makes me worried.</p>

<p>But throughout the year I am there, I can continue to apply for scholarships get grants, right? I don't know what to do. I'm in so much despair :( It'd get cheaper because the next semester I'd be classified as instate. </p>

<p>Thanks so much for the suggestions, recommendations, opinions. I appreciate it. It means so much. </p>

<p>My advisors won't help. NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO me :( It really means the world for your detailed comments. Thanks so much.</p>

2

<p>Mikeys - I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with all of this. I’ve been participating on the UMN board too and I’ve been following your posts.</p>

<p>You say you’ve been accepted for Spring. Is your aid package for just that semester? Are you in-state for UMN due to your father’s residence? You’ll likely find aid packages better at private schools than at most public schools as an OOS student.</p>

3

<p>Won’t you be considered in state since your father is a resident?</p>

<p>Unfortunately, loans will be part of the package at almost all schools. You’re right to be scared by them, many kids do have a hard time paying them back. But if you stick to just the amount you can borrow in Stafford loans, it should be manageable.</p>

<p>Do you have SAT scores? That would help us know if you might get accepted to some of the colleges that give goo aid.</p>

<p>Also, what about some of the FL state schools not near your family where you could live on campus?</p>

4

<p>@Gadad Thank you. And good question. I have to find that out. I will be in-state after the spring semester.</p>

<p>@Elm227, yes, but there are schools around in my state in florida. but, they all require to look at your HS transcript until your finished with CC. My HIGH SCHOOL TRANSCRIPT IS ATROCIOUS.
And I CAN’T stay another semester at the CC, because as I stated, family issues…</p>

<p>Which is a plus, because I can transfer right away to the UMN and be out of here by January…but then the financial part…</p>

5

<p>Would UMN allow you to defer admission until Fall 2012 so that you could attend a low-priced Minnesota community college this spring?</p>

6

<p>They probably would…but then what’s the point if I am still going to take out some money for housing, etc?</p>

7

<p>University of Minnesota does not guarentee to meet the full need of its accepted students…and they don’t. As a public university…the bulk of their financial aid is in the form of federally funded need based aid. You got a good federally funded package for ONE semester…looks like the full pell for a semester (1/2 of the total)…and then the loans, which I’m quite sure are standard for UMN students. </p>

<p>The Stafford loans are in YOUR name only so your dad isn’t an issue on those. It’s the Plus loan that is the issue.</p>

<p>When you filed the FAFSA, I’m assuming you used your mom as your custodial parent since you currently live with her. If her EFC is $0 and she is willing to apply for a PLUS loan…and is denied, you would be able to take out additional Stafford loan amounts in your name (I forget the amount but someone else will be able to tell you).</p>

<p>P.S. You might want to post your question on the financial aid section of this forum…folks there will know the details of the Plus loan denial/possible increase in Stafford loan amount…</p>

8

<p>But my dad wants to pay for the ParentPlus loan instead of my mom, would he still be able to do that?</p>

<p>And he can’t cover my stafford loans?</p>

9

<p>Where else did you apply?</p>

10

<p>

</p>

<p>YOU will be taking out the Stafford loans. They are loans in the student’s name only. However, certainly your dad can give you money to pay these loans back when the time comes. BUT your dad’s signature is NOT required to get the Stafford loans. I do believe your dad can also take out the PLUS loan but that is in HIS name. He would be signing for that loan.</p>

11

<p>I think you should finish community college in whatever state you can do it as an in-state student and in the state, hopefully, where you would like to continue at a state 4 year college or university. </p>

<p>If your high school transcript is as bad as you say, then doing well at a community college will help you a lot, since that is the transcript the 4 year schools will use.</p>

<p>Rather than take out loans, I would work and take classes part-time, starting with two/semester. When you get closer to finishing, you can take more to hurry it up.</p>

<p>That is, unless your Dad says he will pay, but you would need to get some assurance that this commitment would last past the 4 years, long enough to pay the loans off.</p>

<p>In our family, we try to stay away from unsubsidized loans.</p>

<p>p.s. congratulations on getting into the U. of Minnesota…regardless of all this!</p>

12

<p>First, I want you to be kind to yourself. I am a mid fifties parent, married to a PhD, with a steady home life and tons of time to get myself to the library or research things on the internet and I have a hard time figuring out the college application/financial aid world. </p>

<p>You are trying to take on a complex system and succeed when

  1. your parents haven’t done this before (that right there makes a huge difference)
  2. There are issues at both sides of the family tree
  3. you are doing this long distance (out of state)</p>

<p>Here’s what I would tell you if you were a kid in my neighborhood:

  1. Get a copy of “How to pay for college without going broke” or another resource that lays out details on the complex world of financial aid so you understand exactly what you are being offered.
  2. Print off a copy of your FAFSA and go through and make a list of the things that are strong points for you having an EFC = O. For instance, it doesn’t matter what month of the year your birthday is – but it DOES matter that you have so many siblings.
  3. Carefully compose an email to the financial aid office at Michigan
    Take time to list all the points that you noted from the FAFSA (like the number of siblings and the loss of the home
    Leave out things that the financial aid office doesn’t care about (like the abusive boyfriend or that you are soft spoken or that you are upset or that your Dad still has issues about your mother. While these are huge in your life, they are just “drama clutter” to the Financial Aid officer.
  4. Once your situation is laid out, ask for a review of your file. </p>

