<p>Hello, I was wondering whether the parents here believe that paying for a kid to go to college is a right that kids should expect or a privilege that may be arbitrarily granted.
Assuming:
The family has the money to pay for college
The kids has the grades and wants to go to college</p>
<p>My mother thinks her paying for college is a privilege, just like a car or a laptop. I think paying for college is a parental obligation, her parents did it for her and i will do it for my kids.</p>
<p>This decision is something that is made by each family. What applies to our family would not necessarily apply to others. I personally think this is a discussion each family should have. Some families will view this as their responsibility. Others will view it as something the student should earn.</p>
<p>Neither opinion is wrong…they are simply different.</p>
<p>So…to the OP…whatever your family decides…well…that is what is the answer for YOUR family.</p>
<p>NOW…if you want to know what our family thought…the education of our kids was something we felt was our responsibility AS LONG as the kids held up their end of the bargain. We had a minimum GPA requirement, and agreed to fund the four year plan only. Our kids knew up front that if they didn’t meet the GPA requirement, that we would not continue to fund their educations. SO…I guess ours was a right with strings attached.</p>
<p>The money is the parents’ money. If the parents have some values (eg. religion) that the child doesn’t measure up to, they have a right not to pay for the child’s education. For that matter, if my kids had decided to go to a major that we didn’t care for I don’t think we would have paid.</p>
<p>I agree that families will vary on this and for so many reasons. </p>
<p>H and I paid for our own, but only because our parents could not afford to (and they would have if they could have, we think). In our case, we can easily afford it, we have invested HEAVILY- time and money- in our offspring’s education for their whole lives, so for us it is unquestionable we would pay for the best college education they can receive. If they weren’t serious about school and hadn’t been all investing effort into it, we might feel differently. </p>
<p>We have other friends who will pay for tuition but kids have to find funds for the rest of the expenses and carry a particular GPA. It is what their parents had also expected of them. </p>
<p>We have no GPA requirements or anything like that. We’ve never had to make rules or tie things to overt consequences for really anything (in school or elsewhere) but our kids didn’t need it. Also we want them to focus on effort, and not worry about taking risks or difficulty classes and needing a particular number (as professors, I think we see how GPA isn’t always just a matter of hard work- it has to do with course choice, school and major norms, and even sometimes arbitrary and ridiculous standards by profs :)).</p>
<p>I agree that each family views this differently and one is not right or wrong. </p>
<p>While I suppose education is truly a privilege, in my family, it is an expectation that seems like a “given” because we value it so highly. Our parents paid for us to get an education and it is just ingrained in our value system to pay for our kids. While I know others expect their kids to pay part or all of an education, I strongly believe in the parents paying this as a gift. By the same token, I know others don’t feel this way. We do. While education is not a “right” so much that our kids are given, it is a privilege that is a “given” as part of their upbringing. There just was never a question. Just like we provide food, we provide education. While kids do not have a “right” to it, it is an expectation in our family that this is what parents do. But that is our value system and doesn’t mean that others have to do the same. I say this even though we can’t pay for education out right, but we feel obliged to do this for our kids and have never thought to do it any other way. We just feel it is part of the cost of bringing them up. Once they are out of school, they are on their own.</p>
<p>Cross posted with starbright but agree that our kids are serious about school and highly motivated and driven and perhaps if they weren’t. maybe we’d feel differently, hard to say. We also have no rules about the education with out kids but just never have had a need to set them because they have their own expectations and set high ones for themselves.</p>
<p>Saying that it is a parental obligation, is the same as the child saying “I’m entitled.” That is a very dangerous and self-serving assumption.</p>
<p>You could easily say that parents have a loose obligation to pay for in state tuition, and beyond that the rest is earned/at the discretion of the parents.</p>
<p>Yes, it varies by family, but I would certainly hope that this came up in many conversations with the kids long before senior year. Ours heard all along that “If you continue to get good grades and do your best work, we will do our best to pay for 4 years of college.” It’s not fair to spring the “I worked my way through the local college, you can too” on a child as the applications are going out - or worse, after the acceptances are in hand.
