In need of competitive essay. Could I get a few opinions on my work so far?

<p>As I am preparing to send in my application's, I wanted to assure that my essay was strong enough that it would stand out amongst all of the other strong applicants. I have grown up overseas in a very diverse environment, competed for the USA Junior National Team and have travelled all around the world. I need to portray this in very affective and efficient way. I would love to message my essay to some of you for some feedback and critiquing. Thank you :)</p>