<p>Hello everyone,
Sorry in advance for the long post this is going to be but I need to get all my thoughts/emotions out.</p>
<p>So I made absolutely no friends my first year at college and barely any acquaintances and I was so miserable at school. I believe my horrible luck contributed to my misery as I got a roommate who I had nothing in common with and just stayed in our room 24/7, and I was hoping to get a somewhat outgoing roommate to help me get out more since I am a quiet person and sometimes have trouble putting myself out there. Also, I was put in the most antisocial dorm since no one on my floor or any of the floors for that matter talked to each other except for the anime and video game loving weird kids who hung out in the common room all the time. So my living situation was the worst it could possibly be and I made no friend from that. This sucked because that's how many people meet their first college friends, and I just feel like I didn't even get the opportunity to have that chance to meet potential friends close by. I don't know why no one talked to each other but that's just the way things were. The RA's did nothing to help this situation out either.
I also joined club tennis and this is where I thought I would make my friends because sports are pretty much my only interest and I was a decent tennis player in high school, and I made many friends from my high school team. But nope. Not a single friend from this club either. Again, I don't know why but I just couldn't connect with people. It's not like I didn't talk to people there because I did, but no deep connections were formed. I feel like I'm just ignored at my school since no one seems to want to be good friends with me, and I made most of my friends in high school through acquaintances or through my friend initiating the friendship themselves because I am a quiet person who doesn't like to socialize too much. I'm not saying I don't like any socialization because I obviously need it, I just wouldn't consider myself a sociable person. I went to a school far from home hoping I would push myself out of my comfort zone and try lots of new things and make tons of friends, but the opposite has happened. SO...I'm dreading going back to college in the fall (actually summer since we start in mid august) because I don't want to leave my loving friends and family back home. At school I eat all my meals alone which really depresses me and it's just been nice to have human company again back at home by doing normal activities such as eating. I'm scared to go back and start all over again alone and being considered a loser sophomore with no friends. I am missing out on going to sporting events and other activities at school because I have no one to go with and I would like this to change this upcoming year so I can actually enjoy myself but I fear that nothing will change even if I try my hardest. I don't want to leave my family, friends and especially my dogs because they give me companionship which I severely missed at school. So yeah that's my situation...no rude comments please and I just really needed to vent here. Any advice would be nice although I'm not sure how helpful that would be.</p>
<p>Volunteer for move in to help freshmen, look at clubs, be a career peer mentor,… essentially do what you tried with tennis with other things until something clicks. Don’t do them sequentially because the first week or so are when people are most open to making connections. Maybe see if you can volunteer to help with freshman ‘get to know eachother events’. you will meet people a year behind you, but so what? and you will meet people in your own class and above who are volunteering also. Check out Student Lobby. Find organizations that need reliable people to get stuff done organizing events etc. Lots of people only want the high profile jobs.</p>
<p>It might help if we knew what college we were talking about, but that ^^ is the general idea. See if student government needs help.</p>
<p>You shouldn’t skip out on school activities and events just because you have no one to go with you. While you work on making good friends go out and just enjoy the events your school has to offer. (And honestly, sometimes it’s better to go alone; you control the schedule rather than have someone nagging you to be there at a certain time, leave at a certain time, etc). Otherwise you’re going to rely too much on others for having a good time.</p>
<p>Aso I didn’t make any lasting friends until I started to get into my major specific classes sophomore year because everybody else I only saw maybe twice a week. It takes time, and that’s okay. As long as you’re willing to meet new people I feel you’ll make the friends you want. </p>
<p>And oh yeah, dorm life didn’t do anything for me in terms of making friends, just awkward hi’s and brief lounge conversations.</p>
