Is this essay worth a 12?

<p>I was wondering if this essay deserves a 12. Looking back at it now, I don't think it's that great.</p>

<p>Here's the prompt,</p>

<p>Many people think that success is impossible without help and support from others. They believe that even the strongest and most successful leaders need advisers to define their goals, and followers to carry out their plans. Real success, however, cannot be claimed by those who need others to solve their problems and help them confront obstacles. Only those whose accomplishments are truly their own can claim to be successful.</p>

<p>Assignment:</p>

<p>Is real success achieved only by people who accomplish goals and solve problems on their own? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>MY ESSAY:</p>

<p>People always praise the people who have worked on a problem on their own without outside help. This belief is misguided. People often take a simplistic view; they think when a person has accomplished something by his own, he must have extensive knowledge. When a group accomplishes a project, people think that they have little talent because they need each other’s help. But working in groups leads to real success.</p>

<p>In Kim Yong-Moo’s “Groups”, a young girl, Nicole, is a reclusive girl who wants to do everything on her own. She thinks that getting help from others is “childish”, and she mocks those who choose to rely on others. When she is assigned a project, she chooses to work on the own, even when the teacher encourages her to work with others. Because of this need to accomplish everything herself, she often turns in poorly done work. Because her parents demand she get straight A’s, she is often stressed working out every detail on her own. She continues to work this way until she gets mediocre grades at the end of the school semester. Her parents become outraged and ostracise her severely. She is beaten, tortured, until she begins to see no hope for herself. Because of her desire to be perceived as a strong person by doing everything herself, she despairs and commits suicide.</p>

<p>My friend, Joseph, is very similar to Nicole. When he first enrolled in my school, he tried to do everything himself, not because he wanted to be perceived as a strong person, but because he didn’t want to be a burden on everyone by having them research facts for him. So when my teacher gave us assignments, he became very stressed from running from library to library to make his work the best in our class. But when he ended up with an average grade, he began to question his belief. Seizing the opportunity, my fellow classmates and I assured him that because we are in the same class together, we must help and guide one another. He soon began to see the error of his ways and began to accept help. Once he did, he became happier and got straight A’s.</p>

<p>That is why success is achieved only when someone chooses to work with others. Everyone has their faults, so by working together, the members of the group can help do a certain thing when another is unable to. Real success is achieved when people work together.</p>

<p>I changed the names of the author and the characters,, but the essay above is exactly how I wrote it. I filled two pages with medium-sized handwriting.</p>

<p>It’s probably like a 7</p>

<p>I don’t think it would be a 12, personal examples aren’t all too strong, and for the most part neither are these</p>

<p>Its relatively well written though, so I think a 7 would be way too harsh, but probably about a 9</p>

<p>Well, thanks for the replies! I got a 12 on this essay, so your opinions don’t really matter anymore. I was just asking for fun.</p>

<p>^ yankees, I think every standardized test essay I’ve ever written was better than this (not to be mean, but I’m at least a decent writer), and I ALWAYS get 8s! This essay has no real examples (one of them is almost like a fictional story), no structure, and no firm grasp on advanced diction/syntax. If I were an essay grader, I’d give it a 3, but I’m going to be optimistic and say the other grader gave it a 4, which totals a 7.</p>

<p>Well, you guys aren’t professional essay graders, so your opinions don’t matter anymore. But thanks for the feedback!</p>

<p>Also, many essays that I’ve read didn’t really use big words. I found these essays in the online solutions for the BB. One essay used one example, and the words weren’t difficult at all. So, the fact that you have to use big words is just a myth.</p>

<p>Wait did it seriously get a 12? Haha I’m sorry!</p>

<p>Yes, it did get a 12. Big words aren’t necessary for a 12, and perhaps my readers were very kind. </p>

<p>@liv4physicz: Did you get an 8 on your essay? I think your essay was so complicated that a foolish essay reader simply couldn’t comprehend such high levels of talent. Darn them.</p>

<p>Haha is that sarcastic?</p>

<p>I only get 8s. I’ve taken two ACTs and two SATs, and although I tend to write a ton on actual real English-class papers (when time isn’t an issue), I never have time to write a ton on the essay sections of standardized tests. I’m a pretty good writer, and I think I do a good job on the tests, but I just don’t write enough. Next test, I’m going to take some advice from people on here and just BS it, make it as long as possible, and add in random, made-up, relevant statistics! Hahaha</p>

<p>If random, made-up, relevant statistics make the graders give you a 12, then you do it. Why question it? </p>

<p>Good luck next time! With your levels of talent, I’m sure you’ll think of great random, made-up, relevant statistics to get a 12.</p>

<p>This isn’t sarcastic by the way; I give you a compliment and you say it’s sarcastic?</p>

<p>Is the 1st example completely made up (“Groups”)?</p>

<p>Yes. Why do you ask?</p>