Do you think it’s harder for a girl who has no connections to anyone to get into a sorority, or a guy into a fraternity? I just wonder if it helps when you know people from your town or high school, etc.
… and what are the variations by region/type of fraternity/sorority?
Specific to each campus.
It is specific to each campus but i know of lots of kids at my son’s flagship U that got into top tier sororities/fraternities without knowing a sole. We also have a friend who is pledge chair for tri delta who did not know a sole at her college when she pledged and was from OOS. S is pledging SAE (not the wild group on his campus but considered a top tier frat) is OOS and knew no one at the campus. His gf was in state but didn’t know anyone at KKG (top sorority on campus) but got in. I think it is more about who you are, how you fit what the sorority or frat is looking for, and how you present yourself than anything else. BUT there are a few campuses where it is all about who you know so I have heard. A lot of the ones on S’s campus want good students because the campus is putting emphasis on the frat’s GPA. They also give scholarships to any student with a 3.5 or above!
Chances are, you or your family probably do know someone unless you plan to go out of state to a place where there is a sorority/fraternity that doesn’t have a chapter in the state where you live. That being said, if you truly don’t know anyone, then do Google searches for alumnae chapters in your area. There should be contact names and information on how you can get in touch for recs.
I live in the South. If you are planning to go to one of the large flagships, it is advisable to get (several) recs for each sorority. I think the number is usually around 3-4, but a friend was telling me that someone headed to Alabama asked her the other day for a rec and said that she needed 10 for that sorority!
@tutomom2001 as soon as I read the first paragraph in your post I guessed you were from the south. This is the type of advice my D received from several well meaning posters when she was considering a large SEC school where sororities are prominent. What many in the south don’t realize is that in other parts of the country your advice just doesn’t work. We asked all our friends and relatives, all our neighbors, and all D’s teachers and found 1 person who had been in a sorority in college - one of my husband’s cousins. We tried looking for alumni chapters and in several cases the nearest one was in New York City which is not even remotely close to where we live. At that point my D gave up and decided that since she didn’t have any recs she probably wasn’t going to be able to get in a sorority and had to evaluate attending that school in light of this.
I think it is best if you ask at the specific campus you are considering. My daughter felt strongly she wanted a college with no Greek life; ended up at a southern school with mostly northeastern students, and likely will join one of the service sororities with the highest GPA. They vary a lot.
I should add that we don’t even know what sorority reconmendations are, and certainly don’t need them for her. She also didn’t know anyone from her town or school at college
I remember reading this was an issue at Indiana U in Bloomington. The article said something about how it helped to know people from HS or having a older sister who knew people, etc.
"Alabama asked her the other day for a rec and said that she needed 10 for that sorority! "
That seems almost impossible to me. There are 2500 girls who go through rush at Alabama. I don’t think any house could deal with 25000 recommendations, and 18 house x 25000 recs?
For my national sorority (which does have a chapter at Alabama) the recommendations for the houses in the south go through the national office. If someone local asks for a rec, the local alum chapter send them to headquarters and they send off a standard rec and a checkmark is made that this person has a rec. It is sort of like a resume of what the girl has done, gpa, any work history, any clubs and activities. A girl may also have a rec from a family friend or even another girl, but that’s about it.
My daughter, who does go to a school in the south (but it is oh so different than Alabama maybe 50 girls going through rush and only 3 houses) had about 4 recommendations to one house, but that’s because her mother (me), her cousin, her godmother, and other friends of mine sent them. It was really overkill. They were thrilled to have her with or without the recommendations.
I think there are a few things that are important in the south. Many schools have a spring ‘ice water’ party (like iced tea without the tea), a sort of mini rush. This is obviously easier for instate kids to get to, but many do arrange to be on campus from OOS. Show interest by answering any emails or messages they send. If they ask for a rec, make sure to get ONE from the national office. They might have a local alum do an interview, or maybe one by skype.
But have fun. It is supposed to be fun.
It is interesting to hear about the process at different schools. In our area, many of the sororities are based on philanthropy and community service. Recommendations are not needed. There are grade point average requirements with some requiring a higher GPA than others. My quiet daughter wasn’t sure she wanted to join. She went through recruitment (strict no hazing rules) and found a welcoming group of girls that support each other and wonderful causes. Fast forward a year and she has recently been elected as an officer (shocked her parents that she was even interested!). Her roommate is in a different sorority. They both did not know someone prior. Maybe it is the laid-back environment, but she knows similar circumstances with friends at other schools. Of note, the schools are smaller 10,000 or less students with most less than 4,000 and located in PA and OH.
Looking at responses thus far, it seems to be an answer of it depends, with location and size of school possibly playing a role.
It is definitely regional, and at big flagships there are a lot of fairly big houses so the recruitment rules have to be strictly followed to prevent pure chaos. In California, most of the sororities do rush in the spring (many of the schools are quarter schools so they don’t have time in the fall). Recruitment at a school that has houses with membership of around 50-75 is going to be much different than at Alabama where houses can top 400 members.
My daughter was always interested in Greek life at her smaller school but my friend’s daughter was also going to the same school and friends said “Nope, never will join.” My friend was sadly killed just a few weeks before school started and I told my daughter to ask her daughter just to go through the recruitment process to maybe meet a new friend. She ended up joining the same house as my daughter and they have become better friends. The other girl is ‘miss sorority’; moved into the house as a freshman, has had several offices, goes to all the activities.
You never know.
Connections can help and there is good advice above on how to find recs. Another trick is to check with those you know from your high school of the opposite gender who are currently at the college in question.
The pledges of most Greek houses have friends at many other houses, both sororities and fraternities. Look for an opportunity to visit the older high school friend at college and ask to get introduced. -Open party, event weekend etc.
@PokeyJoe Does this apply to all schools with Greek life or mostly Southern schools?
@citymama9 I can’t speak to all schools in a particular region but, as to my personal knowledge, I’ve seen this type of networking as recently as this past fall at Oklahoma and Texas schools.
As a former rush captain myself, this has been going on for decades. Way back when, that was part of the function of “Round Up Weekend” at UT. Now days, I’ve seen it more with open parties and casual invitations for the sister or friend to join their college brother or friend for a football tailgate or game.
My 79 year old mother still does recs for girls interested in joining her sorority at their campus. It used to be the prestigious nice girl sorority at Auburn back in the day, but when a friend of my daughter’s was going thru rush at Vandy a few years back, she said it was known as the “slutty” sorority there! I guess time and place really do matter!
There is never a time when the #1 sorority on a campus isn’t the least desirable house on another campus. I even told my own kids (and niece) while I’d be thrilled if they picked the same house as mine, they were making their own decision based on what was in front of them - different girls, different school, different generation. It’s all different at every campus.
I have a sorority sister who was dropped by the house where her mother and grandmother were members and her sister was CURRENTLY in the house. This is really unheard of but it didn’t help her at all to know many of the members. Really was a strange situation because this girl was really very nice but I think they found her to be shy and maybe immature.
@citymama9 It really is dependent on the particular university. I can say that at my daughter’s school, a smallish northeastern university with a laidback Greek social scene, recommendation letters are definitely NOT a thing. When I asked about them last year, she said that her chapter received ONE letter of recommendation during formal rush. One out of the 120+ potential new members. So, while it’s a tradition in many places, it’s not universal.
You wouldn’t want a shy girl in your sorority. :rolls eyes:
FYI, having a shy personality wouldn’t necessarily be a problem. If the student didn’t meet enough actives who could knowledgeably vote on her though, that could possibly be a factor.