<p>you know, bankers are some of the most uninteresting individuals. really. but i actually have some funny experiences i would like to share about these dullards. these experiences come from my pleasure of meeting several employees at a certain LA based bank, which will remain unamed (houlihan):</p>
<p>so i am this uber trendy hollywood club, just kickin it. my homie from USC rolls by. he graduated and is banking his poor life away, 2nd yr analyst. i almost had to drag this guy out the office to come hang out on fri night. he brings his banker buddy. lets call him Joe. Joe is cool cat. he's from irvine, graduated form Yale. i buy a round of drinks, get him nice and tanked up, and we have great time haggling women and acting the fool. we get to talking about life and work and what not. "so joe, hows work treating you," i say. "it sucks bro," he cleverly responds. cool. a couple drinks later and things get fuzzy. i think he went home with a hooker i accidently introduced him too. anywyas, next day my USC buddy invites me to go check out the office after a nice lunch. ok. its pretty typical, though it seemed busy for mid weekend. he assures me its like this every weekend. wow. he tells me its like this hollidays too. yaa great. i ask wheres joe, i wanna know if he hooked up or not. he told me joe got chewed up by the boss b/c he didint finish his work. oops i think i know why. i gotta take a wizz. so im the urinal mid pee, all of a sudden joe (looking rather frantic) burts in. "whats up, joe." he cant tak b/c it looks like something is in his mouth, as his cheeks are sticking out real big like he has the mumps. he runs to the sink, then to a toilet, then back to the sink b/c the sink is closer, stops half way in between and barfs himself. poor chucked on his shoes. oh man. "you ok, joe." he grunts like a cavemen, in response. "ok see you later, joe." so im chatting it up witha another SC alum in the office. aparently, the office is satuarted with trojans. he tells me that an analyst a while back had to be rushed to the office b/c he couldnt feel his arm after an all nighter in the office. oh wow. next weekend my USC friend tells me that that the very person i was chatting with had to be rushed to the hospital too. his appendix inflamed and nearly blew up in his gut. he passed out at his desk, people thought he was working all night and didnt realize he was unconcious until next morning. holy cow. </p>
<p>wow, i now know what i dont want to do.</p>
<p>that was a while back. i still keep in touch with my buddy. he plans on leaving banking. he wants to start his own biz and what-not, he doesnt want to work for other people. anywyas, i banking is great, real great. powerpoint gets me off. i cant wait to become a banker. ya right, id rather be a bum.</p>
<p>hahaha what a story...don't worry I don't want to be an i-banker either they're tools anyway. Btw what club was it, I went to visit my friend in LA last weekend and we ended up going to the Spider Club. It was pretty chill although Cain & Bungalow 8 in NYC are much better.</p>
<p>spyder club is nice. i was at the ivar. i slang chronic to the doorman and my old school freind guest dj'ed there. thats how how i get in the back door, every fri. yaaaa.</p>
<p>your statement made ibanking seem like it's only for hardcore badasses, which marines are... what the hell is that supposed to mean: "im sure most of the marines can not handle their schedule"</p>
<p>and i don't care if i can't cut it. i like having a life.</p>
<p>oh kumar. dont take this the worng way when i say this, you hopeless behnchod. really, it just the truth. just learn from what i am going to say b/c i have done my research. </p>
<p>do you know what 1-3rd yr analyst work material consists of? pitchbooks and financial modeling. let me tell what these two things are, b/c they sound impressive when in reality they are not. pitchbooks are very long powerpoint presentations. thats it, nothing fancy. financial models are done through excel. thats it, nothing fancy. so you went through 4yrs of college and stressed out a 3.8 gpa while spending hrs at Barnes and Noble doing your research by reading vault guides and wetfeet press and endured 3 rounds of stressful interviews to put together powerpoint presentations and play with excel. impressive. those in the know dont really respect ibank analysts. b/c analysts arent ibankers, they are worker drones working for ibankers. ibanker associates and partners are the ones who sit down with the ceo's and the execs, discussing the structure of an IPO or the the details of an merger. not the analysts. and after 2-3 yrs as an analyst, you either get fired or jump ship. if your lucky, your bank will say "go get an MBA, and maybe after 2 yrs you can come back." so then you have to stop mid careeer at 24-26 and PAY to go back to school (b/c most of the time your bank wont front the bill) instead of advancing in your career and MAKING money, for 2 yrs. luckily, life is usually better after those 2 yrs and you wil have more optons other than banking. </p>
<p>why do you think ibankers take any major. its b/c the work isnt tehnical, any donkey with half an a$$ for a brain can work with powerpoint and excel for long hrs. dont get me started on compensation, b/c its pathetic per hr. and you wont have time to spend all that hard earned coin. are you going to go on vacation? hell no. buy a new car? ya the only place youre going to show it off is at the office parking lot. go shopping? again, no time for anything besides work. why do you think anylsts are strictly guys who come right out of college. b/c they are young, energetic, money hungry, and dumb.</p>
<p>the true bread and butter of banking is in an associate position or as partner. both of which can be obtained while bypassing the analyst dirt work. assoicates and partner cut it. they slice it and dice it. but when most poeple interested in banking think about banking they think about the analyst position that you get after school. analysts dont cut it, any monkey can be an analyst. thats just where the bulk of the work is.</p>
<p>you can make the same compenastion an analyst makes out of college doing other things, with much better per hr compensationa and with a lot less stress. like S/T or consulting or real estate speculation or accounting.</p>
<p>it's soo true.........after all, I'm thinking: why the **** did I pick an elite business school if i dont really need a biz major? 30 seconds later, i got my answer: coz ibanks recuite here, tuition is cheap...yes i made the right choice.</p>
<p>ya, fight on. really though im just trying to pass on good information, somethign i feel the internet lacks. reading back, it sound like i have something personal against bankers, which in reality i dont. really, i have a couple good banking friends, whom i try to keep in touch with. but theyre always busy, b/c of the stupid banks that they work at. and what really chaps my a$$ is when i went to an alpha kappa psi rush event (which is coed biz fraternity) a lot of the dudes were like, "ya i want to be an investment banker." then i would ask them what an ibanker analyyst does on a daily basis, and theyll be like, "derrrr uhhhhh i dunno." nice. a few actually came close and said "financial modeling", yet didnt know what financial modeling was. these are the donkeys whom when they apply and are somehow lucky enough to get an interview are shown the door 10 mins into the interview. i swear, every guy there was an aspiring banker, yet they had no idea what the job really enatiled, or would talk about it like it was the only prestigious job. no, your not saving the ****ing manatees. poorly misinformed donkeys, if you ask me. </p>
<p>my ultimate advise, and i know many would agree with this, is to DO RESEARCH. there is a saturation of career guides at Barned and Noble or Borders that you can skim to the skinny on any job. i know the USC bookstore has a whole section dedicated to just that, yours probably does too. ive been told that 80% of a getting a job is knowing what the job is, which requires research. id have to totally agree with that assesment. especially since a good majority of those who are lucky enough to get an inteview dont get calls back b/c they havent doen their research.</p>
<p>some good reads: any wet feet press publication, any vault publication (especially "schmoozing", my personal favorite b/c its entertaining), marian naficy's fast track, liars poker</p>
<p>Liar's poker is more about traders than about ibankers. Most guys out of Wharton etc go into M&A Ibanking. 80% of all traders who enter fail. If you notice only around 5-6% of Wharton grads go into S&T departments. So yes there needs to be a distinction about ibanking and trading.</p>
<p>Overall, I agree. And yes Monkey Biz is a great book</p>