Back then I was a stereotypical Nerd. I was socially awkward, introvert; I spent my time either at the cafeteria eating alone, or at the library. I was terrible at sports, and though I was really into anime, games, and literature, it was hard for me to make friends-- I made a few, though.
Anyhow, I had more friends while in HS than in college. I don’t know why, but I want to go back to when I was in HS. College isn’t hard, but the fact that I’m friendless, my lack of motivation, and the nostalgia, makes me wish I could go back and re-do all the stuff I didn’t do.
I never thought I would say this, but I never ever went to a party or a homecoming. I never dated, or went to the movies. I was the type of person who stayed at home playing videogames with some other friend, joking about how stupid it should be to go to those events. But now, I feel so pathetic about that.
I spent so much time inside, playing games and watching anime, or reading fantasy, but now I do really wish I had more outdoor experiences.
I feel old, and more alone than ever. 2 years in college and I haven’t made any friend. I feel so awkward because of the way I speak. I never noticed that being socially isolated could drastically damage my social skills. I get down to the point that I can’t see someone in the eyes, or even talk. I get so nervous when I have to talk to someone, even when I have to ask simple questions.
I wasn’t like this before. I know I wasn’t, but now that I am I wish I could go back to the time when I felt less pathetic.
