<p>I'm writing about my grandpa and his journey to earn his college degree. He was one of the Japanese Americans interned during World War 2. In 1942, he was a freshmen at UCLA and was forced to go to an internment camp. I wrote about how his perseverance has inspired me in my academic and personal goals. I also wrote about how his experience reminds me that America, despite our rights and liberties, makes mistakes and we need to examine our policies to make sure we are protecting the rights/liberties the nation was founded on.</p>
<p>My family and my english teacher think it's good but I'm not sure if it answers the common app question. Is it too impersonal? Is it bad that I don't write a narrative about a personal experience i had and how it shaped me?</p>
<p>Thanks.</p>
<p>These are the schools I'm applying to:</p>
<p>Stanford
Cornell
Penn
RPI
CMU
Rice
Wash U
Michigan
Johns Hopkins</p>
<p>Well, I mean, it says you can pick any topic you want. The only advice I would give (and this is passed along from the English teacher who basically held my hand while I wrote mine) is to concentrate on one topic. It’ll be stronger (especially given the 500 word limit) if you stick to one portion of that, rather than trying to bring in two.</p>
<p>If I may make a suggestion, I like the essay topic a lot actually. I think it’s very unique to you. But I would stick to only writing his search for a college education and about how his perseverance has inspired you in your academic and personal goals. The reason I say this is because it could get a little too crowded with the America extras.</p>
<p>Also, you’re trying to get yourself into college, not your grandfather. Remember that the essay should be focused on you, not him. Maybe look at some of these Hopkins ones for a way to make it more about you! Good luck!</p>
<p>I really liked the topic. But beware that through this essay , colleges want to know more about YOU and not about your grandfather. So if you can manage to relate your grandfather’s experience to you in a really impressive way then go for it.</p>
<p>Though the general advice is “it’s your app, not his,” it sounds like you are trying to personalize it. You want to be sure that you quickly establish that your closeness to him and his experience had an impact on you- NOT spend a para detailing his experiences. You can always interweave his experiences as you move through. Done right, this sounds interesting. Just catch the adcoms’ interest early, the adcoms’ interest in YOU.</p>
<p>Also, remember that it should be “show not tell.” Not details of this happened and then he did that and I’m impressed and I think…</p>
<p>Why not describe him as one of those people who have influenced you and talk about his influences on you. I mean if that is not what you meant by your earlier statements. Just my opinion though.</p>