<p>Speaking from a kid’s point of view, sometimes it isn’t SO bad to have a parent who is always trying to help.</p>
<p>My parents get mad at me if I need them to do something; for example, when I asked for some numbers in order to fill out financial aid applications, they get grumpy and start shouting. And just yesterday, when I expressed need to drop off some forms at an university (about 30 mins drive), and told them that the deadline was really close, they were extremely upset at me and screamed something about my being so unprepared. They demanded to know why I didn’t get this done sooner, and I told them that I had trouble getting some of the papers and that it would be meaningless to explain all the complications, to which they responded “fine, you better bus there yourself if you won’t even bother telling us how you messed up.”</p>
<p>This kind of response is very common whenever I ask of a “favour”. My parents have not helped me at all in the college application and selection process, nor helped me “build” my application (me being an international as well). And they certainly don’t know what goes on in my inbox. Sometimes I wish that they could say “hey, when do we need to look at those financial aid apps?” instead of “why are you scared of taking out a loan, you know that we can’t pay for you. better start looking for scholarships.”…</p>
<p>I had a similar experience when visiting an Ivy. I had made my daughter call to set up a tour of the division she was applying to and when we arrived I expected to wait in the lobby but was invited into what turned out to be an interview. I expected to mainly sit and listen but the interviewer addressed me just as often as my daughter - which turned out to be a very smart thing because she really sold me on the school and I became very willing to open my wallet for such an amazing opportunity. In reality it was a combination interview/marketing tactic that was successful in both regards!</p>
<p>On the question of email vs. phone calls to set up alumni interviews:</p>
<p>Call me old-fashioned, but when it comes to arranging interviews I like to start with a phone call. One reason is that I feel the entire application process can be so impersonal, and one of the purposes of the interview is to personalize the relationship between the applicant and the college. Many of the kids I interview have never visited the campus, and all they know about the school is what they’ve seen online or through secondhand information. That first phone call is often the first time they’ve heard a human voice connected to the college.</p>
<p>That first phone call is also step one of the interview. I tell them to dress casually, to come prepared with questions. I invite a dialogue from the beginning. Yes that can happen via email, but if I can start it with the first phone call, I will.</p>
<p>I have used email to set up interviews, but prefer the phone.</p>
<p>I am guilty of being a bit too involved in 2 of my sons’ lives, but not my 3rd. I would never go so far as some by rewriting essays or doing applications but I’m like a drill srgt giving them the list of what has to be done by what date. The 3rd son has my personality and is way ahead of me and super organized. The other 2 need a fire lit under them. All kids are different. The older 2 are gifted academics and sometimes that correlates to being a bit absent-minded in other areas. I know once they leave for college they will be thrown to the wolves so to speak but I feel in my heart they will pull it together. If I didn’t help them get organized during college app. process they would be going to community college because of missed deadlines. With that said, their colleges would have missed out on fine, albeit disorganized young men.</p>
<p>Just a suggestion. I put together a list to go over with my son. It had each school he was going to visit (flights required for several), the date we were going, the time we could arrive and time we had to leave, what the college made available on campus (info session, tour, interview, class, meeting w/dept member for major of his interest).
He then emailed and called each school to coordinate/schedule. Some admission contacts told him he needed to contact the dept to attend a class and schedule a meeting with a dept member. I did the research on the web site to get him dept contact info and had him contact them (email and call) to schedule.</p>
<p>He is very busy after school but this is important. He does have time between end of school and start of activities (sometimes only 20 mins) but he can email from school. I would have him miss a day of an activity to schedule college visits.</p>
<p>Jeez, some crazy parents in here. I mean, you guys laugh at the story, but you’re pretty bad yourselves. </p>
<p>One thing when reading this thread that I want to point out is that just because a child is messy doesn’t mean they’re disorganized. In fact, for me, being “clean” is counterproductive. For instance if I have schoolwork in multiple folders, I’ll never find it. So I keep all subjects mixed in a single folder. Or in my backpack. My room is an “absolute mess” from a parents perspective, but I would never be able to find anything if things were put in their proper order. If your child is academically gifted (and if you’re on CC, they probably at least somewhat are), chances are they know what they’re doing.</p>
<p>My parents take a very hands off approach to parenting me, and I’m glad. They’re glad to help when I do ask, though. I get home around 10pm (because of robotics) these days, so I do ask for more help than usual. For instance, I asked my dad to forward tax forms so I can do the FAFSA, and he did it in a few hours. My mom even offered me to overnight IDOC stuff after I was done with it. These kind of things are whats helpful, not constantly pestering your child and making them want to get away from you. What good is it to aggravate your child? If they don’t appreciate your help, then don’t offer it to them!</p>
<p>I got into Northwestern University ED. Sure, my dad wanted me to go somewhere else (Princeton), but he didn’t push it. Why would I go there? I don’t want to go there. And nothing that he could’ve said would have made me change my mind (not even “I won’t pay for your college tuition otherwise” because that’s just blackmail and out of principle I would go somewhere that would offer me a full or nearly full ride)</p>
<p>So helicopter parents, please pull the nearest emergency override lever. Give your kids breathing room, because chances are you’re just impeding them.</p>
<p>The discussion about cell phones in schools is amusing to me. At our high school, if a teacher even sees your phone it is an automatic suspension-- and of course they take away the phone and parents have to retrieve it. They’re allowed to have them now but they are to be kept out of sight during school hours under any and all circumstances-- ESPECIALLY during lockdown, so I don’t understand the columbine reference-- and if this rule is broken you get suspended. If someone wanted to talk to me they had to wait until I was home at 6, there was just nothing to be done about it. My sister was recently sexually assaulted at school and her phone was confiscated when she tried to call home because she saw her attacker on campus-- there are NO exceptions. Accordingly, when I was in high school my mother made any phone calls that were required to be made during business hours. Of course, she wouldn’t have had an interview for me or revised any of my essays-- my mom didn’t even know what schools I applied to. But at least in our district, if a call needs to be made during the day there is really no way around having the parent make it. We don’t even have pay phones in the halls anymore.</p>
<p>My daughter made the arrangements for her interview. We are currently living in Germany so I drove her to the interview but I had her take the lead on asking if the person we were meeting (in a cafe) was the right person. The guy said I could stay but conveniently I needed to move my car out of 20 minute parking so I beat it!</p>
<p>Coming from the point of view of a student:</p>
<p>I did all of my application work on my own. Because I live abroad and I don’t really have a counselor who is familiar with American colleges it was really hard to figure out which of the colleges are “good”. Of course every college is going to say that all of their departments are excellent, so for someone in my situation it’s hard to find out whether this is true or not. I’m glad I had my parents for this, who both went to college in the states. I would have never found out that Suffolk, one of the colleges I was interested in for a while, isn’t really strong in my areas of interest. I never would have heard about Tufts, because I was looking for schools INSIDE Boston, and this school is my top choice at the moment.
My mom proof-read my essays and my dad drove me to the SAT testing centers and did the financial aid paperwork. Other than that, I did everything on my own. If we lived in the States I could have driven to the SATs myself, and probably wouldn’t need proof-reading as much as I do.</p>
<p>I think the college application process should be completely up to the student. How else should the students learn to do this kind of stuff on their own? Are you going to call to arrange job interviews for your student after graduation? No, your child will have to do that alone. Growing up in Germany has really made me more independent than the average American student. Kids have a lot more freedom here from the start, and being used to this I am really appalled by the way some parents are still involved in their children’s lives and how much they still do for them.</p>