<p>I'm trapped in an "I-it" relationship with everyone at my high school. </p>
<p>My HS is very small - about 150 people - and I've already messed up my relationship with everyone. Elections: they don't vote for me. Science fair: they don't want me on their team. History fair: same. Competitions: who is he? School performances: Hell naw. This is partly because I've explicitly offended some people, and partly because I'm not an approachable/likable person. </p>
<p>The only reason why I even talk to most everyone at school is because they need help on homework, classwork, etc. It's not even as if I'm that academically successful. Every "relationship" I have with others comprise little more than homework help and more homework help. Every relationship I have with others is stale, fake, phony. I can feel it all the time. </p>
<p>I just want to end this junk I call high school and get into the most remote college I can, where I can literally start over, re-identify myself, and find new people to meet. I think it is too late to salvage my popularity - 0 - at my current school. </p>
<p>This is such an injustice. I just want to go to a new school where everyone starts from behind a Veil of Ignorance - in which they know nothing about others. Only in such a primal position can there be true justice. Right now, my image - others' perceptions of me - is permanently besmirched. </p>
<p>That's my sad, sorry rant. I just had to post this after seeing some friends' FB statuses about how successful they were - "OMG I just got accepted into School A," "OMG I just got into internat'l sci. fair," ...</p>
<p>Your not alone. I bet most CCers fill this way. It seems like everyone here was/is so focused on academics that they haven’t been able to build any true relationships. I can’t think of anyway to remedy your current situation other than just waiting it out. College will come soon enough, bro, you can persevere till then.</p>
<p>Well hello Mr. John Rawls, </p>
<p>You’re right in that it’s likely too late to salvage your popularity, but I would venture to guess you can create a few meaningful relationships. There are probably a few rational people among all the “yahoos”. It’s just about finding that Houyhnhnm. </p>
<p>Be careful not to make the same mistake in college.</p>
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<p>My current situation by and large relates to my personality, so I guess I should be asking “how can one change his/her personality?” I keep thinking of college as this panacea, but I’m afraid that I’m deluding myself (at least to some extent). </p>
<p>My current situation also refers to some extremely foolish actions I undertook a couple of years ago … but that’s that, and that’s not changing anytime soon. It’s like a criminal record - it always catches up to me at the worst moments :(.</p>
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<p>Absolutely. </p>
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<p>He died several years ago. Are you addressing him in the grave?</p>
<p>Explain in as much detail as possible your personality and behaviors.</p>
<p>Two words: insecure introvert.</p>
<p>P.S. How did you catch the Rawls reference :o? Do you see any other references of note?</p>
<p>Nah, I don’t think it’s your personality, I think it’s the personality in the context of your environment (in this case, your high school). Hard workers don’t get much love in high school, but at many colleges they are accepted and encouraged. I’ve heard plenty of stories of high school social misfits finding friends and social acceptance in college, it certainly is possible.</p>
<p>I just feel so insecure all the time. I may feel insecure about my clothes, my looks, etc., and whenever I feel insecure, I just shut people out. I just hate interacting with others. I’m almost afraid that college will make it worse with all the frats and so forth. I would not mind attending a college with no frats :o.</p>
<p>You’re not the only weeping philosopher! I didn’t see any other references. I’d guess ‘permanently besmirched’ was said somewhere before. (if I was making a thread, I’d use “on this incisively sharp and blustery day” from Fowles’s The French Lieutenant’s Woman)</p>
<p>Insecure introvert sounds like me in the past. Granted, I’m still incapable of a lot of things most people are, but I’ve improved. I would say stop caring about how other people see you:
[The</a> Tao of Kung Fu #18 - “Disregard how others see you.” - YouTube](<a href=“- YouTube”>- YouTube)</p>
<p>But more specific examples would help me help you, if I can.</p>
<p>Put yourself in awkward/embarrassing situations and then you will realize that it’s ok or funny to be awkward (and insecure). I tried this, and it worked. When you get to college you have to go out and put yourself in situations that an insecure person wouldn’t. Also, you might like: [Susan</a> Cain: The power of introverts - YouTube](<a href=“The power of introverts | Susan Cain - YouTube”>The power of introverts | Susan Cain - YouTube)</p>
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<p>Given your predilection for philosophy, try looking at the first line of my post :). </p>
<p><a href=“if%20I%20was%20making%20a%20thread,%20I’d%20use%20%22on%20this%20incisively%20sharp%20and%20blustery%20day%22%20from%20Fowles’s%20The%20French%20Lieutenant’s%20Woman”>quote=fln1049</a>
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<p>Huh? I never heard of that work or author before. Guess I have some homework to do. On a side note, I have to admit that I somewhat contorted Rawl’s concepts to fit my post. Purists will be disenchanted. </p>
<p>And thanks for the YT video.</p>
<p>I might share some examples, but only via PM - I don’t want to completely reveal my identity online.</p>
<p>Oh, I wasn’t familiar with that concept.</p>
<p>I will construct a pseudo-mathematical proof (it will burn your eyes if you’re a mathematical purist) to tell you that you need to get out more, basically. </p>
<ol>
<li>Humans are creatures of habit.</li>
<li>By not interacting with others, you are habituating yourself into a behavior of isolationism. </li>
</ol>
<p>I. Bike riding Lemma
- A person who learns to ride a bike falls many times trying.
