<p>Kids can have tunnel vision. Kids can be influenced by their peers (are they all hyper driven), by obvious external influences ( CC, USNWR, all the other media pressure) and they can be influenced by pressures we, as parents, are not even aware we are asserting. Oh, and they can be influenced by their geographic surrounding (silicon valley). </p>
<p>I don’t agree with the sentiment - just let your son figure it out. At this stage, he is still in need of guidance. DS lost his smile somewhere in the second half of Junior year. We forced him to cut back. After all was said and done he started opening up about his fellow classmates who were struggling with “mental illnesses” that frankly sounded like a reasonable response to unreasonable stress and expectations. </p>
<p>HS brackets the years of late childhood and early adulthood. IMO, we are truncating the childhood portion, the panic takes over and we run the ‘race to nowhere’.</p>
<p>If he is in danger of losing his smile, his physical or mental health then it is up to a loving and caring parent to hit the ‘stop’ button.</p>
<p>OP, Your son is ranked #1. If his parents aren’t pushing him into AP classes, then he sounds like he is self-driven, and loves the challenges of classes (that he chose to take), and all that HS has to offer. </p>
<p>Then yes, all the work in HS is worth it for him.</p>
<p>Similar to one of our friends, whose only child was a self-driven high achiever in HS (not #1), but his parents worried like you - would he burn out? No, he loved the challenge and the work. And when he applied and was accepted to Yale, he thrived there too.</p>
<p>Let your son pursue his dreams. And as other posters said, step in only if he looks like he needs help in pulling back.</p>
<p>Make sure when he applies to Harvard, he also applies to some top state universities too.</p>
<p>It is good that if it all used to come easy to him that now he has to work a bit. It is a much ruder shock to get into college and not have had the chance to develop any study habits.</p>
<p>Wanting to second the recommendation for Cal Newport’s book – He’s talking in particular about a kid who comes to the parent and says “It makes me sad that I never get to go hiking or walk in the woods anymore because I’m always studying for the Math Olympiad” when the kid is truly passionate about walking in the woods, or making art, or doing some other activity. He argues that lots of times parents will dismiss an activity that a kid enjoys because it doesn’t fit into their traditional idea of the best response to the activities blocks on the common ap. He argues that the kid who would rather do agility trials with his dog, or go camping at the state park should still do that – because colleges would view THAT as a breath of fresh air – someone who was committed to and passionate about an activity even if it’s not a traditional resume builder. (I’ve got a kid who does NO school activities – but she lifeguards ALL the time; is on a synchronized swim team and volunteers doing adapted aquatics with handicapped kids – and her grades are kind of all over the place. I’m not forcing her to do more school activities, but instead we’ll work on framing her interest in aquatics as a passion – which it is.)</p>
<p>Focus on intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. Values can be explicitly affected by the parent. </p>
<p>Deemphasize things like class rank and GPA in favor of what is interesting in classes, cooperation versus competition. There are many great SAT-optional schools so don’t let him stress over that either.</p>
<p>You, the OP/parent, should work to discourage focus on any one school or type of school. Read Loren Pope’s books on “Beyond the Ivy League” and “Colleges that Change Lives.”</p>
<p>Setting up a choice between Harvard and community college will eventually be harmful. (Is this dichotomy due to financial worries?)</p>
<p>Wait a couple of years to discuss college at all: tell your son to enjoy high school.</p>
<p>Some elite schools have many burned out, jaded or super stressed kids who lived to “get in” and then suffer emptiness once there. The focus on external approval from others, whether parents, professors or employers, continues and never satisfies.</p>
<p>The irony is, that by doing things for more authentic reasons (not taking an AP so as to be able to do music, for instance) seems to help rather than hinder admissions anyway.</p>
<p>momzie-along those lines of what not to do. I am involved with a not for profit foundation. Virtually weekly we have a parent(not their child) call and say they want help establishing a not for profit to do X. We will typically say well there is an organization in place that addresses that why don’t you work with them–after some discussion the real reason for the call becomes clear–I am trying to get my child in an elite school and working at a charity isn’t enough we need to do something bigger. So whats going on-is the child passionate about this cause, how much time are they going to have to put into this, how is this developing their academic preparation for college. You wonder if all this time and effort is put in because they really think what they are doing is improving society or is it just because they think it is necessary to get into their dream college. And who is driving this - the parent or the child.</p>
<p>This is very easy to answer! Yes, it is worth it. </p>
<p>First of all your child will do what he wants to do. You cannot force him to do his homework, study, etc. Second, all that prep work they do will make college EASIER! </p>
<p>Let me explain. My son had friends that blew off high school and literally didn’t care. All 5 of them went to state schools and guess what - they ALL DROPPED OUT within the first year! Why? Because they didn’t know how to study and were behind the learning curve. It was a huge eye opener and very sad if you ask me. They are all trying to get a job at Applebees and they can’t because of the bad economy. Have you seen the drop out rate in this country? I heard it is around 50%.</p>
<p>So definitely be proud your son cares to push himself and wants to excel. That is a trait that not all kids have. I have been told repeatedly my son is a rare exception that he is doing so well at school. That’s crazy if you ask me!!!</p>