In desperate need of constructive criticism / advice

<p>So things changed and after i was not sure if i wanted to apply to Rutgers it became my #1 choice, which is unfortunate because i have very little time to write the essay. I did a very rough draft today and i have no time to show it to any teachers because of thanksgiving break. It is also my first college essay so i have no idea how to approach this properly. Is there anyone who would be willing to read and give me feedback on what i should change on my essay in a PM ? Please if anyone can, let me know, i would really appreciate it.
Thank you in advance !</p>

<p>Bump … anyone ???</p>