- Any new behavior or action has a learning curve that is traveled through practice and failure. </p>
<ol>
<li>From the Bike riding Lemma, we see that it is asinine to expect yourself to magically change.</li>
<li>It follows you must put yourself in uncomfortable positions and learn to adapt to them. </li>
</ol>
<p>QED</p>
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<p>Saved for future use</p>
<p>EDIT (I thought of more stoof): Last week my friend paid me $5 to sit at a table full of girls I’ve never talked to for 20 seconds. After doing that (and becoming $5 richer) conversing with someone doesn’t seem so awkward after all.</p>
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<p>That reminds me of something that commenced last Friday. I had the oppurtunity of taking a girl on a “date,” and she wanted to go with me too, but I refused, because she already had a boyfriend. Looking back, I should have been more spontaneous and said yes. Hell, it would have been awkward, but I guess hindsight is always 20/20. I wouldn’t have lost anything, she wanted to go … I NEED A TIME MACHINE :(.</p>
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<p>I see. Clever proof though :). I don’t expect changing my personality to be a short journey. “All straits, and none but straits, are ways to [a changed personality].” I suppose I should start by describing myself today and remembering all the useful posts on this thread while attempting to put myself into new situations. As one of the philosophers said, the greatest wisdom is to “know thyself.” Right now, I don’t know myself. I don’t know my limits (or if I have any). I don’t know how I respond in situation A and in situation B. I suppose I’ll have to find out.</p>
<p>do you have anxiety when interacting with others? </p>
<p>you will have to keep cc updated so we can get a happy ending to this sagga sometime next fall. I would be SO happy to see nice resolution to all of this. it’s not right that people suffer how you have been. </p>
<p>do you have any pets, and any interests outside of school? (while college may be the panacea you are looking for it also may not be - but there is a decent probability i think that it will be - but it would be still nice to be prepared with alternative ways of existing okay if it’s not, so you don’t become awfully depressed if things don’t work out very well socially).</p>
<p>essentially your personality is not the problem, but feeling insecure is - because that affects how you express yourself and respond to people. One way to not feel insecure is to make some good friends. Sort of paradoxically though, insecurity prevents one from making friends.</p>
<p>So once you make your first good friend you’ll be alright. but the first one’s tough. (that’s how i see it…).</p>
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<p>You’re spot on. I have trouble making friends because I am insecure. I’m always afraid of approaching others or forming any kind of close attachment because I simply cannot be rejected or brushed off. To protect myself, I just completely shield myself by avoiding friendships. Is avoiding social interaction a effective cure for avoiding social rejection, yes. Conduit to a happy life? No.</p>
<p>i saw this girl today selling girl scout cookies loudly, and everyone was passing her by and I thought - wow, that’s a good way to get used to rejection. </p>
<p>one way to approach this sort of thing from is the diet/supplement angle, where there’s not the disappointment of failing because you’re not pressuring yourself to act differently. </p>
<p>The social anxiety support forum is full of people in situations nearly identical to yours.</p>
<p>My sports team had to sell raffle tickets on the phone sometime last year. It was SO awkward at first talking to people on the phone, but by my 10th or so call I felt like I was the master of talking to others on the phone. That social interaction really helped me get over some social anxiety, cause after being rejected 9 out of 10 times I started to loosen up a bit and my possible rejection.</p>
<p>^Hey, I might just become a telemarketer :D. But seriously, that’s a good way to get used to rejection. I won’t have to expose my identity. People won’t see me. I won’t feel physically insecure.</p>