Ok so this essay is pretty rough as of now, but I was hoping you could look over its main points and let me know if there is anything I should elaborate on or take out. Here it is:
I had just turned thirteen, and my stomach knotted up in hunger. It had been a few months since my step-dad lost his job and my mom took a massive pay cut. I knew my parents weren’t going to the grocery, and I knew my little sisters, brother, and I would stay hungry. So I decided to cut up a few pieces of paper into four squares to make business cards. I put my name, my home phone, and wrote “Mommy’s Helper.” I went door-to-door passing out these little cards, and I pinned a few up on the grocery store bulletin board. The next day, I got a call from a mom down the street who was going to let me watch her son while she gardened. After two and half hours, I had $15. I walked to corner store with my sister Claudia, who was eight at the time and is the next oldest child after me. We bought a bag of Lays, a pack of Oreos, and a few candy bars. Not the most nutritious meal, but for the first time in a long time, my siblings weren’t hungry. I wasn’t hungry.
The babysitting jobs wouldn’t be an everyday thing, but the hunger is, so I did whatever I could to continue to make money. I went house to house offering to water plants for two dollars or to sweep drive ways and patios for five dollars. I was the reason my brother and sisters ate.
Once I turned fifteen, my siblings needed more than just food; so, I got a real job at the only place that would hire a fifteen year old: the swim club. At this point, I maybe saw my mom once a week. She would come home, go straight to the back porch, and have a drink to relax. I could tell my mom wanted to help us, but she couldn’t. She was worn out. Money was the tightest it had ever been, and my parent’s marriage was in shambles. My mom and step dad had separated, but financial reasons forced him to move back in. My siblings and I witnessed their fights every night, and they finally agreed to live separate lives. The arrangement is why my dad works a low-paying night factory job and why my mom isn’t home until nine at night; they would rather not be in the house at the same time than take jobs that would benefit our family the most.
I had to start getting more and more jobs so that we could afford my siblings’ soccer and school. This summer I made over $600 dollars a week, working 60+ hours, but most of that isn’t spent on typical teenage commodities. It is spent on food, school fees, house payments, and cell phone bills. It is spent on those that I love, which far surpasses any pleasure of splurging on clothes or a Friday night movie.
Most teenagers would consider supporting three kids to be a burden, but it has been a blessing. The situation with my family has led me to develop a deep understanding of empathy, making me a great mentor to the kids that I visit weekly at a local homeless shelter and elementary school. It turned me into a leader, not only in my family but also in the community and my school, where I hold more officer positions than other student. The determination that motivated me to start working at 13 in order to help feed my family carried over into my schoolwork, where I once suffered from dyslexia, had an IEP, and received only C’s and D’s, but through that learned determination, I worked my way up to the top of my class through endless hours of difficult reading and challenging math problems. My situation is why I have matured into the compassionate and driven leader that I am today.