Interview in "Bad Part" of Town

Parents Forum
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<p>I think this stuff about the downside of the kid being driven to interviews and the parents being there speaks to cultural divides re: suburbs/country vs. city. Many kids at our urban high school, including my son, drive rarely or not at all, because it isn’t necessary for the vast majority of the things they do, and because parking space is too precious in the city for families to keep extra cars for the kids’ use. So it’s normal for them to get driven around to things they can’t get to on the subway. Many of them don’t even get their licenses until after they graduate (I know at least one kid from my son’s school who is now a sophomore in college and still hasn’t got her license). I have a hard time believing that admissions people are judging applicants on something that is so obviously relative to geographic and socioeconomic context.</p>

<p>As for talking with the interviewer, at most of the interviews we’ve done, we’ve all been sitting in a waiting room until the interviewer comes in to greet our son and whisk him off. Some of the interviewers have acknowledged us with a nod and a smile, some have shaken hands and introduced themselves, some have acted as if we don’t exist. At our son’s Clark interview, the interviewer actually made a point of asking us, when she and our son returned to the waiting room, if we had any questions. (We didn’t.) Again, I would be very surprised if any of this had a real impact on a kid’s admission–as long as the kid him/herself is behaving like a polite, reasonably self-confident, normal adolescent. </p>

<p>I mean, are people saying that part of the interview report would be “Came with parents–independence issues??” Really?!?</p>

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<p>OP- Young women walk around all sorts of shady places, the difference is they have the street smarts to project confidence and a "don’t mess with me "attitude. If you are not careful, your imagined dangers and fears will confine and limit your daughter’s exploration of life’s adventures. Pick your fights. Not negotiable-you will drive to town, you will park and wait for your daughter in the car during the interview, d will decide what she will wear, d will decide what she will talk about with interviewer. Negotiable- how far you will park away from the interview site, what time to get to the interview, should we eat dinner in town after the interview. IMHO, the drive back home will be a great time to discuss the interview with your daughter and not a 90 minute ride in silence and anger. Good luck.</p>

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<p>I would put “what she will talk about during the interview” on the “negotiable” list (or no list). </p>

<p>It does not make sense to make something over which the parent has no control “non-negotiable.”</p>

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<p>The long drive to an unfamiliar place, trying to find parking, etc. would make me nervous as heck right before an interview–she ought to be happy to have a ride–she doesn’t want to walk in frazzled and sweating. The interviewer isn’t going to check on how she got there. Yes it would be a negative for a parent to actually go to the interview-- So just drop her off and pick her up. I had this battle (about driving alone in unsafe areas) several times with my senior D last year. Usually ended up letting her drive downtown alone (then she would “forget” that her cell phone was off, not call me and tell me she ran into friends and they were having lunch, come back 3 hours late when I’m pacing around the house, crying, ready to call the police. . .) One time I insisted on driving her–longer distance, highway, parking issues were factors.</p>

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<p>Neither of my kids drove during their senior year in high school, so I dropped them off to any college interviews they had. I’d either stay in the car or go window shopping until the interviews were done. Seriously, no interviewer is going to think your kid is lame because a parent drove her to the interview.</p>

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<p>I didn’t drive to any interviews, they always arranged for their own public transportation. Depending on students wishes, it probably can’t hurt if when finished the students asks if parent can join them to ask a question but it can’t help either.
However I do wonder at the iffy part of town.
I wonder why an interviewer would schedule something that is unsafe?</p>

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<p>Drop off, sit in car, whatever makes you comfortable. It doesn’t matter.</p>

<p>This thread reminds me of my long ago Harvard interview. It was at the run-down house of a local teacher. In a rapidly declining neighborhood. Couple of pieces of cheap furniture. Stacks of girlie magazines everywhere. On either side of the chair were 2 foot high piles of Playboy. </p>

<p>He tried to make you feel that he was the gatekeeper but I learned over time that interviews are just interviews. Don’t wear a storm trooper uniform unless you’re in The Producers. Don’t fire up a doobie.</p>

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<p>Is this directed at me? If so, I really don’t think I deserve so much tsk tsk. </p>

