<p>^Wonderful. Again, it’s not like I’ve gone against the grain for the past three years, disregarding my parents because “I’m gonna go to [insert college] whether they like it or not!”</p>
<p>I’ve set my sights and efforts towards my college choices for the past three years because my mom has been with me every step of the way. She’s <em>wanted</em> me to go to my dream college.</p>
<p>Wanting someone to go to their dream school and PAYING for it are two different things.</p>
<p>^True, but it’s not like she didn’t know that it was going to be $220k. She also didn’t believe we would get any need-based aid, so she wasn’t in my delusion.</p>
<p>That’s simply irresponsible and cruel to encourage something you aren’t willing to help come to fruition.</p>
<p>@Erin’s Dad
I do realize that I have no technical right to my mother’s money. That’s not what I’m talking about.</p>
<p>keel…you have a nice variety of schools on your list. Good luck to you. Something will work out and you WILL be in college next fall.</p>
<p>keellota, here’s a relevant quote from the Harvard FA website:</p>
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<p>I’ve added a bold to the word “average”, because that’s the crux of the matter. Harvard, though very generous, doesn’t automatically award huge FA to all applicants whose income is $180k or less. </p>
<p>For Princeton and the like–wait and see what acceptances you garner, and what scholarships come with. If the cost of Auburn isn’t that much different than the cost of Princeton (assuming you’re admitted), then things might look a little different.</p>
<p>@thumper1
Thanks for the encouragement </p>
<p>@SlitheyTove
Auburn will be a full ride because of my national merit status. Princeton will be full freight because of my mother’s income. It’s already pretty laid out upfront.</p>
<p>Basic education, K-12, is not only a right, in my state it’s compulsory through Grade 10, minimum.<br>
Access to education beyond high school is everywhere in this country a right. But admission to any particular 2-year or 4-year has to be earned and is clearly not a right. You earn admission to any particular institution based on your performance (and meeting that institution’s qualifications)/ And since a college education is not something essential to survival, happiness, etc., it is not in itself a right.</p>
<p>The funding for any higher education is the particular choice of the family, depending on their own values, priorities, ability to pay, and earned scholarships. Parental funding is entirely optional. (Not a right.) Plenty of parents can pay for their children’s college, and choose not to.</p>
<p>That said, in my particular family (birth and extended and my own nuclear), we consider college essential and required for our futures. Personally, I have always considered it my responsibility to maximize my children’s success in college by providing the home support and K-12 school choice that inevitably leads to college enrollment & graduation. Beyond that, they earn the continued opportunity (not right) to remain in the college’s good graces by their performance and their behavioral choices. Admission to a college does not transfer privilege to “right”; it transfers it to opportunity.</p>
<p>Having lacked ability to fund their expensive private K-12 schooling and private + public college enrollment, I nevertheless realize that financial aid (including loans) is also a privilege, not a right. A privilege for them directly, for me by extension. I continue to consider it my responsibility to provide whatever financial support I can, when I have funds, and moral & practical support when requested/needed.</p>
<p>I can’t say I think it’s a right, but I do think it’s somewhat cruel for parents to refuse to pay for at least an inexpensive public if they can easily do so and their child has shown the willingness to put in the work. I wouldn’t necessarily feel it was cruel except that the child can’t be considered an independent and will therefore be treated by schools as though the parents will contribute even when they won’t. When schools assume parents are obligated to contribute, it’s perverse for parents who can to refuse to do so.</p>
<p>^I’ve looked into declaring independence or switching custody to my other parent, who has no income. Neither are realistically possible.</p>
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<p>keellota, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to say “sorry about that” to someone who is an NMSF, but you might be a first. 
