<p>^^^</p>
<p>Agreed!</p>
<p>And it sounds like she got married, her H was in a funded PhD program and was also willing to live the very frugal life (no car, biking for transportation, etc).</p>
<p>So, any update? What did your daughter decide Yensidtlaw? If she chose Villanova, how are you going to pay for it? If not, what was the rationale?</p>
<p>Iâm betting that sheâs going to Nova. she wants it, mom wants it, and dad wants peace in the family. If thatâs the choice, then I hope dad (and mom) are paying the full boat.</p>
<p>I donât think I had any control over âdream schoolâ thinking with my kids. I didnât agree with any of their choices, but it was up to them once the schools were on the list. I think Villanova was the âdream schoolâ of my current college kidâs list but he had other ideas. Not much controlling of the emotional process. Itâs just that when it comes down to making the choice, one should have the common and financial sense to make an affordable and reasonable decision that could go against the heart. I remember comforting a friend of mine who had to tell her daughter she had to stay home and commute because the girlâs eating disorders were not at a stage where going away to some highly selective school was a wise decision. Parent whose expenses had risen, job prospects looked shakey and investments had tanked having to take a hard look and make some hard choices in terms of saying what is affordable now. Doesnât mean a dream school wasnât in the picture. </p>
<p>Can we retire âdream schoolâ? In my real life I find it so sad that kids who have their entire lives ahead of them, sometimes (more frequently since the recession began) trundle off to a fabulous college to launch an exciting intellectual venture, and see it as some sort of booby prize because they didnât get into âDream Schoolâ or parents couldnât afford âDream Schoolâ or real life intervened somehow.</p>
<p>There is no dream school. And if you donât believe me, try pulling up all the old threads from parents in October and November who post that their kid headed off to âDream schoolâ and is now so miserable that the parents are thinking of encouraging the kid to take a semesterâs worth of incompletes to come home, or is transferring, or is about to flunk all their mid-terms.</p>
<p>We all perpetuate this nonsense with our kids. We can stop it. Did anyone who went to college in the 1960âs and 1970âs hear any of this verbiage when we left home?</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>Very true, especially when kids are picking âDream Schoolsâ based on reasons such as, âitâs the school that others mention is the best (ie Harvard)â or âthe school has my favorite sports teamâ or some other nonsense. </p>
<p>I still remember one of sonâs classmates who applied to all reach schools except for on safety. She only got into her safety and kept referring to it as the Booby Prize. She went and thrived (thankfully). </p>
<p>Very interesting but very frustrating thread. OP you confuse me. First you say that you can âaffordâ VU and just want opinions on whether it is âworthâ the difference in tuition than what is being offered by other schools. Then you go on to talk about re-financing and dipping into retirement funds. Then you are handing loan paperwork over to your daughter. There is some vague reference to helping her with those payments. What? My definition of âaffordingâ a college is being able to write the check for whatever balance is due after merit and financial aid is taken into account. Loans are another story and mean you cannot âaffordâ it but are willing to borrow after analyzing the returns.</p>
<p>There also is an inflexibility here that could be part of the problem. You say D HAS to have a residential experience, even though it would make VU substantially more affordable if she didnât. Sometimes giving a little is the best solution especially if it would mean substantially less debt.</p>
<p>I certainly understand your desire to make your D happy, especially since it seems the ball was dropped in the application process. As many posters pointed out, with your Dâs stats there were many other possible options. But the real problem here is this: âTruth is I never looked at the price of the schools my kid pickedâ. So rather than asking is VU âworthâ it, I would be asking myself who should bear the financial responsibility for the situation you now find yourself in? It is clear everyone wants D to attend VU. I would find a way to write the check.</p>
<p>I worry that âdream schoolsâ are followed by âdream careerâ and âdream manâ and âdream wedding.â</p>
<p>Dream House. Dream Car. Dream wardrobe. Dream vacation. So much for packing up the car for a couple of days at the beach, playing mini-golf at night!!!</p>
<p>For my son in particular, his school turned out to be the dream school for him â AFTER he was in it, and got a chance to really savor and take advantage of the opportunities afforded him. Thatâs even a better ending!</p>
<p><<<<
Very interesting but very frustrating thread. OP you confuse me. First you say that you can âaffordâ VU and just want opinions on whether it is âworthâ the difference in tuition than what is being offered by other schools. Then you go on to talk about re-financing and dipping into retirement funds. Then you are handing loan paperwork over to your daughter. There is some vague reference to helping her with those payments. What? My definition of âaffordingâ a college is being able to write the check for whatever balance is due after merit and financial aid is taken into account. Loans are another story and mean you cannot âaffordâ it but are willing to borrow after analyzing the returns.
