<p>When my freshman S left for college almost 4 weeks ago he had a lot of varied interests: soccer, chorus, speech, mock trial, basketball, band, etc. When he first arrived he really liked his roommate (still does) and was doing a lot of varied activities with him like playing basketball and doing the school social functions. He was even thinking about going through rush. Then he was accepted into his school's top chorus which meets daily. Then he started socializing mainly with the kids in the choral program and is thinking about joining a music academic fraternity even though this is not his major. He chose not to go through regular rush. Should we be concerned at this stage that he's too focused on one activity or group of kids?</p>
<p>Funny, many parents would die to be in your shoes. I believe what you’ve described is “finding his people.” It’s a good thing.</p>
<p>I would be concerned if his focus on this top chorus was at the expense of his studies.</p>
<p>Kids in college don’t tend to have a gazillion EC’s like they sometimes do in high school. I agree, he has found folks with whom he has a common interest and love. That is terrific. In my experience (lots of musicians in this family), he will enjoy this and it will not interfere with his studies. Everyone needs a diversion they enjoy…he has found it.</p>
<p>Speaking as someone who was involved in a bunch of activities in HS and chorale and choir in college, there is nothing wrong with this. Most of my close friends from college with whom I still correspond are from that group. All good people. And it kept me sane.</p>
<p>Hard as it might be as a parent letting go, now is the time to start working on not being concerned about his extra-curriculars and number of friends. He is a college kid now. If he isn’t concerned (and I see no reason he should be), you shouldn’t be concerned.</p>
<p>Let your college kid find and manage his own ECs.</p>
<p>I think it’s every parent’s dream that their kid find a college crowd that they like (ideally with constructive outlets). If other things need to be dropped, that is just part of learning to prioritize.</p>
<p>H and I just want him to have a wide variety of experiences and meet a wide variety of people. Obviously, we’re having a little trouble letting go; he’s our first. But luckily we’ve only expressed our worries to each other and on CC but not to S. We’re trying to stay out it. But it doesn’t come easy after all the years of involved parenting.</p>
<p>My main EC in college was choir. I married a fellow member. We still have close friendships with folks from the choir, and we graduated 32 years ago. Neither one of us were one dimensional, but nightly rehearsals were time consuming. It was an activity we both loved. Be glad that your son has found a niche and what sounds like a great community.</p>
<p>College choruses can be very time consuming and when you spend a lot of time with one group of people you tend to develop close bonds with them. So this is pretty normal I think. Relax and let him manage his own affairs.</p>
<p>I think this is more about what you are used to in HS and what college is like. For example, my oldest D was in many heavy duty ECs in high school and very into them all. When she got to college, she was thinking of trying to still do several of these. But the commitment in college is even greater per EC than it was in HS. So, in college, for example, she was on one varsity sport team (and two years also did one club team), but the varsity sport was most of the year at college. Back in HS, for example, she was on three varsity sports teams. That simply was not possible at college. Back in HS she also studied two instruments and was in band. No time for that in college with the sport team. She had been involved in music her whole life. She used to take dance her whole life too but while she did try for one dance club in college, they only had two spots available and she did not make it, but I’m not even sure how that would have fit in. She was in some other things in college (such as UG student head of her department and later was a TA too) but not as huge of a time commitment as the sports team. My point is that here was a kid who had several very heavy committed ECs her entire life that she loved but in college, she had to narrow them down due to the time commitment. But that one team all four years of college was one major source of friends and she bonded with them and spent every weekend away in season with them. But she also had other friends from the dorm and other interests but it is also nice to belong to one group too. But it wasn’t like she was only exclusively friends with those on the team at all. She had many other college friends even though she had one huge EC and some smaller ones in college. </p>
<p>My other kid had a couple ECs in college but they were all related to performing arts. But there was a sense of belonging to her coed a capella group for four years and they were very closely bonded and still are post college. She has many other college friends not in that group but it is always nice to have one group you belong to in college. But again, she was in even more ECs in high school (my kids spent a GREAT deal of time in ECs growing up). But in college, if you are rehearsing a theater production, it is every night and weekend (she did that) and a capella group is a couple times per week. The nature of her classes were such that she was in school ALL day (intensive program unlike regular college) and so she was out from early AM until very late at night seven days per week and still had homework to do. The number of ECs were not as high as in HS but the hours were still huge. </p>
<p>College is different than HS in this way. </p>
<p>I happen to think the description you gave of your son in college is wonderful and about right from my experience having kids who have now graduated college and were heavily in ECs in HS and in college.</p>
<p>I think in college kids try things out sort of serially, rather all at the same time. Our son never played sports in high school. When he arrived on campus, he joined the first thing that was offered: a sports team! The next semester, he was smarter and waited a bit, and did something else that was more in line with his interests. It was fine.</p>
<p>OP - Nothing for you to “concerned” about at all. It’s great that he has already found his kind of people. Just be happy for him.</p>
<p>My friend’s son is in Afganistan. That’s a “concern”.</p>
<p>I would like to add its only been a month! The first month tells you nothing about the rest of the college experience. </p>
<p>There is a lot of adjustment going on. Living in a dorm, getting used to college classes and the workload, making friends and on and on. I think it’s brilliant to start off with a focus. That way the adjustment is easier and one won’t be as likely to be sideswiped by not focusing enough on studies. Absolutely no point in biting off more than one can chew. </p>
<p>As he develops his “college legs”, if he feels he needs more and has room for it, he’ll seek it out. Your son will make the experience his own. If he wants to do more he will do more. Have more faith in him! He is doing what works for him, not what works for someone else. </p>
<p>Besides, if he was doing a lot you might be worried he’s spread too thin, not making deeper relationships, not really finding his niche but skimming the surface, maybe his grades will nose dive. You see, you really can’t win! </p>
<p>Just trust he’ll figure out what works for him and have a great time and a great experience that suits him well (as he defines it). It’s all good.</p>