Tuition: Parents' Responsibility or Students'?

Paying for College
1

Lets get into a big, heated debated with this subject because I loveee debates.

So why am I writing this thread? Well, my father was saying the other day how it’s unfair that he has to continue working in order to pay my tuition, as if there aren’t other expenses that need to be paid…

Anyway, I am a commuter student who first attended a community college. Every credit transferred to my now 4 year university. I walk a 30 min walk to a bus stop and I catch the bus to school, which bus fare is covered by tuition. A mutual fund that was started for me when I was born paid off my expenses for community college and my grandfather paid for a semester at my 4 year. So that is 3 semesters that my parents are paying for. They cumulatively make over $100,000/year, and my tuition and fees are $4,500; with books, ~$5,000 (I am paying for my books this semester by the way).

I COULD have gone away to school, but I did not think it was fair for my parents to co-sign loans when I have a university close enough to my house with a good program for what I am going for. I save money for spending cash every summer so that they do not have to give me any. All holidays/birthdays go gift-less because I want any dime they give me to go towards my education.

So there’s the background; now lets get into it.

Personally, I do think that parents have a MORAL responsibility to HELP fund their child’s education, but the student must also hold responsibility as well. I do not think that it is fair for parents to pay tuition and room/board for 4 (or more) years entirely, but each semester, they should have something to give. I mean come on now, you have 18 YEARS to save until your kids go to college… Even if you put $30 a week out of your paycheck, that is over $28,000 before your kids leave for school. For me, that would pay for my undergrad entirely with money to spare for grad school.

Now, here’s the thing: If your child chooses the really expensive private school over the way less expensive state school, then that is where parents need to put their foot down. It is YOUR money, and you should have a say in where that money will be best spent. Colleges can say all they want that prestige is like, a big deal, but it’s not. If you have a degree, someone will hire you (depending on a few factors, of course). Just do good in school and you will be okay.

Yes, I think that parents most certainly do have an obligation to pay for their child’s education PARTIALLY. Again, you guys have a long time to save for when that time comes. I know a lot of people will think “well, what if we needed that money for food, or bills, etc.?” Well, make room in your budget because it’s your KIDS EDUCATION; you’re not handing them a car or something that will not benefit their futures.

That is another thing: Don’t buy your kid’s car or spend excessive amounts of money on useless stuff; spend it on things that will help better them.

Lemme here your opinions (especially the parents :wink: )

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By the way, the whole “$30 a week” thing is considering there are two parents involved rather than one single parent. I understand that $30 can go a long way if you have a single parent trying to raise children alone

3

College payment is a gift, period.

4

No, I don’t think it is a moral obligation. I’m paying what I can for my children because I want to, not because I feel an obligation.

I always think it is funny that children think ‘only $30/wk’ is not a big deal and parents should be putting that aside for education all along. Do you know how many times in my life I didn’t have $30/wk to pay the grocery bill, never mind put $60 (two kids) into savings? Some day you’ll have children, and you will understand. I remember my mother lining up $.52 for our hot lunch money, for 6 kids, most mornings. Sometimes she just didn’t have it. It’s tough being a parent to very young kids and college seems a long time away when your first grader needs hot lunch, new shoes, a dollar for Brownie dues…

You’ve done a good job choosing an affordable education, but you could borrow the $5000 in a Stafford loan and pay it back after you graduate. It would only be about $30/wk! Or you could earn enough to pay half. Or you could sit down with your parents and talk about it. Maybe you’d learn the $5000 really is a struggle for them and why. You won’t know unless you ask.

5

There is nothing to debate; yes for some parents paying for college is a social and moral responsibility but it is not a legal responsibility (in the majority of US) and no one OWES their child a college education. Most don’t look at it as an obligation, but as GMT stated, a college education is a gift.

No one can force your parents to pay for your education or fill out the financial aid form if it is not their desire to do so.

It s not a matter of what you think is fair because at the end of the day it is their money and they are free to choose it how they please.

When it comes to college many parents follow the golden rule; s/he who has the gold makes the rules.

Consider yourself fortunate that you can attend school within commuting distance. Even if your parents should decide not to continue to pay for your school, you will be able to take federal loans in your name to cover your tuition. The great thing is when you graduate, get a job, have a family and it is time for them to go to college, you will get to do things your way.

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First, over 100k doesnt mean they can automatically afford it.

Second, I do think parents have a moral obligation to do their best to help, whatever that means in their circumstances…and some parents are bad planners, some literally have nothing to give, and some just don’t think they should pay. But since financial aid is driven by parental income, I do think they should do their best to help if they can.

In your case, borrow or pay with job income. If parents say no, the moral high ground gets you nowhere. Good luck. You sound like a good, responsible kid.

