IMPORANT Please i need help read my essay and revise in comment i will return favor

<p>Essay II: “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” - Aristotle</p>

<p>The intellectual, social and cultural differences embraced by the University of Maryland are integral to the fabric of our community. The strength of the University is realized through the contributions of every member of our campus. We understand each individual is a result of his/her personal background and experiences. Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you.
There was only one way to learn from life. The only way to know why it happened. That was experiencing it. November 20th was the last day to mock life long friends. It was a bitter sweet moment as my friends helped me Pack my bag. I was trilled to experience my first flight and see the land of dreams: America.
After a very long wait, the curiosity ended and November 21st came and we started off from home to the airport. As soon as we reached the airport, the very sight of planes taking off exasperated me. I was restless to board a plane. By the time we boarded the plane, the air carried a quite breeze. Ten hours of flight guided as to the Atlantic ocean. Unlike what I see on TV, the Atlantic seemed quite pleasant and plane blue. In fact, it made the long anticipated flight boring. When we landed at Washington DC Dulles Airport, I felt sense of relief, but the flight was far from being done. We soared to the air once again; next stop Georgia. As we went through the skies, I enjoyed the panoramic view of the city, which seemed far different from what I have seen on TV. Another 2 hrs for 2 year long settlement. It just seems like yesterday we packed our bags again and went for the Garwood bus. I never thought I would end up in the place were I fist saw America: Maryland.<br>
No I have see the world from two sides, and it is because of that opportunity that I have flourished into the bright person that I am today. By traveling I have come to understand more about how people from other countries live, and discover the similarities among people of different cultures. And it is just the beginning.</p>

<p>It’s an interesting essay, but I’m not sure it responds to the prompt at all. Where are the parts? Where is the whole? </p>

<p>You could try writing about how American culture and the culture of wherever you were before add up to produce you. Or about something else.</p>

<p>dont u consider the last paragraph answer the whole part?</p>

<p>“444 views” plz comment on the essay i need to edit it quick before deadline</p>

<p>where are you from? it’s not clear in the essay</p>

<p>I agree with clienk, the essay doesn’t answer the writing prompt. In simple words, what is the message you want to relate to admissions?</p>

<p>“Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.”</p>

<p>so can that essay answer this prompt working on edits i will post the improved version</p>

<p>What you described is a plane ride, unless you re-write it from a different angle, my opinion is to dig deeper into your past experience and find another story to tell.</p>

<p>Describe the parts of you Eyuelabr, not a plane ride :). Why was that plane-ride so symbolic and life-changing for you?</p>

<p>I haven’t fished it yet but how at this for general idea</p>

<p>There was only one way to learn from life. The only way to know why it happened. That was experiencing it. November 20 was the last day to spoof
With life long friends. It was a bitter sweet moment as my friends helped me Pack my bag. I was trilled to experience my first flight and see the land of dreams: America.
After a very long wait, I arrived in America. I was so trilled to experience different cultures at young age. Every thing I have seen on the movies seemed unreal: it wasn’t like every city street was filled with skyscrapers or every corner was crowded with taxis. All the excitement was confined in small space-Downtown. As a kid form a crowded city of Addis-Ababa, Ethiopia, I found it leafless trees everyday. I also found it hard to conform to the different serotypes. Many people consider people from Africa to be uneducated and………. but that wasn’t the case for me. even though it took me a while to learn the “American” accent, I got adjusted to everything else easily. After two months I started school in America, I kept: getting good grades; making new friends and going to new places. What is more exiting is that I still have to see more to say this is what makes America America.
Now that I have see the world from two sides, I have flourished into the bright person that I am today. By traveling I have come to understand more about how people from other countries live, and discover the similarities among people of different cultures.</p>

<p>did you get accepted?</p>