<p>The sooner you do this the better. Please know that financial aid officer review offers all the time. </p>

<p>Also inquire if there are departmental scholarships or other aid opportunities that you should be applying for. </p>

<p>More in a moment</p>

13

<p>I also think you should trust your instincts. If your Dad has a criminal record and lots of kids, and a history of saying one thing and doing another, that combination right there is a strong indication that he may not be reliable as a co-signer. </p>

<p>I would have you email Admissions and make sure you understand whether or not you would be a Michigan resident after a year. In many, many states you cannot be a resident after a year of college (you have to be in the state and NOT in college to be declared a resident). </p>

<p>If you feel you must leave FL, then visualize what it would look like for you to move to MI and work for a year (it is a very depressed economy there – do you have any job skills?)</p>

<p>Given that you are on your own, I would strongly encourage you to look for programs that have internships. Please don’t go earn a degree in Economics and worry about getting a job “later”. You need to have a plan to get a decent job as the MAIN idea and tailor your education from there. </p>

<p>Would you please look at North Carolina A &T? You might could work in North Carolina a year and then be looking at costs of $8000 to attend. </p>

<p>Or consider University of Central Florida. Tuition is $4,500 and room and board is $8,500 but you may be able to cut living costs to something less. </p>

<p>I mention these two campuses as places with strong work/study/internship programs. </p>

<p>I know you love the idea of majoring in Economics and UM but throughly explore your other options so you are making choices based on in depth knowledge instead of passionate hopes. (passionate hopes are the strong suit of 18 to 20 year olds. Pretend you are ancient and very, very shrewd for this exercise). </p>

<p>Lots less boo-hooing and tons more detail mastery are what are going to get you through this. Hang in there. You are worth the effort.</p>

14

<p>I believe the OP is talking about U of Minnesota Twin Cities…not U of Michigan.</p>

<p>It is my understanding that U Minn had more favorable OOS tuition rates than many other schools…certainly WAY more favorable than UMich OOS rates:)</p>

<p>OP…if your mom is denied a Parent Plus loan, you would be eligible for an additional $4000 in Stafford loans in your name.</p>

15

<p>This student was accepted by U of M (Minn) so should choose that for the education instead of some community college. U of M found his record and ability satisfactory. Congratulations on that! Many students would love to be accepted there. Good luck with the finances. Also remember to do well in your current school to maintain your acceptance and learn as much as you can.</p>

<p>Sometimes delaying school can be detrimental, or even disastrous in actually attending the school. Sounds like this student shouldn’t delay his move until next fall. At worst getting a job while going to school in Minn, full time work would not likely pay his living expenses so being a student and able to get loans may be the best. Don’t worry about grad school yet- you still need to do well as an undergrad. Depending on the field you may get stipends as a grad student, or can work a few years first.</p>

16

<p>Another thing to find out…any chance there is a coop option? Schools with coop programs are ones where you go to school for a term, work for a term…until you finish. This usually starts at the start of your junior year. Worth checking.</p>

17

<p>I’m pretty sure my dad will take out the 6, 000…
And I have enough $$ to cover my 3,000& 2, 000 loan.
Just worried about it piling up after that…</p>

<p>They told me I’d be classified as an In-state after this semester, so I can get qualified for instate grants, instate scholarships, and it’ll be tons cheaper next semester…etc then if I do work-study…idk Work study as in, they have a student have a student job while on campus program…but I’m not entirely depending on that…it would just be a plus! </p>

<p>So, do you think I should just try it out for the semester to see how things work out? </p>

<p>Just looking at the optimistic side. So, do you think I should just give it a try for the semester and then apply for University of Central Florida …if I don’t like UMN?? </p>

<p>Another reason why I like the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities is because I feel a sense of community. I’m Ethiopian, and MN is one of the highest concentrated Ethiopian population in the country! Florida has none…</p>

<p>Thanks. I really appreciate all of these suggestions, opinions, advice, recommendations. It’s just hard because my parents never been through this so they can’t really help, my advisers won’t hear me out,
and all of you I couldn’t ask for anything more. I wish I could reward you for so much. It’s changing my life. I’m so thankful & fortunate for the experienced moms, dads, and parents! Bless you</p>

<p>Continue to give your thoughts on this subject matter :)</p>

18

<p>

</p>

<p>If you do this plan…make sure you are NOT losing your instate tuition status in FLORIDA (because you will be establishing it in MN).</p>

19

<p>@Thumper1, if I do that plan and I’d still be able to get in-state FL tuition…do you think it’s still a good idea?</p>

20

<p>Actually…no I don’t. I don’t think you should switch colleges, then switch again…then switch again. Too many switches. </p>

<p>If you think you will like FL, then just stay in FL and apply for admission there for the fall. </p>

<p>If you think you will want to go to MN, then go to MN with the intention of staying there…not transferring again.</p>

<p>One thing you really need to think about…the WEATHER in MN is drastically different from that in FL…and you will also need to get winter weather clothes, shoes, etc.</p>