7

Well I like your post and your willingness to walk to a bus stop and save as much money as possible by attending CC and a local school, and also working to contribute to costs.

So IMHO your dad really has no reason to complain, but he might not see it that way which is unfortunate.

You utilized a gift from your grandfather and are willing to forego presents and your own car to get a college education. Kudos to you, you will go far in life.

We have always tried to do what we can and get our kids the things they need and sometimes even wants.

We are committed to helping pay for our kids’ college education as we are able.

My D is contributing by earning a full tuition scholarship with her stats, by working part time and applying for local scholarships, several of which will help pay for the first year.

In subsequent years she might have to take out some student loans, especially if her brother starts college as well.

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Thanks for the responses!

After reading them, I thought that maybe I should have been more specific in why I feel the way I do about college tuition.

If you are financially healthy in that you have money to pay your weekly/monthly/yearly expenses with money to spare (yes, take out money for leisure; you earned it after all!) then I think that putting money away for your child’s education is a moral obligation; MORAL being the key word. That does not suggest any legal responsibility.

I have lived on my own at one point. I only did so for a semester after my HS graduation. I lived with a few friends as I was subleasing for the time being. I had to manage my money to ensure that I had enough for my bills, rent and leisure, so I know it’s difficult. Adding children to that mix would be catastrophic (mind you I was making min wage).

I totally agree with the statement that college payment is a gift, however, I do think that it is the right thing to do for your kids if reasonable. I guess if we are referring to it as a “gift,” think about how you would feel while on Christmas, you gave your child nothing. There is not a “legal responsibility,” but a “moral obligation,” in my book. I hope that helps give you guys a better perspective on my thoughts.

Financial aid does calculate your need based on your parents’ salary which I personally think is wrong because it does insinuate parents being financially responsible for college. That said, where would a kid get the funds to HELP pay in the first place? Yes, working a job helps, which I did in HS too. However, can you really expect your kid to go to school while trying to save for college? How much do you really think they could save?

I’d like to emphasize the “financially healthy” part in my argument. Obviously if there is only money for food/clothing, etc, OR college savings, you choose food.

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It is first and foremost the public’s responsibility to provide reasonably priced public college options for students who should be pursuing them. In many states, the public has completely shirked this responsibility.

If tuition to the local public college is reasonable, a student can pay his own way through college. This was possible when I went to college in the early 80’s, albeit with hard work and sacrifices required. It is impossible in most places now, due to reduced public subsidies.

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How much are you paying your parents for rent, food, and utilities every month? If your figures are correct and parents could raise $28k by saving $30/week for 18 years, your parents must be at the end of their fund because providing you room and board probably costs them (and saves you) $10k/year. If you’ve lived at home for 3 years, that’s ~$30k they’ve contributed to your education. And if they’re giving you cash for your birthday and other holidays, you’re not only NOT going “gift-less,” you’re receiving additional contributions to your education.

Your parents are well with their rights to tell you to take the federal student loans to finish. You’d have a 4-year degree and only ~$15k in loans. That’s a tremendous gift.

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@austinmshauri I don’t pay for rent, food or utilities which yes, is costly for my parents. However, I made a choice to attend a university that they would not have to co-sign on thousands and thousands of dollars for. So in the event that I (possibly) defaulted on my student loans and my parents would have to pay, I sort of in a way did save them money.

I know a lot of parents may think I am being harsh cause yeah, I guess I am being harsh. However, I think it’s really harsh asking your children to pay you rent to live in their house; it’s not an apartment building. Sure, I can see contributing to groceries/utilities, but rent? They’re not going to rent my bedroom when I leave lol.

I am assuming that most people commenting are parents, so do you guys feel like your child should contribute to these things? I understand that there would be a financially responsible life lesson with this method, but these are your kids we’re talking about who are trying to build the foundation of their future career; shouldn’t you be somewhat supportive financially (at least give them a place to sleep and something to eat, jeez!) ?

But I definitely, definitely see where you are coming from @austinmshauri and your point is certainly valid. Those things are costing parents a good deal of money.

Anymore thoughts? The general consensus seems to be that parents should not have some kind of moral obligation to help contribute to an education.

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Well since my parents provided for me and my siblings until we could stand on our own feet financially I feel the same obligation to provide for my children. Because I chose to have children and love them so I want to take care of them.

Of course the are limitations. We cannot buy our children their own car, but they can use one of ours to go to school, work. Our kids have a cellphone, but not the latest and most expensive. Only my H and oldest going to college have a data plan. We are not asking them to pay rent while they are still in school, but might once they have a fulltime job if they would still live here. We buy clothing they need, but extra things they want they might have to buy with their own money.

So for me it is an obligation borne of love, because they are my children and financially dependent on me.

Once they are financially independent, I might move in with them. No, just kidding.

