@Youdon_tsay Sorry to be dense. But, I’m still a little confused. Do you and your husband not have your own children, grandchildren? Do you have a niece or nephew that you particularly want to include or might need help? Are all nieces and nephews included in your will?
No prob. Remember, this only takes effect if dh and I and the kids and spouses all die together. The absolute worst-case scenario. No grandchildren yet. So the lawyer asked what we would like to do with our estate in that situation. Because our siblings are older than us (four ranging from four to 14 years older, and we are in much better shape than they are), dh’s first thought was the nieces and nephews so if we and the kids/spouses/future grandkids all die together his money will be split between four charities and the seven nieces and nephews. My money will go to the four charities.
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I guess we will have to reconsider the titanic option. I can’t recall that we gave it much (if any) thought. Actually, once D’s disability hearing is resolved, we need to re-evaluate all our estate plans, especially in light of S’s recent engagement.
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Thanks, @Youdon_tsay . We don’t have wills but this thread is making me think we need to do that. We have pay on death or whatever that is with our 2 kids on accounts, insurance, etc., split evenly. My sister in law did ask for my H’s info a few years ago , when I think they were doing a will. They probably have a decent estate. Maybe it had to do with the “Titanic” scenario, as they have two children.
Hey, we just did ours last year for the first time so I have no judgment. But I sure feel better having done it, and the process spurred a lot of excellent conversation between dh and I and with the kids … for instance, which of them would be executor!
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I am stunned that people on here have apparently not executed wills until their children were adults! IMO, anyone with a minor child/children should have a will, regardless of wealth.
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I recently had mine done and my DD is an adult. I never really thought about it before as I am a young parent and DD is an only child. I’m glad I finally did it. DD will get everything minus a gift to my younger sibling, but I wanted to make it easy for her. And should something happen to me while she’s on the younger side, I wouldn’t want her to have immediate access to so much money.
I am not leaving anything to nieces and nephews or my older siblings and no one would think to expect that I wouldn’t leave it all to my only child even though she is financially better off than they are.
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Does your will have provisions for secondary and tertiary beneficiaries in the unlikely situation that your child and younger sibling do not survive you? This is where nieces and nephews, and other more distant relatives, come into play.
Agreed. Parents with young children should absolutely have wills, regardless of their financial situation, at the very least to designate a guardian for the children if both parents die. Don’t make a probate judge figure it out after you’re gone without leaving directions, and have it potentially become contentious.
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In the majority of cases, as with Youdon_tsay, the nieces and nephews named in the will only inherit if the closer family members (parents, siblings, children, grandchildren) are not alive to inherit.
The “Titanic situation” is really far fetched. Even both spouses going at the same time is unlikely. However it is rather common for one spouse to die and then the other before the will get rewritten. So… it is good to think through a variety of scenarios.
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I have read through this thread trying to understand why people have hurt feelings (I only get it when an elder may have been taken advantage of). I come from a family that has never really had any wealth to pass down until now in my Dad’s generation and it is a weird concept for me to think about how “fair” it is for wealth that is not mine to be inherited or that feelings that I have for someone might change due to my stake or lack of one in an inheritance.
My Dad has talked to my siblings and I about the will for his significant estate and I do believe that communication helps in these matters. But he could completely “cut me off” without any issue because it is his money and because I still don’t have any expectations, just an appreciation for what he has already done for me. Any inheritance would just a “bonus” blessing to what I have already received.
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Yes. To my DD’s children if she has any or to specified charities.
In cases like this there are so many considerations that have nothing to do with favoritism, trust or love. Did the person who received the largest share have some health issue that precluded them from work, or required expensive ongoing health care? Did one relative sacrifice (time invested, foregone career opportunities, etc.) to provide care for the deceased? Did one relative help the deceased earlier in life financially, and this distribution is payback? Who spent the most time with the deceased over the years, or helped him in the past?
I agree with earlier posts that it would have been helpful if the deceased had left a letter explaining the distribution. Sans letter, I would look to other explanations like the examples above rather than jump to the conclusion that your uncle intentionally slighted you.
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My H’s aunt didn’t have children, so she & her H named the nieces & nephews as heirs. They drafted their will about 35 years before they died. It did have to go through probate, and the judge invalidated the will. He gave the money to the couple’s brothers & sisters, instead. I guess it’s important to update wills every so often if they don’t pass things along in a manner that would be considered standard.
I live in a state that by population is ranked in the bottom fifth of all states, and yet at least several times a year I read or hear about an accident or incident (car crash, house fire, etc.) in my state that claims the lives of a married couple, and less frequently some or all of their children as well. Statistically low probability, yes, but not what I would call far-fetched. It happens, and if you are taking the time and spending the money to draft a will, an attorney would be committing malpractice not to recommend covering many different possible situations when deciding where your estate goes if certain people don’t survive you.
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For a second I thought 7 people had reacted to your post with jazz hands. You talked about your hurt feelings and 7 people react with jazz hands?!?!?
Then I saw it was hugs. Oops!
Holding onto hurt is something I try really hard to avoid. It takes a lot of negative energy to nurse long term pain. But some things hang in there no matter that we try to forget them.
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Ah yes… agree that families could all die together in car crash. I was assuming in the story was about a will written recently, for people about my age (kids long grown - in my case, one of them in another state).
Agree, if for no other reason to establish who the guardian would be for the children in the unlikely but possible event that both parents are lost at the same time.
We executed our first will when I became pregnant with our first child. We knew that after she was born, we would be very busy and it could easily get put off.
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I’m sure we were definitely remiss in not doing a will right away when he had children. We did verbally state our wishes to my sister and husband’s brother and sister, that my sister take over in the unlikely event that was needed. Just not a contentious family situation and I think H’s siblings were probably relieved as they planned families of their own. But, of course, you never know.
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