I'm miserable at Tufts.

Colleges and Universities A-Z Tufts University
1

<p>I can't handle the overachieving atmosphere. The sense of "community" really just makes me feel excluded because I don't have a bunch of smiling, fit, multicultural friends and I don't run a startup and feed the hungry in my spare time. I'm managing mental illnesses without medication, so my baseline level of function is a lot lower than the Type-A superhumans that populate this school. I have one real "friend" I see maybe once a week, a roommate I sometimes talk to, I'm a member of the Futurism Society and treasurer of the 14-man "Pep Band"... I'm lonely and actively worried about relapsing.</p>

<p>I also realize it's important to be positive. I'm in counseling, I make lifestyle choices to help manage anxiety and depression. I keep in touch with my friends from home, and I try to get involved, although I don't have much spare time outside classes and I don't want to add stress than could bring on a relapse.</p>

<p>So I'm not at all sure it's worth it. This place is tiny, it's isolated, and nobody seems to have heard of it. I want to study biology or cognitive science, not IR. I'm not at all sure I'm not just wasting my time here.</p>

<p>Part of recovery involves taking initiative, but I don't know if the most effective initiative to take is just to leave. (I could probably get a full ride at Rutgers.)</p>

<p>Thoughts?</p>

2

<p>Tufts is known as a good premed school, so you have no complaint there.</p>

<p>It doesn’t matter whether people have heard of it.</p>

3

<p>If Tufts is not working for you, then you should leave. I am not advocating you make a rash decision, because it is a hard school to get into and you have obviously put in a lot of time and effort to get to where you are today. However, you have a lot on your plate, and it is not easy to handle your personal situation and the academics at a very competitive school like Tufts. You have to make a decision as to what is best for you. You should spend time working with a counselor to figure this out. Life is too short for you to put yourself in an unnecessary miserable situation.</p>

4

<p>One of the aspects of depression is seeing things in a negative light. Before you decide that you would be better off if you leave Tufts, also consider the possibilty that you are not fully treated for depression. It’s not a good idea to make major decisions unless you are first physically and mentally at your best.
Full ride scholarships are usually for incoming freshmen, so you should also get a realistic cost of any alternatives before you transfer.
It’s also common if one is unhappy to think everyone else is doing fine except you. My guess is that for some of those “superhumans”, they are just trying to hide the fact that they are scared and lonely too.
Can you go to the counseling center? They can evaluate you and get you counseling and you may or may not need medication. Maybe they can recommend a support group- which would be good as you would not feel so isolated and as if you are the only one. Also see if you can seek out less academically oriented groups like religious clubs that could be more nurturing, especially if adults like a minister, rabbi, or other spiritual leaders are involved as they could help advise you too. Perhaps another major would be more interesting to you.
If you have explored all options with the help of a counselor and your family, then maybe another college would be a good fit.</p>

5

<p>There is nothing wrong with transfering schools, but is Tufts the problem, or is it your depression?. </p>

<p>That is a tough one to ascertain. </p>

<p>Further, the first year of college is hard for many kids from a social standpoint.</p>

<p>You should take into account that it is hard to make friends if you transfer to a new school, because a lot of friendships are made the first year.</p>

<p>Tufts is more prestigious than Rutgers, in general.</p>

<p>So it would be foolish to leave Tufts from a purely academic standpoint.</p>

<p>There are many smart kids who go to Rutgers who would love to go to Tufts, if they could afford it.</p>

<p>I would stay, and try and focus on the positive aspects of the school.</p>

<p>You will eventually find your own niche—two or three friends who do not fit into the type of people you outlined in your post.</p>

<p>Last year, my son probably could have gotten into Tufts (he didn’t apply), and he is in no way like the people you describe.</p>

<p>Also, I would recommend that when you are lonely, to go to the gym, and work out, and get those endomorphyns flowing.</p>

<p>And when you study, study around other people, and not in your dorm room.</p>

<p>Also, Boston is a big city.</p>

<p>You can remain at Tufts, but hang out at other places, if you don’t like the people</p>

6

<p>wow, I was not expecting this much response! Thanks for reading.</p>

<p>I’m currently in counseling, my counselor plans on using the rest of the semester to decide if I should transfer or not. It definitely does help!</p>

<p>Pennylane, you have a good point. They don’t mention in the admissions brochure the amount of bonding that takes place over mutual 3am stress breakdowns. The issue I’m raising is that for me, those can be more dangerous, because major depressive episodes and elite-college academics really don’t mix well - I don’t want to take the Tufts opportunity I’ve been given and screw it up by crashing and burning. My job involves going over old students’ records, so I have a good idea of how few people actually come back from their “medical leave of absence.”</p>

7

<p>My daughter is taking a personal leave of absence from Tufts this semester due to medical issues. She also has a major depression problem and decided to take the time to find out what is behind it. After major counseling and cognitive therapy with a phychiatrist and a psychologist, she is well on her way to a healthy mind and body. She will be able to go back to and have a whole new experience. Please look around Boston (or your hometown) and find a psychologist and psychiatrist who can work on an intensive cognitive program to deal with your depression. This can be done over the summer and you will be ready to start up again in the fall. My daughter will be finishing her intensive 6 week program this weekend and she couldn’t be happier that she took the time to work on this. Also know that the psychologists at Tufts are excellent, however, only so much can be done in an hour each week. This has to be a fulltime commitment on your part until the program is complete. Don’t give up until you resolve the real issue causing the depression. I couldn’t be prouder of my daughter for the work she has done to resolve this problem. She is doing very well !!</p>

8

<p>Thanks for the advice! I’m glad your daughter is doing better. Unfortunately I think I’m in a substantially different boat; I’ve been in and out of counseling for seven years now, and while I’ve made progress, it’s been slow. My problems aren’t severe enough that I can justify the effort and expense of an intensive program with a non-Tufts professional. I wish this was the kind of thing that responded well to one intensive intervention but the issue is really more that I’ve never been at 100% for more than a few weeks since I was in preschool. I have a ton of life skills to learn and a ton of avoidant habits and distorted thinking to undo.</p>

9

<p>I transferred to a different school after my freshman year and it was the best decision I ever made! Different schools do have different vibes. I would recommend you visit some other campus’s this spring - if you have time. College is a really special time in your life -it is worth the effort to find a good fit! Good Luck!</p>

10

<p>Preposterous, To quote you, “I’ve never been at 100% for more than a few weeks since I was in preschool. I have a ton of life skills to learn and a ton of avoidant habits and distorted thinking to undo.” That indicates to me that your problem is severe enough to warrant an intensive program. You could make huge progress over the summer. It certainly has changed my daughter’s life. She has come face to face with her distorted thinking and by tackling one piece of it at a time has replaced it with healthy thinking.</p>