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We see students out here whose parents kick them out upon high school graduation. Your parents are under no “moral” obligation to pay for your education. You are lucky they will put a roof over your head. Stop kvetching.

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Sorry if it sounded like I was complaining, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about since the convo with my dad. Honestly, I feel bad about them paying my tuition at all because I am definitely aware that asking for that kind of money is a lot. It’s not that I think I deserve it in any way or think parents that don’t help are bad parents.

I just think in my own mind how I will one day save for my kids if I have any but hey, that completely depends on my financial circumstance at that time. Idk, it’s just that I think it’s a goal for every parent to get their kid into college or to help them achieve their goals whatever they may be. If you can help them pay tuition without it affecting your financial stability, then I think why not help? If my parents don’t pay, I’m not gonna be mad at them! Their money isn’t my money and they do what they want with it.

I guess I also feel like my college education has been so inexpensive that helping me a little more now wouldn’t hurt, but at the end of the day, I know that my education is entirely my financial burden

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" I guess if we are referring to it as a “gift,” think about how you would feel while on Christmas, you gave your child nothing. There is not a “legal responsibility,” but a “moral obligation,” in my book."

I feel no moral obligation to give my kids Christmas gifts. It’s become an American custom which has little to do with morals at all Many have no religious beliefs at all but give Christmas presents. I also don’t give them $5000 gifts, which is what you need. Some people DO give that much, but I don’t feel any need to do what others do.

We, as a family, value education and wanted the full sleep away experience. We chose the colleges (and costs) carefully. My kids know they have to put as much into it as they can, either by working for a salary or working for scholarships. I do the things I do best which is paperwork, researching scholarships, looking for every cent in tax benefits. In order to do the things they want at college, like join a sorority, they might have to give up something else like traveling for spring break.

You need to get on the same page as your parents. You want them to pay, they don’t seem to agree, so is there another way to get there? If it only costs $5000, can they give you the $2500 tax credit they’ll get? That way you’ll be contributing half and it will cost them nothing. You can borrow $2500/yr. But you need to communicate that to your parents. They may not know about the tax credit.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if any of us feel is an obligation to pay for college (I don’t). You have to deal with the situation you have, and they don’t feel there is an obligation.

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You’re playing a bit of both sides- saying you feel bad about them needing to pay and yet thinking there is some “moral” obligation. The real morality is about raising our kids to feel loved and secure, grounded, and to provide the creature comforts, guidance, encouragement, etc.

$30/week is a bit of reductio argument. (And still, you say you’d save for your kids’ educations, but “that completely depends on my financial circumstance at that time.” ) That 28k would be pretty quickly absorbed even by most flagships. And then what? Not to mention, so many CC kids say they feel slighted when their parents only saved enough for 4 years at a comm college or flagship. And what about a family with more than one kid?

Do you, in turn, feel “morally” obligated to set aside funds for your parents’ elder years?

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I don’t feel slighted by my parents at all. I am happy that I went to community college first because I wasn’t really sure about my major and I didn’t want to waste time and money at a 4 year if I didn’t know what I was doing yet. Since community college is an option, I don’t know why more people aren’t utilizing them. I go to a SUNY school and I commute, so college costs aren’t as expensive compared to other colleges. $28,000 would cover me entirely, but that is just my situation and I know it’s not like that for everyone.

I do think about how in the future, my parents may possibly need some kind of financial assistance. Not because they are now showing signs of a financial struggle, but just as their son, I feel that obligation. I am hoping to make enough to help cover them if need be and pay for a family of my own, but that all depends.

@twoinanddone I never go traveling for spring break or I would never ask for my parents to pay to join a fraternity. Those are things that I would fund myself if I ever wanted to do them. Not saying you shouldn’t, but I just know my parents would not pay for that stuff. My mom actually did tell me about the tax credit; I’ll have to look more into it

18

Calling/visiting your grandma regularly could be classified as a moral obligation, too, but do all grandkids do it? And what about the parents who put aside the money, but the stock market crash in 2008 ate it? Are u going to beat up on them for poor financial management?

I think u have a naive sense of entitlement.

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It can only be considered moral obligation if you have moral obligation to support them when they are old and can not take care of themselves. This is a two way street.

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You and your parents should have had the honest talk early in your senior year of high school about financial expectations. If you did, you would have known then that the combination of the college fund that grandpa’s money would only cover 4 semesters of CC and 1 semester of the four year school. Then you could have looked at alternative options (were your high school stats high enough to get a full ride merit scholarship? attend community college part time while working to earn money to pay for it to save some of the college fund? go to work and wait until age 24 to attend college as an independent student for financial aid purposes? military service, then attend college on the GI Bill benefits?).

Now, it looks like you may have to alternate school and working to earn money to pay for school, so that your last three semesters may have to be spaced out over three years or so.