Hello everyone, thanks for opening my question. I am a high school junior aiming for higher tier schools (USC, UC Berkeley, UCLA, NYU, SUNY, etc). The problem is: I basically wasted my first two years of high school. I wasn’t proactive or ambitious. In freshman and sophomore year, I participated in no clubs or extracurricular activities except one independent fundraiser where I raised $1000. I also tried to start a community service club, but due to COVID we had to shut down shortly after our first meeting. I have been a straight A student from freshman to junior year and have taken one AP class (AP Human Geography) where I got a 4. I am a full time homeschool/independent study student. This year, I am taking two college courses from the local community college: American History and American Literature.
My situation is a bit more complicated than the normal high school student’s path. I started freshman year, but after a semester had medical leave due to severe mental health issues (schizophrenia, depression, OCD, anxiety) for the rest of the year. I then had to restart my freshman year, this time as a homeschooler because it was better for me. In this time, I was able to catch up and earn enough credits to be considered what I am now: a junior. In the meantime, I had more health issues, though this time they were physical. I was diagnosed with an undifferentiated and uncommon autoimmune disease that creates inflammation in my sacroiliac joints and bone degeneration. Both of these struggles took a substantial amount of time for recovery, and I am still dealing with depression (but it is much better). After two hard years, I finally feel motivated. I’m tired of just dreaming, and want to start doing.
Before my health issues struck, I was a very ambitious student. I was the top of my class in middle school and my lowest grade was a 97% in Algebra 1. I was the president of the middle school community service club, and we were extremely successful. I also volunteered daily to help struggling elementary school students. Additionally, I worked on a social entrepreneurship program for youth where I did a presentation to business officials. Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep up with the stress of my project and it did not succeed. I was aiming for top colleges, like Yale, Stanford, U Chicago, and U Penn. I seriously thought I could possibly become a CEO in the future or join politics and rise to Ambassador. I had such big dreams, and challenging but interesting plan for high school. And then everything fell apart.
Two years passed by without me even knowing. I failed. I wasted so much time. My dreams are practically impossible. I feel sadness and anger at myself whenever I think of who I could have become, who I wish I became. I know I can never go back and change those years or fix what went wrong. I remind myself that I still have time, but it doesn’t feel like enough. My goals are a lot different now, much to my disappointment. Now all I want is to get a good, stable career in the future so I can live happily and humbly. Now, I’m not aiming for prestigious colleges, but instead looking for a place with a close-knit community that can support me. I no longer have grandeur. But… I still have dreams of being successful and showing others and myself that I’m accomplished.
What are your thoughts? I want to get my chaotic self together this. But it seems like too little time. I wish I could just go back to when I was fourteen and restart knowing what I know now. Is it too late for me? What should I do to optimize my chances of achieving my goals? Thank you so much for your help, it means a lot to me.