<p>I think keeping an open mind and readjusting your expectations could help the situation. You’re probably not going to form “deep meaningful connections” with most people you meet, and even if you do, you’re probably not going to form those relationships right away. It takes time to develop friendships, and you need to spend time with each other to develop those connections. I would recommend you keep going with tennis because if nothing else, it’s something you enjoy and it forces you to get out of your room and talk to people. Instead of waiting around for other people to initiate activities, why don’t you try to do something? I know it’s hard–I’m a shy and quiet person too, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Invite some of the people you meet to get a meal together or hang out after practice or whatever. Try different club sports or intramurals, or other activities that force you to leave your room and spend repeated time with the same people. You could get involved with a club that interests you, and try to get on a committee or go to the activities or do other things where you have to work with the same people to get something done. Something you might want to consider is getting an on campus job where you work with a lot of other students on shifts (jobs in the student center, library, or dining hall are often like this) can be a good way for you to keep busy and spend time with the same people regularly. I know several students who made many friends at their on campus jobs. If nothing else, it’ll get you out of your room and give you something to do where you talk to other people.</p>
<p>Also, keep an open mind when meeting people. Calling others “weird kids” suggests you may be putting off a bad vibe when meeting certain people, and while you may not intend to do that, others can get the impression that you’re a little judgmental. I’m not saying you are or that others think you are, but it’s something to consider. You never know who you might get along with.</p>
<p>And if may help if you stop blaming other things or people for your situation. It’s not everyone else’s responsibility to help you get friends, and your dorm situation likely didn’t have anything to do with it. Very few of the people I was still friends with as a fourth year were people I met as a first year–I think there was only one that I still regularly talked to. You can’t expect others to force you to step out of your comfort zone, especially in college when you can do pretty much whatever you want. Keep trying to put yourself in situations where you have to talk to other people, especially the same people over longer periods of time. Invite people to do things outside of tennis or a job or class or whatever. It can be hard to take that first step but it’ll never get any easier unless you do it.</p>
<p>You don’t mention which college you attend, but just about all colleges have counselors available to help students with interpersonal issues. I suggest you meet with them when you return to school.</p>
<p>@baktrax I’m not trying to blame anyone else for what happened I’m just saying my circumstances weren’t as great as I’d hope they would have been since I feel like I was deprived of some opportunities to meet people. I know it was just as much my fault for not making more of an effort. And to everyone else who commented I go to an SEC school…don’t want to be too specific. A reason I picked this school was because I thought I’d have plenty of opportunities to meet tons of new people but since greek life is huge here I feel like greeks don’t really want to associate with non-greeks. I’m not saying this applies to all greeks because many of them are friendly and definitely don’t fit into the typical greek stereotypes but in general I feel like greeks and non-greeks barely associate which isn’t good because it’s like 50% of the student body I’m not getting to interact with. Many of the greeks feel like they are better than non-greeks and therefore don’t want to associate with other students which pisses me off, but once again not all greeks are like this. And I am definitely not interested in joining greek life just to let you guys know. I just feel like the student body is so divided/cliquey here which made it hard for me to meet people and form friendships. Also, since I am out of state many people already knew people from their high schools and just stuck to them rather than look to meet new people.</p>
<p>It seems to me that you were relying heavily on others to help you make friends (roommate, RAs, etc). I think of tennis as a somewhat solitary sport – I used to play in leagues, and never felt like it was a very good avenue for making friends. You might look for ways to volunteer with events on campus – working alongside other people to plan and execute a big event can be a way to get to know people. But ultimately you need to learn to put yourself out there. If you sit down with people at lunch, but have nothing to contribute to the conversation – well, they probably aren’t going to come sit with you next time if they see you sitting alone. I’d keep trying the club and activity route, maybe try a couple of new things this year. And for heaven’s sake, just go to campus events you want to go to, don’t worry about going alone. If you see someone you know, talk with them and sit with them. If not, enjoy the event on your own.</p>
<p>I know exactly what you are going through. I truthfully encourage you to sign up with a therapist and just say that you would like to see one because you are having difficulties adjusting. I promise you it will be helpful.</p>
<p>Eating alone really sucks. It really really sucks and you feel like you’re weird because you’re all by yourself and you don’t want anyone else to see you. I’ve gone through that too many times and truthfully loved returning home. This hasn’t worked for me, but it might for you and there is no harm in trying, but take the initiative and ask people if they want to get dinner with you. If they say no, then oh well. The hardest part for me was that I would ask people to go to dinner with and they would never invite me to dinner with them. </p>