<p>There can be a tendency to hype all aspects of BS--"best school, best teachers, smartest kids, prettiest campus, happiest kids, etc..." --words like "awesome, brilliant, amazing" are used often by students/parents/schools to promote their school. </p>
<p>We maintain overall optimism, but temper our views of BS with reality--not every teacher is inspiring, the work can be overwhelming, tedious, & boring, and you will see bad behavior. </p>
<p>As the first week goes, we've discussed some of the initial realities of BS w/our daughter...and what surprises her. Some good and some bad; some significant, some not. For examples, she was surprised that everyone swears, including teachers. She was surprised by homesickness of students.</p>
<p>Please tell us some of the unexpected things you are hearing from your child after they landed at BS?</p>
<p>Interesting topic. Haven’ had that conversation “formally” yet, but I can feel he’s already a little stressed and tired sometimes (isn’t that a little too early). He’s taking 6 courses including advanced math and science and participating in one sport and the orchastral, both pretty time consuming. And he hasn’t even started getting involved in the clubs and community services. I can see how it could get overwhelming easily.</p>
<p>Although it is way too early to see any solid trends yet for my son who is attending BS this fall for the first time ever, we are pleased that (a) he overcame his severe homesickness very quickly, (b) he has made a fair number of friends in a fairly short period of time, especially in his dorm, and (c) he has found the work manageable so far, even though he is taking two AP and two honors courses. In spite of the swine flu that is sweeping through his BS, he seems to be getting more and more comfortable with his new world everytime my wife and I speak to him by phone or through Skype. We hope this current rush of good news continues.</p>
<p>toombs61, so the reality is better than your expectation? That’s good. I just talked to him. He sounds relaxed and apparently is in a good mood. I should talk to him more in the morning.</p>
<p>I have not heard from my d about any disappointments, yet. But that is part of my frustration. I feel I do not have meaningful communication with her. Before she left the plan was to skype every day. That has not happened. If I do not initiate contact there is none and it is often really brief. I didn’t expect to feel so removed from what is going on.</p>
<p>PAParent101, I think that current developments have exceeded the expectations and fears of my wife and my son. As for me, no. Because I went to a BS for four years (which were the best four years of my life), I knew that my son would or should enjoy BS.</p>
<p>My son is in his third year and has maintained that his school continues to exceed his expectations. We are continually pleased by the school and it has met our expectations (which were based on our older son’s attendance at the school).</p>
<p>One truly great thing that has helped my son and wife ease the pain of separation and create a sense of continual connection for us all has been the use of Skype daily. I assume such usage will decline soon; I know the length of our daily visits decrease each day. Still, Skype has been wonderful during these first 10 days of my son’s BS experience.</p>
<p>After thinking about the question I have to say I have been very happy with the way my d has handled herself. She is reserved, but she has stretched herself by participating in activities she would not normally participate in and by dealing with a request for a class change by herself. I had hoped boarding school would help her develop into a more independent person who is resourceful and can deal with problems on her own. I see the beginnings of that so in that sense it is meeting expectations. Now, if we could just skype or talk (for more than two minutes) daily I would be feeling much better.</p>
<p>I had heard so many times and in so many ways about how after the first year, first term, first few weeks even, so-and-so’s child was so much more mature, more independent, more grown-up. That didn’t happen with my daughter. At all.</p>
<p>I tend to agree with PhotoOp that maybe parents just want to believe in the BS magic since we sacrifice the presence of our kids for it. My child is not homesick, is making friends, engaged, not overwhelmed, and handling it all well, but I’m not convinced it is any different or better than the initial experience we would have seen at any number of local day schools for high school. I hope it gets more “wonderful” but I am re-assessing my expectations already.</p>
<p>My S also commented on the amount of swearing! He also said the football players in his dorm are really nice. That surprised him as he disliked all the players in our public school.</p>
<p>For me not knowing what he is doing and never seeming to be able to talk for more than a few minutes makes me crazy.</p>
<p>erlanger, my son was in a fine private all-boys day school the past four years. There is no question that the training he received at his old school has helped him a great deal stay with the pace of, and absorb the rigor at, his current BS. That point aside, so far we have found, however, that my son’s current co-ed BS has already been more helpful in his development than his old all-boy day school in many ways. In this regard, the BS has given him, in comparison to his old private day school, more personal attention from faculty, better quality of fellow students, enhanced social skills, keener insight and support from college advisors, broader EC’s, larger endowment and financial aid, easier access to deans and the school head, etc. So far, the BS has been a better experience for my child than his old private day school. I hope that you find soon the same or similar degrees of improvement for your child at his/her BS.</p>
<p>…a couple other realizations my daughter noted when asked:</p>
<ul>
<li>She has a very bright/talented peer group and she is no longer a star! :)</li>
<li>There is a college-like freedom–when the teacher is done, they can leave class!</li>
<li>A lot of girls cry because they are homesick (maybe boys do too, but she’s not in their dorm)</li>
<li>“Hook-ups” is a term used (negatively, but more commonly) </li>
<li>And one more…She said, “Everybody has laundry service but her” (But I think she is workin’ us this one!)</li>
</ul>
<p>Son is due to come home tomorrow to “work” a BS admissions fair in our town. The plan was for him to attend the fair and spend the remainder of the weekend at home. He abruptly changed his mind this afternoon and will only be in town long enough to do the fair, get a haircut, grab some warmer clothing and race back to campus. I’ve been sharing this water cooler anecdote all afternoon and garnered some much sought after sympathy from my colleagues. But secretly, I’m jumping for joy that he did not choose to bury himself in his old room for the weekend. Only a BS parent can truly understand how this is actually a good thing! So, to characterize our experience to date…so far, so good. Next week, however, may be another matter (<em>sigh</em>). Long distance parenting = steep learning curve.</p>
<p>I talked to my S tonight. He’s been in the mountains camping and hiking with his freshman class all week and said it was a fun time. Last week I spoke with his advisor and she said he was doing well in class, smiling and making friends, so I guess all is good.</p>
<p>My d has hit the ground running. Loves it. Classes are manageable, kids are friendly, likes her advisor. Doesn’t like the food much and the out of dorm study hall for all freshman. She is playing on a team, was picked for the tour guide club and is planning on running for class office. Oh, and she skypes me daily, usually to complain how busy she is. But at the end of the day, she is loving it.
zp</p>
<p>Well, for better or worse, it looks like my son’s homesickness has passed. Everyday, since the day my wife and I left our son at BS, we have spoken to him by phone or by skype. Well, today, after we inquired about his personal hygiene habits (e.g., daily shaving, showering, using stridex pads, etc.), he hung up on us. On the one hand, I’m glad that he is getting up on his own legs now at school; on the other hand, his mother and I will not be treated rudely by our maturing child, at least to the extent we can prevent such behavior. So, if he hangs up again on us during a phone conversation (which act, by the way, was a first ever for him), he can try and enjoy living at BS without any discretionary funds. I’ll withdraw from his BS financial account all funds immediately. As part of his maturation process, he can learn the vital physics lesson that every action has a reaction.</p>