LOL. I agree with this so so much. It always makes me laugh when the independence thing is brought up as a positive and an example of why BS is so great.
Just wanted to circle back and say that while I see a lot of negatives, both my kids are still at BS (they are both day students) so clearly I see the positives as well!
If you kids are both day students can you really speak to the experience boarders have?
I suspect there is some confirmation bias at play. How do you really know your kids would be so much different/worse off having done HS elsewhere? My older one did not go to BS, had really good high school experience locally in terms of education, ability to pursue ECs and having a nice group of friends. Did extremely well in the college process, and is chasing dreams there and having a blast doing it. Were there bumps on the road at times? Absolutely! But Iâd still say the kid is living best life surrounded by and taking advantage of amazing opportunities. Not leaving home till college does not seem to have caused any harm, in fact I believe it would have likely caused worse outcome as kid was definitely not ready or eager to go away back then. But you never really know, just make the best decision you can at the time.
^This is a ymmv thing.
I will be the first to admit I am an education snob. Because I knew nothing about boarding school 2.5 years ago, that translated to prioritizing college prestige.
When we started looking at bs, a big part was trying to up kiddoâs chances for getting into an âeliteâ college. But by the end of the process the main deciding factor was which school gave him the âpresentâ that he needed, not the âfutureâ. That meant rigor, sure, but for him it meant a culture that knows him, supports him, and teaches him how to be a good person and his best self academically and otherwise. I didnât even know that there were high schools that delivered all of that when I started looking. College expectations dropped lower for me as a parent because it became obvious my kid had current, fundamental needs that needed to be addressed now. College = cart before horse.
Is his bs perfect? No. But knowing now what I do, I wouldnât trade kiddoâs outstanding full-person high school education for an elite college, if that were the choice. I honestly think he has a much better shot at being a happier and more fulfilled adult because of his boarding school experience. Priceless.
Not saying all bsâs deliver that or that all lpsâs donât. Of course I still care that he get into a high end college, too. But I trust that my kid knows himself well enough that if he decides a school not on my radar is right for him, he is right. And if he doesnât get in to a dream school (if he has one), he will forge his path Just fine wherever he lands. I donât think I could say that if he went to our lps.
Confirmation bias at play here on both sides, IMO. There usually is. The reality is one never knows what could have transpired on the path not taken. Robert Frost, anyone? 
I totally agree with making the best decision at the time. One can always pull the plug if it doesnât work out. But things often donât work out as we expect, for better or worse. Try to enjoy the ride. If you find your child unhappy or if there is a huge disconnect between what you wanted and what you are getting, donât be afraid to make a change.
Confirmation bias is definitely a thing. But for my kid it was clear the local options werenât working in a big way. High school was going to be more of the same. So we are grateful to have found another option.
I know this bs is was a great choice, though, because I see the difference it has made, and he tells me all the time what it has done for him. His teachers report that he is thriving. He has great friends. All indicators are a big thumbs up.
Lol.
I see the kids, as in a large group of BS kids, at least twice a week and have a lot of insight into the daily ups and downs and whats and whys. So yes, because of my unique position and seeing the boarding kids more than their parents do, I can speak to the boarding school experience.
Agree with so much of what has already been posted above. If you are a parent from overseas or (maybe) a parent from far away, I would say that the boarding school experience has afforded our child so many new experiences and opportunities that would never have been available at home. Most evident to us, is the cultural diversity at school. Going to school and living with students from around the world has been really special. There are also many more opportunities for self-growth and reaching beyond your comfort zone at boarding school.
In defense of the Everything is Great crowd (me included for sure) we went in HYPER CAUTIOUS. We paid for the tuition insurance (year one), when the âElite Acronymâ acceptance came the message was, âYou can say, no. You donât have to goâ. And that was sincere. Even then it was, if you hate it, you can leave (immediately if it is a mental health issue) after a year, no problem.
We were not a BS family, we thought it was not for âregularâ people. But we also had a son who accomplished maybe too much in middle school and HS was going to be a repeat with the same peers (I know, different academic challenges), so we took a look.
NOW, my younger child is currently NOT looking like a fit for BS, while my older is very happy and doing quite well there. And that is OK, but it is also a probable hard conversation as a family that is coming down the road.
So we fit into both camps. The summary is to be painfully honest with your childâs ability, needs, and wants. I stand by, âbest family decision everâ but that refers to our first born. And thatâs OK because not pushing child two into the wrong fit will lead to their own success and happiness.