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<p>Are there other NM schools you would consider that give substantial aid, even if not a full ride? If there are others that you like better than Auburn, they are worth an application. </p>
<p>And I’d still wait to see what happens when acceptances come in. In the parenting business we like to say “pick your battles”, which is great motto for teenagers also. No point in fighting about this until and unless you have acceptance letters in hand.</p>
<p>Well if its a ‘right’ lets see you enforce your rights…
Oh?</p>
<p>That’s what I thought…its a privilege then.</p>
<p>keel…if you are a senior, it’s WAY too late to change your residency to your less wealthy parent. You would have needed to reside with THAT parent for better than 1/2 of 2010. AND for those Profile schools it wouldn’t make a speck of difference because many require the information from both the custodial parent AND the non-custodial parent (and SPOUSE).</p>
<p>I think framing it as a right or privilege narrows the focus to the entitlement to the payment for and entry to college.</p>
<p>We’ve found that family life is a complicated, unfolding, surprising process. and that if we don’t take a team approach to it, we’re doomed! We’ve always expected that our kids would go to college, which means we’ve equally expected them to succeed in school and for us to figure out how to make it happen. We all had our roles to play in helping each other meet our goals… and of course our roles as parents and children are quite different!</p>
<p>When one child was in crisis, that took precedence… and used up a lot of money. When both parents committed to lower paying public service jobs that had consequences for our children’s future education (that we didn’t completely understand then). When a parent lost a job, that delayed saving but everyone on the family team pulled together and supported each other. And again when it happened 10 years later.</p>
<p>Trust me, I am not this Pollyanna-ish IRL! But we told s1 to look at any college and not worry about cost. And when the time came to choose… and he’d lived through his dad’s 2 lay-offs, and several of s2’s crises, and 1 of mom’s 4 major surgeries… on his own he decided on the most cost effective of the options… he really liked the program… and he felt part of the family economic team and knew what it would cost…in a big picture kind of way.</p>
<p>I think maybe it was harder on ME. Sense of entitlement? <em>I</em> felt entitled to send my child to any college he could get into. I had gone to a fancy dancy college (need based, first college grad in family), so my son should be entitled) and I felt it was his RIGHT. Lucky for me that my son was more realistic and grounded, and that many years of the team family spirit had paid off. Possibly despite me!</p>
<p>I’m a high school senior. fancyfanny on page 1 brought up an “unspoken system” her Chinese best friend’s family followed, and I’m in a very similar situation. My parents have made it pretty clear what they’ll pay for: tuition for the in-state option or four years’ worth of tuition for the private-university option, provided I go to a good school. They approve of my major (I’m not positive how things would play out if I decided to go for a low-pay major with uncertain prospects, like medieval history) so that helps.</p>
<p>But the mindset I have towards any debt incurred is that it’s not just that “My parents are paying for it” or that “I’ll be paying for it” but that someone in the family (me or someone I love) will have to compromise their goals in life in order to pay that. It’s always been a given in my family that my parents would help me as much as is possible and reasonable for them (education is really big in my family) and I in turn will support and help them in their old age and retirement. It’s not an obligation, but a duty as responsible parents and as a responsible kid. I think the key thing for them is that they’re relatively well-off and they can afford to carry a little debt, whereas it will dominate my early career options and plans out of college because I have less resources to pay it off.</p>
<p>I really think it’d be selfish for me to demand that my parents pay for my college education if it meant compromising their quality of life. Realistically speaking, I don’t know if twenty years from now I’ll be in a financial position where I can fully support my parents in retirement, so it’s a bit silly to gamble their old age for me when I can take a more sensible option.</p>
<p>Interestingly enough, though, both of my parents were able to get full rides to good colleges and later on to go to grad school at little to no cost.</p>
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<p>I’ve never understood this attitude. Why the hell did they bother to get married if they’re not going to act like a family? I can understand each spouse keeping some personal cash, but the majority of the money should be family money. I’m in a second marriage myself, and we make money decisions jointly. If H told me he wasn’t going to spend a dime of his money on S’s education, I would have shown him the door.</p>
<p>I wonder how well keellota and his stepfather got along before the college funding issue came up. I get the distinct impression that the relationship was pretty hostile - “a third-party (husband of mother)” “He’s secretly been influencing her” “he has no say in the finances to my education.” Has the stepfather said whether he’s willing to contribute to keellota’s sibling’s education?</p>
<p>@Greekfire:
What a mature attitude–I’m sure your parents are very proud of you! :)</p>