I’m guessing there are three sides to this story. As I recall, SIL said she was not available the date of twin girl’s shower a while ago, and isn’t local. If I were SIL I would’ve begged them not to have a shower for me, one in my own hometown would be more than enough. I don’t enjoy showers, especially if I’m the guest of honor.
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That would be correct.
My perception would be if attending a football game instead of my sister in laws shower, that it’s a sign that they aren’t interested in a relationship with me.
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That brings up an interesting question (which I don’t believe has been answered thus far; if it has, please let me know). What has the relationship been between the girl twin and her brother’s wife so far? Were they each in the other’s bridal party? Do the twins and the spouses get together socially?
It appears that they live around 2 hours from each other, so I suspect not much. Maybe the SIL really didn’t want to spend 4 hours in the car to spend the day with her IL’s and their friends 2 weekends in a row, especially if she already had plans for the day, maybe she hoped to get out of having a shower thrown by her IL’s, maybe her MIL is insistent that her son’s baby have a shower because his twin is having a shower, and in their family they celebrate everything together (I live in a very Italian American area where this us the norm), and the SIL who is probably in her 3rd trimester can’t get behind 2 Saturday’s in a row of spending hours in the car and with her IL’s. Would the MIL been okay with her son and his wife just having the 1 shower in their town, and have their family attend that one?
Unless I have read this thread incorrectly, the mother of the twins is not at all concerned about this. It’s the OP that posted this scenerio here.
I guess I say…if it’s OK with the OPs friend, that is that.
The OP is just a family friend hearing one side. I guess I just can’t imagine wanting someone to throw me a shower 2 hours from my home that will be attended by mostly my husband’s family and their friends, no amount of diapers and onsies is worth it.
Their relationship has been good and yes they were both in each other’s wedding. They live an hour and 10 minutes apart NOT 2 hours. The boy twins wife not only wanted the shower, she asked for it.
She asked for an individual shower so it could be her special day. The girl twins family asked if it could be a dual shower since the guest list is the exact same and she said no.
She wants a special day for herself but apparently not willing to acknowledge that maybe girl twin deserves that same respect from her.
Now the girl twin is hosting and paying for her sister in laws shower while sister in law will not come to her shower at all.
She will be getting a second shower in her hometown with family and friends, so she will be the center of attention there.
My point is, if she knew that she would be unable to come to the other shower she could have said “While I would prefer my own shower, since I can’t attend the other I would be happy to do a dual shower” Dual shower was the preference of the twins family and girl twin (exact same guest list) and since they are hosting they should have the say but they honored her wishes, somehow thinking she would make the effort to attend the other one.
She wants to be special, yet is unable to acknowledge that sister in law then also deserves to have her special day.
The inference of many here that the mother in law is over bearing couldn’t be further from the truth. She has been very accommodating. The girl twin is the one who is most hurt.
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The boy twins wife sounds as my mil would say, entitled. 
I would be annoyed as the girl twin, her mom and that entire side of the family. I would know exactly who the boy twin wife was and what was important to her. What she wanted was for her and her only.
If at the age of being married and having a child, you don’t get that everything doesn’t revolve around you, then it’s really sad.
I’m sure the mom and the girl twin will make the best of the situation. But the sister in law has shown all of them exactly who she is.
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Attending a football game that you aren’t playing in isn’t being unable to attend your sister in law’s event.
It’s choosing that your time is more important than theirs.
She’s not unable, she’s not making it even a small priority.
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Op is posting on behalf of the male side of the family. It is obvious they are not thrilled about it or OP wouldn’t have known about it.
I think at some point the twin son’s family needs to decide what they are willing to do without being resentful. It’s about setting boundary and feel good about what you are doing for each other. If they feel so put out of hosting a shower for the entitled in law then they shouldn’t do it, otherwise they are just enablers of this whole situation. Either do it with a smile or don’t do it.
I personally wouldn’t host a shower for the twin sons wife if she wasn’t willing to have it with the twin daughter. I would have just given them a big check in lieu of the shower.
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I can’t even imagine going to a football game when you are so close to delivering that you’ve already had your baby shower(s).
Probably why my baby shower was held 3 weeks AFTER my daughter came home from the hospital (she was born very early and spent 13 weeks in NICU, so my friends had plenty of time to plan). The shower was one of her first outings. There were two other babies there that were about a month old and I don’t think they stole her thunder. They were both boys and outweighed her by at least double (she was way cuter).
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I have a sister in law like this. Actually she’s a soon to be former sister in law.
She always expected her husband’s side of the family (me) to attend her events. But she really can’t be bothered to attend my things. Her family obligations were much more important, no matter how small.
So that’s my perspective on where my opinion is coming from.
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First, very unfortunate the due dates are so close so this whole thing has become an issue to begin with.
The daughter in law probably has her own feelings about all this which we obviously are not hearing about. It would not be surprising that the OP’s friend would take her own daughter 's feelings into more consideration.
Is the daughter in law being selfish? Not enough info , especially since we don’t know her side and her usual way of going about life.
I don’t think of myself as a particularly selfish person but these things still stick with me many years later-
I have only 1 sibling, an older sister. Our birthdays are two days apart and we always shared a birthday cake, with my sister 's name always first.
Fast forward, my office throws a baby shower for my first baby, shared with a coworker who is having her second baby. And the cake had the coworkers name first! (probably because her first name came before mine in the alphabet). And she had the same name as my sister! I can’t believe I still remember this. Seems petty and selfish, for sure!
Best wishes for two healthy babies and good family relationships ahead!
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I had one (very small) shower with a few friends and a shared shower at work (my first baby, her second). No idea whose name was first on the cake or if there even was one because D arrived 2.5 weeks early and I missed the shower. I do know the other mom-to-be was mad because I had my baby first! I kid you not…
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That may change now.
Twin Son wife shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. And not attending twin girl’s shower? Tacky.
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You did say 90 miles, which is quite different than 70 minutes (at least here). So, mom of twins was happy to host twin boy’s shower, but even though she is resentful, twin girl decided to host the shower instead? Martyr or is something missing?
There is probably more to this story. And it might be helpful to change the thread title to get more of a response - but I’m not a fan of vague thread titles, so maybe that’s just me!
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I feel like I’m the only one reading this thread who is nonplussed by the fact that family members are hosting these showers*. I guess the old practice of friends hosting these things isn’t as prevalent now (or at least where these showers are taking place) but it seems like that would have taken care of much of the tension in this situation. No one would think the showers should be held together, and turning down attendance wouldn’t be seen necessarily as a family slight.
*I was raised with the belief that showers were never hosted by family members, that there was something unseemly about families hosting what is ultimately a naked gift grab occasion.
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