@one1ofeach I can say without a doubt that in our daughters case, Ivies absolutely took into account her BS rigor. She was accepted RD to 2 Ivies and her GPA at BS was around a 3.7 converted. No hook, no legacy, not a
recruited athlete, not a URM ⊠is it because she is pretty great- we like to think so. But in all reality it was a little bit like picking the winning lottery numbers- absolute chance. Many of her friends had much higher GPAâs and not as many great college options. It is crazy to blame a schools grading methodology for not gaining acceptance into an ivy when the odds are so low for all applicants.
@PrepDad2018 Our family sounds similar. However, luckily(?), our older child is the one who was not a fit for BS. Our public school and school-free Saturdays fit her well. It had its shortcomings, but was overall a good fit. I think it would be hard to go in reverse as we didnât know what we were missing in terms of facilities, small classes, dedicated college counselors and the other amenities money can apparently buy.
S/he may not know what happens at the dorms at night (though more likely to hear about anything out of the norm either from her kid or through the school grapevine) but absolutely knows way more of what goes on at school during the day, just by the function of having to pick up every evening and often having to hang around and wait. Also far more likely to attend school events and volunteer at the school. Just by the function of all of that day parents are far more likely to know what is going on with everyone, including the boarders. I often try to get the scoop from one of the day parents at the games just to see what is going on to have some things to ask my kid at the dinner after the game, because without good questions all I hear is that all is fine.
My BS senior laughed too, at the above statements. Count me among the delusional parents who think that independence at 14 is a positive. Better than a college student who is not equipped to function independently and falls apart because of a crappy roommate, subpar dining hall food, and lack of sleep.
BS is the right option for the right kid. One of my children is a day student at a local BS, the other one is a boarding student at a 100% BS. They each are exactly where they belong. Switching their settings would have been disastrous for both, though in different ways. Itâs a parentâs responsibility to know their child well enough to determine what academic, social, athletic, etc. setting would be most beneficial for their child.
@GoatMama both my kids would be fine as boarders. They are day students for ease of out of school ECs.
I donât think thereâs anything wrong with the independence but I donât think thereâs anything right either. If that makes sense. I think for a very few kids that environment saves them and for many it may not be a good idea. I just donât think itâs a huge positive or selling point - âmy 14 year old will learn independence so that they donât fall on their face in college, in 4-5 years.â Most college students donât fall on their faces. So thatâs what I mean by it makes me laugh, Itâs just part of school, not a huge reason for going.
This plus, my son especially, sleeps over fairly often so I have a good read on what overnight is like.
I disagree. In my book, independence at 14 is a huge selling point. A 14-17 year old who has learned to independely take care of their laundry, hygiene, and food needs; manage their schedule, finances, and appointments; self-advocate, interact with adults, travel independently, and problem-solve in all of the above situations stands out among their peers at age 18. This early independence promotes intellectual development, leadership, initiative, and self-confidence better than many ECs.
Some can accomplish all that without boarding schoool.
Lots of kids do their laundry at home much earlier than HS, and many BS kids use weekly laundry service, so this is totally parent-driven. NYC kids navigate public transport by 12. And kids manage their schedule and interact with adults at every HS, some may have hovering parents but most HSs keep parents at armsâ length if they can. My kidâs day school had a rule that parents could not contact the school until the student has attempted and failed to address the issue at hand. And as for finances, BS kids have credit or debit card just like other kids, often with considerably higher limits.
And if you moved out of the UMC world, lower income kids are far more likely to be in charge of both cooking and taking care of their younger siblings while in HS in addition to laundry, cleaning etc., with way more family responsibilities. Way more grown up than BS kids by the time they apply to college (if they do at all). Some real tunnel vision on this board.
I think what BS provides is a gentler on-ramp to independence. Unlike college, there are quite a few eyes on them and supports around them. They are expected to do things for themselves but are from from alone in those undertakings. The expectations and responsibilities are graduated.
Sure, some kids have a version of this st home. Some kids donât and march into their freshman year of college without missing a beat. But this was yet another thing I had not fully appreciated â that a kid might be willing to listen to â and take! - another adultâs advice (or a trusted peer) on how to manage himself in a way he would not listen to me. Or maybe I would step in sooner (bad parent) and rob him of that opportunity for growth and empowerment. In any case, for the right kid in the right place, this can be a real plus.
(Btw, my kid preferred the food at school to what came out of my kitchen. Unbelievable, I knowâŠ)