I'm so sick of it.

<p>It's a competition that I didn't even know existed at my school.</p>

<p>I've always been a fan of getting what I get through doing what I do. Never planned on being high up in the class - heck, didn't even KNOW there were ranks until this year. I do well for god knows what reason.</p>

<p>This year, as the pressure mounted...I discovered that everyone around me, in that AP bubble, have been driven for years, have cared for years, work 'till morning to pull those grades.</p>

<p>I can't stand it.</p>

<p>The only thing I'm willing to do that for is personal hobbies.</p>

<p>I'm so lame, so laid back, but for me, it's just who I am. I can't compete with them.</p>

<p>I want more out of life than studying, good grades, etc. I want LIFE.</p>

<p>These years are the greatest. Physically the best, and supposed to be a lot of fun. Yet, I'm being told to sit around and study all day just for an A on a slip of paper.</p>

<p>I can't take it anymore.</p>

<p>I know that if I had worked harder, I would've been able to do much better. But all I care about now is the time I've wasted on it already. I'll get into a good college anyway. And heck, if I don't, so what? I want to have FUN.</p>

<p>I'm...not feeling too well today. My apologies for the disjointed rant.</p>

<p>-shrugs-</p>

<p>i do the best i can and say "screw you" to competition.</p>

<p>...because I don't want to end up regretting at what I haven't done, academic-wise.</p>

<p><em>applause</em> </p>

<p>I feel the same exact way entity. In fact, I only found out my school really does rank people this year. The nice thing is colleges don't think we rank =) </p>

<p>But yeah, I stay up really late everynight but that's not because I'm studying. I'm either reading for my own entertainment, watching a movie, or talking to my friends. I bet I could have much better grades and standardized tests scores if I tried but really, i have no interest in that. I'm happy with my life as it is.</p>

<p>Some people like the competition. I've always been competitive. Whenever I play games or sports, i wind up getting all worked up, but I've never been good at those really. However, I am smart, and grades in high school is one way I can compete in... well!</p>

<p>I understand it's difficult and stressful, but if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.</p>

<p>Heh, similar sentiments have been echoed many times... (though those threads question different concerns of the same nature).</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=325328%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=325328&lt;/a>
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=206539%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=206539&lt;/a>
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=286116%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=286116&lt;/a>
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=322744%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=322744&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>But I definitely agree. Not only are those years your physically best years, but they're also your mentally best years (there is quite a lot of psychological research to support this, one example, the latest issue of Scientific American Mind)... To imagine that both your physically best years and your mentally best years are wasted in so much wasted effort and stress... it's just pathetic. It's why I wish that I were homeschooled, so that I'd actually do something during the "so called peak years of my life."</p>

<p>The funny thing is that after I came here, I started not caring about how "everyone around me, in that AP bubble, have been driven for years, have cared for years, work 'till morning to pull those grades". Instead of that IB bubble (in my school), I got into this College Confidential bubble, and started caring about math/science competitions that no one in my school was interested in. Meh, I wasn't particularly exceptional in any way - all I wanted was to get accepted to Caltech, and its entrance standards weren't that high (But CC still provided an alternate form of competition). Still, I went to an early entrance program, and am somewhat glad that I did, one reason being that it's now impossible to compare myself to anyone else (since everyone's interests diverge in college). One must ask the question, "do high school students imagine themselves carrying the competition onto college once they get in?" It's hard to say - but school has a tendency to constrain one's imagination. Apparently, overly stressed students in Japan see college as a time to party and slack off. But I'm so glad that I've indulged in interests that few others have now, interests that I could only have pursued if I quit high school, since now I see something that I'm unique in and that I actually like. But then there's all this fuss over graduate school. But at least I now only care about if I get into grad school or not, rather than the decisions that other people make. Certainly, it helps that course sequences in college are no longer purely sequential - so it's often hard to say whether one is ahead of you or not.</p>

<p>Anyways though, could a lot of the stress be due to the assumption of free will? Honestly, many people try to ingrain into you the idea that "you can do anything if you can put your mind to it." But that idea can actually stress people out - because if you waste your time, then you are not realizing your full potential.</p>

<p>But when one looks at the psychological and sociological evidence, one sees that it's only a very small subset of people who are privileged enough to even have the option to be at the top of their class in high school. Intelligence is highly heritable (0.8 correlation IQ with parental IQ), and on top of that, socioeconomic status also has huge correlations with what one can do. The number of those who go from "rags to riches" is very small compared to the number of those who stay in "rags."</p>

<p>That research isn't particularly liberating to those of low IQ or socioeconomic status (but those of low socioeconomic status can at least obtain steps to obtain cultural capital and learn about just how to advance through society - many urban city kids don't even know how to apply to college!), but to us here, it's more liberating. And why care about a social construct that has no intrinsic meaning other than the interpretation that institutions put to it?</p>

