The OP admittedly came here to vent about not getting as much free, unearned money as someone else in their family. I think some perspective would serve the OP well. If you don’t, so be it.
If she wasn’t mentioned at all it sounds like the will could be contested.
This sounds like my mom’s thinking … she’ll marry a man who will take care of her needs.
OP I’m sorry the situation has made you feel less loved or appreciated in any way. I agree with many posters here that I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that your uncle loved you less or your cousins more because of the way he drafted his will. People are capricious at times, even when they layout their thought processes in writing we can be left scratching our heads at the “way their mind works”. A written explanation might have shed some light but not made you feel any better at the outcome.
I also wouldn’t assume how your cousins might be reading the situation. Would you have assumed your uncle cared less about them if you had received the larger share? You might have felt badly that you received more or worried that your cousins might be feeling the way you are now.
This is a moment in time, it hurts but it will pass (or atleast dim). Acknowledge the hurt, grieve that your uncle didn’t live up to your expectations in this circumstance and I hope you find peace with this and can continue to have a good relationship with your family.
I know that you have the right intentions, I really do.
But as the responses have proved, human emotions are very tricky.
I’ve been excluded from certain events and it really hurts. When I’ve expressed my thoughts, I’ve been told that I should expect for the other person to be favored. Of course I should know they were closer. Except I didn’t. I was smacked with the realization that my friendship or relationship wasn’t what I thought it was. Bad on me. Bad that I spent all this time doing things with and for this person. Who seemingly doesn’t value me.
I’ve been excluded and it’s a terrible feeling. We should validate that. Not argue that the OP shouldn’t feel that because they shouldn’t expect anything. It’s just not the way human feelings go. Unfortunately.
If this had happened in my family, I would have been told that the people who got more deserved more. They would have poo pooed my feelings. And I would be hurt and bewildered because I wouldn’t have understood. I would be called that I’m too sensitive and I need to forget. Because calling people out is uncomfortable for them. That’s my reality.
And although the hurt has dimmed, I’ve never forgot. Petty of me, isn’t it? How I wish I could forget.
None of the boys are mine. My D is an only. Truly cannot even fathom what they were thinking or why they did what they did.
I don’t know enough about inheritance law (nothing actually) to even begin to understand how or why she (she’s an adult) could it would do that -
Edited to add - I sincerely doubt she would even consider it.
I am a big fan of perspective. Can be wonderful and powerful.
But following your line of thought, this site shouldn’t exist at all. How can anyone be concerned about college when other people are starving and can’t afford life saving medical treatments? And in reality, I am not sure the two groups you mention are the worst off in the US (though that can be a tricky determination). Should we be limited to the US though? I expect there are people in the Ukraine who would trade being in the US with food insecurity and no medical coverage. And in parts of the world, children reaching age 5 is a significant achievement. Doubt there is much talk about college or inheritances for them.
Its all consistent with the concept of first world problems. Pretty sure the OP would acknowledge the issue being discussed is one of them.
I apologize if my post came across as invalidating or dismissive of the OP feelings. My intention was the complete opposite and if you took it that way I didn’t convey it properly.
All I can think is that the uncle is dead, I don’t think dead people care one way or the other how others feel about them, honestly. Getting upset or disappointed only hurting yourself. Why would I want to do that to myself?
From a practical standpoint, very difficult to challenge. (And Judges are loathe to overturn what appears to be a perfectly valid will.)
We are making the vacation property a separate bequest in the will. Our older son is fine with it. He’s got more money than he knows what to do with. (Single, nerd, no expensive hobbies, no interest in home ownership, no interest in leaving California). And while the property is worth a lot, the taxes and upkeep are very high as well. I almost feel like one should leave extra money for that! Not to mention the headache that we share the property with my two brothers and five cousins.
When I read your post, I heard it in the voice of Leonard Nimoy in my head.
No problems. I thought your post was valid.
I’m sure I was projecting my experience to this dilemma.
My sibling excluded me from a family gathering that included my child that I asked to attend. When I expressed my hurt I was told that I was wrong to feel the way I did. My sibling continues to try and weaponize my child against me. It’s very hurtful and I’ve been told I’m too sensitive.
A will typically leaves the estate to different categories of people or entities in a hierarchical scheme based on who survives the testator. In the Titanic scenario mentioned above, the whole immediate family (parents and their kids, and maybe grandkids too, if there are any) dies in the same event. Who inherits the parents’ estates then? Very often it is the siblings of the parents, if there ever were any who are still living, and then the children of siblings (nieces and nephews). So, nieces and nephews are often mentioned in wills, but not as primary beneficiaries - they will only see an inheritance if a bunch of other people (closer relatives) have not survived the testator.
That sounds really horrible! I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with this and that it’s continuing within your family! Hugs to you!
@BelknapPoint, I understand that. Which is why I was a little surprised that nieces and nephews are considered if there are any living parents, siblings, children, grandchildren. But, some may also feel particularly close to a niece or nephew and may want to leave something to them. But, if there are numerous nieces and nephews and some are left out, I can see there could be hurt feelings. At the end of the day, a person can leave their money to whomever or whatever they wish, including relatives, friends, charities, etc.
I could totally see leaving more to my nephew on my father’s side than the ones on my side. He’s been with us almost every Thanksgiving and Christmas since he was born and since the pandemic started as joined us on a family Zoom call almost every week.
My brothers and I get along well, but we don’t do family nearly as well as my husband’s family does. Right now the Titanic option in our will leaves things to siblings equally.
The saying is “it’s the thought that counts,” or in this case, the lack thereof. And the uncle isn’t even around anymore to ask “why?” You’re just left to wonder and speculate. That can drive one mad.
You can’t help how you initially feel. And all feelings are valid. There are plenty of times where I logically know I shouldn’t care. It doesn’t matter. It will be fine, but yet I just do.
But what you can control is how to react later. Acknowledge the hurt. But then you get to choose how you move on from here. Being bitter takes a lot more energy than being happy. Don’t waste your life being bitter. Try to frame it as “well that was weird, but I’ll choose to remember the good times and the good person I thought he was.” It might take a little bit of time to process, but you can do it.
In my answer about leaving things to nieces and nephews, I should’ve pointed out that my siblings are both many years older than me so leaving it to siblings seemed to not make sense. Dh also is the baby of his family by years; one of his siblings already has passed so that his remaining brother and sister didn’t figure into his thinking either. The nieces and nephews made the most sense beyond charities.