<<<<</p>
<p>Totally agree.</p>
<p>And where is it written that because our kids âhave a dreamâ (college, car, wedding, etc) they are supposed to get that dreamâŠotherwise they just wonât be happy.</p>
<p>My MIL seemed to a subscribed to that thinking. If her kids wanted/begged for something, she got it for them. Cost was never part of the formula. Then she wondered why she was always broke. AndâŠshe never learned. Her motto still is, âwhatever makes you happyâ. (she raised some very spoiled kids.)</p>
<p>No. People dream. I dream. Kids dream. I have little control over whether my kid picks a school and fixates on it. I certainly did not pick my kids âdreamâ schools. Now granted, for my kids, none of them were so firmly entrenched in their desires, that it would have been much of an issue had they been denied or we couldnât pay for it. But, yes, they had their favorites, and in the case of the last two, they had one school that they were particularly wanting, and the term âdream schoolsâ did come up. A lot of other terms they use are higher on my list as to phrases that Iâd like to eliminate.</p>
<p>Hey âdreamsâ are great, they provide motivation. But they are only great if accept them for what they are. You must be prepared to weather the disappointment if you cannot afford them or they are unattainable for other reasons.</p>
<p>I am sure that D is excited about Villanova. Kudos to her for having so many college choices. However, I vote no for Villanova. It is amazing what an emotional rollercoaster high school seniors are put through. The emotional excitement can disappear with a lousy roommate or a low grade. Perhaps she can visit one of the other schools again and increase her interest.</p>
<p>HarvestMoon, I do think that a judicious amount of parental borrowing can fall within the bound of âaffordingâ a school. Especially for those whose income has risen significantly, who were not able to put by as much as they might have liked to in leaner years, but who now can afford something like a <em>reasonable</em> HELOC to come up with another X thousand now. (And before anyone starts in with a lecture about the dangers of HELOCs and underwater mortgages and so on, I deliberately used the words âjudiciousâ and âreasonableâ to indicate that this is a person who has plenty of equity and a realistic mortgage on a house that has held its value. They do exist.) </p>
<p>Forgot about this thread! I think OP will spring for Villanova, although I donât think thatâs the financially sound decision to make. OP last checked in on Feb 28, so I believe she is monitoring the responses in this thread.</p>
<p>^^^
OP is the dad, I believe.</p>
<p>I wish she had applied to Elon- dream school and 20% less $ than 'Nova. Although I love VU, I also love St Joes- wholesome environment. Many of the kids go there b/c of merit money awards consequently you have a bit more socioeconomic diversity. More down to earth. I know several âhappy customersâ at SJU. You could bribe your D with a few enticements to follow the $$ - help with a spring break trip, a promise of no loans, a used car for junior year⊠Sheâs still responsible for spending her own spending money, purchase of books but life is a bit sweeter. </p>
<p>^^I very much agree with livesinnewjersey about Elon and St. Joeâs.</p>
<p>Something thatâs been bothering me for some time on CC has been illustrated in this thread and that is the notion that somehow, if you really, really, love your child, you will throw caution to the wind and do âwhatever it takesâ to make their dream come true. I also think that OP will end up sending his D to Villanova and will borrow against retirement or the house or whatever to pay for that. Thatâs fine and thatâs the business of this family, although anyone who comes to CC and asks for advice should be ready for some frank responses and some criticism (constructive, or otherwise).</p>
<p>Whatâs really beginning to bug me is the idea that parents who pull out all the stops to pay any amount to make their teen âhappyâ by taking on a financial commitment that sometimes can equal or exceed a 30 year mortgage is doing so because they think that doing so means that they love their children too much to deny them something so very, very important. Conversely, the parents who chose to set limits on what they will spend or feel that the costs of one acceptance outweigh the benefits, when a less expensive option exists, must of course love their own children less.</p>
<p>No one actually comes out and says this, but it comes through over and over again when parents are told that they are in effect, being âselfishâ by not wanting to pay $50-$60k per year to make their 17 year old happy and not be embarrassed in front of the other kids at the lunch table who are all bragging about which high-priced school theyâll be attending in the fall. I suppose itâs natural for parents who make these huge sacrifices to feel that they are doing it out of love but sometimes I think that there are other more complicated factors at work and that it may be worth examining.</p>
<p>joblue, you must read different threads than I do on CC. What I see are parents telling students and parents, over and over again, to not take out loans, to not raid 401Ks, to not second mortgage the house, just to send their kid to an expensive âdreamâ college. CC veterans are continually advising students to apply where their stats get them generous merit awards, to go their flagship state university, to go to community college. Many of those veterans gave that very advice on this thread. </p>