<p>Yes, my kid forwarded the scheduling emails. They contained good info like campus directions and parking instructions. Further, they DID say that parents are welcome to speak to the rep at the conclusion of the student’s discussion. </p>

<p>The bizarre and inappropriate places where this happened are at Wake Forest, the ROTC office at McDaniel, Dickinson admission building, and in a local hotel lobby with Lafayette. </p>

<p>I deeply resent your tone and the implication that we are agressive, showed up univited at interviews, and “saw” our kids email as if it’s none of our business. For the record, (other than the ROTC interview) our entire parental encounter was little more than the handshake “meet n greet” type of occassion you refer to. </p>

<p>Please stop jumping to conclusions that “coming along” means violating your perception of what’s right.</p>

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<p>I think we need to distinguish between an interview on a college campus, where it’s pretty evident that the parents may be present / provided the transportation to get the kid there and consequently their presence in the admissions office waiting room might be appropriate (along with a brief handshake), and an interview that takes place in the student’s home town with an alumni interviewer, where I do think you maintain the polite fiction that the student is totally on his own even if mom’s around the corner waiting in the car.</p>

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<p>JHS, my kids bcc’ed / forwarded all their scheduling emails to me as well. That’s how we roll. It hardly seems all that different from when I bcc / forward my travel plans to my kids and family. Just an extra set of eyes on things.</p>

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<p>This is the kind of advice that you get on CC that you can’t get with a paid college counselor! :slight_smile: Thank you, Lergnom. </p>

<p>Actually, this would be great advice to give your kid right before he or she goes in for the interview. They will be expecting the “give a firm handshake, make eye contact, don’t slouch” advice–then you lay this advice on them. That should break the tension…</p>

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<p>“remind her that maturity isn’t just doing things on your own but knowing when your parents might be right.”
I love this.</p>

<p>And I agree with DougBetsy that people are jumping to conclusions regarding their perception of what’s right. I think the OP should follow her instincts when it comes to the safety of her own child. Nonnegotiable.</p>

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Do we really know it’s unsafe? Perceptions of the “iffiness” of urban neighborhoods by people who don’t live in the city or know it intimately are often quite wide of the mark. I remember that the lead singer in a band I was in almost had to quit because her husband was throwing fits about her driving to my “iffy” part of Boston for rehearsals. That’s the perception in the suburbs, because my section is part of a larger neighborhood that is the most common dateline for Boston crime stories. But my home is really in a quiet, stable area of working-to-middle-class families that sees very, very little crime. I wonder if something similar is going on here.</p>

<p>DougBetsy–it does seem like some parents around here make an absolute fetish out of being invisible in their kids’ admission process, as if they think adcoms will prefer kids who are emancipated minors or orphans at 17 (odd that this preference, if it exists, doesn’t extend to finances!). I wouldn’t worry about it. My son comes from a close-knit family. We tend to do stuff together a lot, especially important stuff, but that doesn’t mean we’re helpless without each other. If adcoms don’t get that, oh well.</p>

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<p>“I’ve done several interviews with my two daughters, one now a freshman and one just accepted for next year. In every case, the interviewer welcomed the opportunity to have me join the interview after they were finished so that they could answer my questions. It’s an expected part of the process and in no way reflects on your daughter.”</p>

<p>I’ve interviewed for my alma mater, Harvard, and parents are not desired for interviews of places like Ivies, which are interviewing the student, not the parent. Having the parent present during the interview – even right outside the door – can inhibit the student and may cause the interview to focus more on the parent than the child. Even when I was interviewed myself for Harvard and I didn’t drive, my mom dropped me off and picked me up, but didn’t go inside to meet the interviewer.</p>

<p>Many students don’t drive or they may have to share family cars, so it would be acceptable for a parent to drop of a student and then return to pick up the student. Please have the courtesy to stay close enough that the student does not have to wait more than 5 mins. for you to arrive. That could inconvenience the interviewer who may have other students waiting to be interviewed.</p>

<p>You’re the parent, so you have the power to determine your D’s transportation to the interview. I, too, wouldn’t send a kid alone to a place that I felt may be dangerous.</p>

<p>Because many interviews are conducted by alum volunteers, your D may have been lucky to get any interview at all. When my older S applied to Columbia, he had to travel 2 hours to get to the alumni interviewer. My S didn’t have a license, so my H drove him to the coffee shop meeting place and waited outside.</p>