I see it as a gift. One my H and I received from our parents and have passed along to our children.</p>
<p>I don’t consider it as kids feeling “entitled.” For some families, education is one thing parents provide just like they provide food and shelter. It is a given assumption as part of the parental “job”. I realize not all feel that way. But I don’t put it in the same category as “car” where kids should not expect to be bought a car. We did buy a “kids’ car” but the kids didn’t expect it. Education they did expect as it just was a core value that never came up for discussion. It is not that they felt entitled to it as much as it just is a given that parents will pay to educate their kids in each generation in our culture or value system.</p>
<p>My parents paid for my college tuition, even though they did not approve of my eventual humanities major, and were amazed that I turned out to be able to have a rewarding career in my field. I had scholarships to cover room, board, and other living expenses. I was and am deeply grateful for the opportunity my parents provided me, and given that role model, have scrimped to save for my own kids’ college education since the day they were born. They won’t be able to attend the most expensive schools in the land, but they will be able to get a good solid start toward whatever career interests them, without incurring a ton of debt.</p>
<p>I don’t think my kids think of this family priority as an entitlement in the bad sense. My husband and I have often pointed out to them that we do not spend money the way their friends’ families do, buying them fancy clothing or cars or taking elegant vacations, because we are saving money in their college funds instead. They fully understand that our sacrifices oblige them to work hard in school in order to maximize the benefit of the gift they will be fortunate enough to receive.</p>
<p>In my family, I won’t pay if my children aren’t putting in the effort. I don’t have GPA requirement, but it’s no shocker as to who is and who isn’t making an effort. My best friend since we roomed together in college is Chinese. She said that in her culture, parents value (sometimes over-value) education and will always pay for college, even if they had to borrow money. But the kids start giving parents a portion of their income once they start working, even if they didn’t stay at home. It is part of their unspoken system. However, it remains to be seen if her kids, raised here, will do likewise when they start working. From what I see of them, I won’t be surprised, they (the kids) seem to think it’s a matter of honor to support the parents.</p>
<p>My parents are footing the full bill for my college (private, ~50k a year) and it was always understood that I could attend any school I got into. I think that rather than a privilege or right, my parents view college as a given. My not attending college was as likely as my dropping out of high school. Both of my parents attended the same prestigious university I now attend, and they view higher education as the primary route to success. While I will pay for my own post-grad education, they will fund my undergrad education without a second thought to give me the chance to focus on academics and college life.</p>
<p>we told our kids that as long as they did their share ( good grades, etc) to get in upper tiered colleges, that we could afford to pay for them to go to flagship state universities, which for California mean the UCs, and UCLA specifically (because my kids aren’t interested in UC Berkeley). If they chose elsewhere we would pay up to the cost of a UC tuition/housing. We did stress, however, that if they chose to attend a college offering merit scholarships – then we could help with graduate school later.</p>
<p>I think it is a parental obligation to help their children prepare to live purposeful, independent lives. In our family that includes college, not the most expensive college, but the college we can afford. If my children were less academically inclined the choice might have been for vocational training, or financial support while gaining on the job training. It seems to me that the most successful outcomes are the product of good parent/child collaboration in the decision and planning process.</p>
<p>I didn’t feel right having my parents pay for college. So I worked my butt off to earn both academic and athletic scholarships. Whatever those didn’t cover, I made up the difference by working and taking out a couple loans. My parents paid my way for 18 years; college was time for me to grow up and take on my own responsibilities. </p>
<p>It’s definitely a privilege and isn’t earned just once. It’s earned every single semester. If they’re paying your way, make sure you deserve it.</p>
<p>Tip: Show them your grades after each semester. If you’re too embarrassed, let it be a wake up call to start working harder.</p>
<p>“they will fund my undergrad education without a second thought”</p>
<p>They must be pretty well off if they don’t give it a second thought. Our EFC is 72K this year and we give it a second thought. Not as much about paying now, as about what that money could mean to our ravaged retirement account.</p>
<p>But then our parents didn’t pay for us. </p>
<p>I assumed college, but I never assumed $200K+, at least not until about 15 years ago.!</p>