<p>Today is the second day of summer classes at my uni. Every time I try to sit down and jot down my goals, I get this hollow guilt inside, and feel unworthy of even trying. </p>
<p>I seem to have forgotten most of calc I, so calc II so far is almost meaningless to me. I try to plan out my finances and get this sinking feeling inside, like I don't deserve to save and be well-off. I feel like I should drop all my classes and run away or something strange. </p>
<p>At night, when I'm alone in my apartment, I feel really uneasy and I'm scared to walk into the living room or kitchen, because I'm afraid I'll have visions of something abnormal. I look over my shoulder a lot because it feels like something's behind me or watching me. I have to distract myself because things pop into my head and I feel alarmed. </p>
<p>Maybe it's because I was home for a week and I got into fights with my dad. I have a lot of resentment towards him but I know that's wrong and I want to be a good person. When he dropped me off at uni he acted disapproving and suspicious towards me and it left me feeling sick. I still feel sick. I feel like my life is a lie and I try to be good but I don't even know how. Last night I dreamed my dad was telling me women are made for men, not the other way around. My dad's actually one of the best people I know, but sometimes I feel like I'm seething with anger towards him. So I'm bitter and unsettled with myself.</p>
<p>Anyway about college, I feel like I'm sinking down and swirling away. Last semester I worked very very hard and saved up a lot of money and got all A's and set up my study abroad year to Germany. Now I need to pull through. I don't know how to fix myself. It's like I'm paralyzed and wrong. Idk if anyone has advice, but I think I should write all this out. Thanks in advance.</p>
<p>@swebber, what you are describing sounds like it could be anxiety or depression or another mental health issue. Please contact the counselling service at your uni and ask to be evaluated ASAP (certainly within 48 hours). This is not something you should be trying to handle all alone. Please write back and let me know that you’ve reached out for help and how it goes.</p>
<p>@Sudsie Just wanted to let you know, I got out of my apartment and went to a study session, then went for a walk/jog in the beautiful sunny day, and I feel much more capable and bright. Still a teensy bit scared at night, but overall I’m much better. All in a day! Thank you for caring about my situation :)</p>
<p>Please don’t take this negatively in any way, but I’d recommend you see a psychiatrist or go to the ER. It sounds like you might be trying to cope with an emerging serious mental illness, and need the help of experienced doctors. Young adulthood is when some of these conditions emerge. You don’t need to be experiencing this alone and without professional help. Please let us know how you’re progressing. Take good care of yourself! Remember you are a precious person and deserve to find peace. </p>
<p>@dyiu13 Thanks for trying to help. But what part of my post sounds like a serious mental illness? I guess the bit about abnormal visions? I haven’t actually had any. I’m just afraid to, which I realize sounds irrational and to be honest I don’t know why I get so scared at night. It probably sounds a lot worse than it actually is. I don’t mean to come off as disturbed. And thank you, you’re precious too!</p>
<p>You’re trying to rationalize not seeing a psychiatrist. You have nothing to lose by seeing one. If you can’t say it all out loud, write it down and give it to them. They will understand, I promise. Please do not just talk and rationalize yourself out of it because this day may have gone better, or you do not see how you could have a mental illness.</p>
<p>@swebber - You asked what made me consider you might be facing the beginnings of an MI. You reported anxieties, fears, and behaviors that could be symptoms of MI. It would be prudent, perhaps, to discuss this with a psychiatrist as well as with a psychotherapist. You might not be dealing with a mental health issue, but you might be. It would be sad to have a condition that escalates and derails your impressive academic efforts and development, including your SA in Germany. If nothing else, it sounds like you might benefit from counseling in the process of separating from your family (dad) as you grow into adulthood — a normal process. </p>
<p>No one can say on a forum what the issue might be, there are complex things going on. It is pretty clear that you have some anxiety that is over the normal anxiety of college kids. So I also urge you to go to the counseling center and discuss. Taking your post is excellent because you have described the situation very well and that way you could make sure not to omit anything. But you can talk about these things at the counseling center. </p>
<p>a) There are techniques to cope that you can learn. There are techniques to not have lingering resentment that affects your relationship with your Dad and also your life</p>
<p>b) You can find out if you need further evaluation or treatment and not let your life fall apart</p>
<p>c) Just running your thought off to someone can help you articulate it and get some perspective. You might even laugh about it later.</p>
<p>d) It is always better to be proactive and not wait until problems are worse. You are just at the beginning of summer session, so get help now.</p>
<p>==>1. Got to the counseling center tomorrow and find out what free service you can get. Sign up.
==>2. Go get tutoring from the tutoring center now so you don’t get behind. Summer class goes fast and there is no time to catch up if you get behind.</p>
<p>So you are doing positive things by getting out. So get out everyday. Walking helps depression and anxiety, studies show it. Do small things, anything is better than nothing. Review your Calc I by viewing the short vids on Khan Academy or youtube.
<a href=“Khan Academy”>Khan Academy;
<p>@Alexmer, @dyiu13 @BrownParent and @Sudsie ,</p>
<p>I went to counseling today. The girl I spoke with didn’t think I had any mental illness, just a lot of stress and anxiety which sounds about right. Thanks all of you for caring about my situation, I think that alone helps a lot. And thanks BrownParent for the specific tips, I will be getting out more and I started Khan Academy last night. It’s a great resource.</p>
<p>@swebber, so glad you went! Stress and anxiety are important to deal with, and the earlier you start the better. Hopefully the counselor gave you some resources and ideas about how to start managing your anxiety. Keep us posted!</p>
<p>@swebber - Hey, thanks for the great news! Stress can wear you out, but it sounds like you’re nipping it in the bud. Also good to hear that more serious conditions were not brewing. Very hopeful news. Happy trails! </p>