<p>“I wonder why an interviewer would schedule something that is unsafe?”</p>

<p>I agree with others that it may not be unsafe at all. When I interviewed in Detroit, I used to schedule interviews in my office at a major corporation downtown Detroit. There may have been suburbanites who were afraid to go there because some suburban dwellers seemed to think that the entire city of Detroit was unsafe.</p>

<p>Perceptions of safety can depend greatly on what a person is used to. More than likely, the interviewer has scheduled a meeting near where s/he lives or works, so presumably the interviewer regards the place as reasonably safe.</p>

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<p>DougBetsy, I did not mean to attack you at all. I was just musing on the different social standards that seemed to apply. </p>

<p>In any event, your subsequent post makes clear that you were talking about on-campus interviews at remote (mostly) colleges, not local alumni-type interviews, which is what I was thinking about. Of course parents are often present at on-campus interviews when the college is a long way from home, and of course admissions staff people are friendly towards them and offer to answer questions (which is what they generally do when they are NOT interviewing, too). So it’s not clear there is any real difference in social expectations, either.</p>

<p>As for getting the e-mails . . . again, I did not mean to judge. It simply never occurred to me that I would see correspondence between my kids and their local interviewers, and it certainly never occurred to my kids that they should show them to me. Something with campus directions and parking information, for a trip I was taking – of course!</p>

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<p>LOL! My D’s interview was with a very preppy college and right before she went in, we were debating what her preppy name should be so she could introduce herself as “My name is XXXX, but please call me Muffy, Buffy, Bootsy, Hopsy …”</p>

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<p>I think we’re all being silly here, because the waiting room at a college admissions office is clearly meant for / designed for parents to cool their heels, read a magazine, etc. while their child gets interviewed, and social norms are such that it wouldn’t be inappropriate for an interviewer going to get the kid to introduce himself and shake hands with parents, whereas Starbucks isn’t set up explicitly to serve that purpose.</p>

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<p>It’s more than likely if your daughter drove herself she would be fine.</p>

<p>My daughter’s senior year my husband was sick, and due to long days in the hospital, I’m afraid I wasn’t overseeing her activities as closely as I normally would. She was working on a documentary for film class. At the end of the year she showed us the documentary. It was on homeless people, and was made up of footage taken in inner city areas way past iffy, and interviews with homeless folks. Her “team” was herself and two other girls, none of whom weighed over 100 pounds, all of whom were raised in an extremely safe, suburban nirvana. When I asked her how she got this footage it seems they would just drive into these areas, in her car, with sometimes both, sometimes only one of the girls, and ask. For some footage they would pretend they were filming each other, and actually film over their shoulder. </p>

<p>The documentary is amazing, and won the film festival award, including the cash prize, which the girls donated to the homeless shelter they interviewed at the most. It was my husbands last time he could see one of his daughter’s activities, and he was bursting with pride.</p>

<p>At the time she was barely 17 years old.</p>

<p>I don’t think it would be ridiculous if you drove her. But my experience tells me it wouldn’t be horrendous if you didn’t.</p>

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<p>I’m amazed at the number of people who have mentioned that their kids didn’t drive yet as seniors. It’s probably because we live in an area that is geographically very vast vs. a city environment with top notch public transportation. You pretty much have to drive everywhere here, so kids get their driver’s licenses practically on their 16th birthday. With our blessing, actually, because it gets old driving them everywhere.</p>

<p>That said, if my daughter had an interview in a dangerous area and/or we were rural and needed to go to a potentially confusing city environment, I’d have no qualms driving my daughter to the interview or riding as a passenger to ensure she found her way to the interview safe and sound.</p>

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<p>I drove my daughter to one of her interviews at a Starbucks, she went in and I went for a walk. The location was a 45 minute drive from our house (no public transportation here) and we had plans afterward. She called me when it was over to come back because the interviewer wanted to meet me. I was still a 10 minute walk away, so I had to hurry back, and after she introduced herself, she asked if I had any questions for her, which I didn’t. I was surprised by the request, but I don’t understand the very negative reactions here to an interviewer request to speak with a parent.</p>