Can somebody grade my essay pleas?

<p>The prompt was</p>

<p>"Is real success achieved only by people who accomplish goals and solve problems on their own?"</p>

<p>My essay:
Two heads are better than one. This proberb describes it all: real success can be achieved better when we work with others as a team than when we try to solve a problem alone. When we work in a team, there is a greater chance of success for two reasons; we are able to think in more various perspectives and we are less likely to make mistakes.
To begin with, working in a team broadens our perspectives. Each person has different life experiences and perspectives. Thus, when we work as a group, we are able to tackle issues in many different perspectives. Consider the case of William Golding's novel, "Lord of the Flies." In the novel Ralph, one of the two leaders of deserted boys, is generally considered as an ideal leader. One reason for this is that he, unlike Jack, always discusses matters with other kids through meetings and tackles problems together as a team. As a result of the meetings and cooperation with other kids, Ralph is able to come up with very effective solutions to get rescued from the island. For example, in the meeting Piggy suggests making a fire on top of the mountain so that ships or airplanes passing by can locate them. If Ralph had determined everything himself, as Jack did, he would never have come up with this solutions and never be rescued from the island.
Moreover, working toether reduces mistakes. When we work in a group, others can double-check my works and this would decrease the chance of making mistakes. Take NASA as an example. Scientists and engineers of NASA successfully sends rockets and satellites to moons and various places in the universe. Slightest mistakes on their calculations can bungle the whole project but they rarely make mistakes. Why? Not only because they are professionals, but also because they work in a team. For a single space project, hundreds, or even thousands of scientists and engineers toils over checking and doublechecking each others work. If the calculation was done by a single man, not only it would take a long time, but also there would be many mistakes, resulting in a failure.
In conclusion, working with other people holds greater chance of success. Not only it enables people to think in more diverse perspective, but also it reduces the chance of mistake.</p>

<p>I know my english is awkward cuz i am a non-native english speaker :)</p>

<p>but please be harsh on me and give me some comments along with expected essay scores! Thank you!</p>

<p>pleaz somebody help me!!</p>