<p>Of course, you'll be fine where-ever you go (your socioeconomic status is high enough already for you to have a very high chance of acquiring a stable career). Your attitudes and behaviors will be modified in the experiences that you perceive in between now and adult-hood, and if we abide by the experiences of most of your age, you no longer have to worry about this high school angst (or your classmates, for that matter). Of course, some people do suffer from depression, but this doesn't seem to be much of a problem at College Confidential...</p>

<p>...and the privileged lives of upper-middle class Westerners are lives that very very few can enjoy, and yet they still find stressors, over how "good' they are relative to each other. Humans are funny creatures...</p>

<p>(and there still is reason for me to stress out since I want to go to grad school...). Oh, and yeah, I asked the key question "why is it that I happen to be conscious in this body"? When I am no more important than anyone else? The only difference between me and everyone else is that the world can only be perceived through my own perceptual experiences, rather than those of someone else. When this body dies, such perceptual experiences are no more. Which brings up an excellent thought experiment. What if I could share the same exact perceptual experiences as someone else? (by means of say, having access to a special camera that recorded every sight and sound of his? That someone else could be a Nobel laureate, for that matter. Then he would no longer have privileged access to his perceptual experiences. And then, why value my utility over his utility? (other than for reasons of the basic essentials of food and water)). Well, I can change my behaviors, of course. Because if I could control his behavior, then I could have access to perceptual experiences that are more desirable to me than they are to him. But when you think of it, all of your behaviors are granted towards trying to access perceptual experiences of a sort that you expect, based on what you've read. RSI is nothing more than a perceptual experience (from one's reference frame). An Ivy League college is nothing more than a perceptual experience. Everything is nothing more than a perceptual experience. Starvation and pain are also perceptual experiences, but are things that we never think about as figures of relatively high socio-economic status.</p>

<p>Anyways, though, a good suggestion would be to read a book about the lower classes, to put things into perspective. Tracking does a good job of isolating ourselves from them. One such book is "Ain't No Makin' It."</p>

<p>Ugh, I sounded weird or something. I think I'm barely awake..</p>

<p>I hate stupid "edit limit of 20 minutes".</p>

<p>So then why should we care? It was of course, beneficial to the reproductive success of early humans to compare themselves with others (even ravens keep track of each other's behaviors, for that matter, as do animals in hierarchical societies), in terms of food and mates. Those with less food/no mates were consequently more motivated to perform an action that would make them more equal to those they compared themselves to (because in times of scarcity, those who didn't obtain food/resources were genetic losers. This hypothesis may have flaws on its own though - since bodies often adjust in other ways to scarcity - by accumulating more adipose tissue relative to others, as one example - which explains why the Pimas have such high obesity rates, and the Pimas don't seem any more aggressive than other groups. Still, "comparing oneself to others" can be an adaptation to scarcity at the species level, and "enhanced adipose accumulation" can be an adaptation to scarcity at the ethnic group level, in cases of unusually severe scarcity where increased hostility would prove a maladaptation *). And this behavior has continued on. Society has done an interesting thing - by its moral laws that have largely discouraged people from even thinking about ruining someone else's status in order to improve one's own status in the meantime, but it certainly hasn't helped people with worrying over their own status in life in the modern era, where someone's surplus does not mean another's misery.</p>

<p>Anyways the belief that many of one's emotions are just adaptations to ages long gone may not change one's attitudes. Or it may. It just depends on the person.</p>

<p>I should be writing this in my blog. =P</p>

<p>Anyways, some insightful Sciam articles (I keep on citing them =p)
<a href="http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=000CB565-F330-11BE-AD0683414B7F0000%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=000CB565-F330-11BE-AD0683414B7F0000&lt;/a>
<a href="http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=00046268-5C71-1359-9B5C83414B7F0119%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=00046268-5C71-1359-9B5C83414B7F0119&lt;/a>
* - this hypotheses may explain the following article:
<a href="http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?chanID=sa006&colID=1&articleID=0008B048-D21B-137C-8FA583414B7F0101%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?chanID=sa006&colID=1&articleID=0008B048-D21B-137C-8FA583414B7F0101&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/...d.php?t=286116%5B/url%5D%5B/i%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/...d.php?t=286116</a></p>

<p>:D</p>

<p>Just realized that was MY thread from a few months ago!</p>

<p>Man, this asinine angst won't go away... :p</p>

<p>Hey man, the fun is what you make out of it. I can make homework fun... I just get my buddies over at my house and we do it together, make jokes, talk about hott girls..... and get the ***** done efficiently.</p>

<p>Yeah, I noticed. =P</p>

<p>At least you're not condemned to overanalyzing everything like I am. =P</p>