Is this opening sentence for my admission essay grammatically correct?

College Essays
1

<p>This is the sentence (well two sentences actually):</p>

<p>"Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to warplanes dropping bombs next to you. This was a reality for me; Me and my family were at the wrong place at the wrong time."</p>

<p>Do you guys think that it would catch an admission guys attention? Or should I think of something better? Thanks!</p>

2

<p>My family and I</p>

3

<p>Or better, “my family and I.” The first word following a semicolon isn’t the first word in a sentence, so isn’t capitalized.</p>